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Hi - my husband and I are going through the home study process and completing our paperwork, profile, photo book, etc. We are working with Agency A (this is an alias for an agency which we have had a great experience with so far). We had our first call with our assigned agency person and the purpose of the call was to go through our profile where we gave what races, medical history, drug use, etc. I would say on a scale of 1 to 10 where 1 is open to almost nothing and 10 is open to literally everything, I think we're about at a 6 or 7. So pretty open but still a little cautious.
Our agency person super was nice and knowledgeable during the call and then near the end of the conversation I made an off hand comment that we are really flexible in a lot of areas beyond what we wrote as well but that I guess we'd need to hear more about the opportunity but that "I guess that's how we'd be with some opportunities even if they fit our profile" and she was essentially like WAAAAIT a sec, you aren't presented with a bunch of opportunities to accept or turn down (which we know but it was good for her to be very clear on this) and so I backed up and clarified that oh of course, we definitely don't think we're shopping or something - I just meant that we put down we're open to A, B, C, D, E, F, G medical situations but that what if there were extenuating circumstances and the birth mother had A, B, C, D, E, F, AND G and so did everyone in her extended family - you know something VERY out of the ordinary - I mean in that circumstance it might be different. To which she basically was like "you shouldn't put any of those down if you aren't comfortable accepting a situation where ALL of them are present at the same time" and we're like "99.999% of the time that would NEVER happen though.... so we don't even get the opportunity to say no if it wasn't something we were comfortable with because it was an extreme circumstance?" - "no, you should remove those if you're not comfortable with accepting all of them at the same time." She also mentioned that if we didn't accept the opportunity they matched us with we would probably be dropped from the agency. Long story short - the great feelings and great conversation we had all the way up until then sort of spun out of control and now we're really really freaked out.
Can anyone provide me with a reality check? Maybe a "stop freaking out, that is a completely ridiculous scenario you're laying out and you're just freaking yourself out"? or maybe you were slightly concerned with that in the beginning and after working through the process you realize that was a silly concern and can provide me that insight? or maybe I'm just thinking about the whole thing the wrong way and need to be called out on that?
I want to make sure I emphasize that this is NOT a negative review on Agency A (if you can figure out who they are) or anything like that - they seem to be a really great agency. I think maybe that ONE tiny portion of the conversation could have been handled better but I by no means want anyone to take this as a bashing of that agency or that person.
Thanks!!
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It seems like an odd response to me. When I adopted my son, every agency I had spoken with, including the one I ended up working with, had PAPs answer questions about what types of medical issues, etc they were willing to consider, but PAPs still got to say yes or no to being considered for a specific match. I Was open to parenting a child with a number of different medical issues, but I don't think I would have been comfortable parenting a child with all of the things I was open to, because I could not have met that child's needs. Once I agreed to be considered for a situation, I didn't get to back out if I were chosen, but I did get to consider each situation with the specific information. It sounds like you would pretty much need to be open to everything or nothing with your agency, and that doesn't seem to me to be in anyone's best interest (the child's most importantly). I would check with the social worker or even the supervisor to make sure you understood correctly, and that there is no option of considering things on a case by case basis. I wouldn't work with an agency that had that policy, because I would worry about being matched with a child who I was not qualified or prepared to parent well.