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Hi everyone; I'm fairly new here but I'll give some history;
My SIL had her daughter removed in 2015, and placed with a non-relative 6 months later. They are in MI, we live in western Canada, so placement with us wasn't an option. We believed SIL when she said she was getting help and would get our niece back; we had no reason not to as she was never in trouble growing up or when we lived in the same city in 2008 (when she was 22). Our interaction with SIL was spotty at best; and this summer we received a phone call from another relative that SIL had been TPR'd, and our niece was up for adoption. We fought hard to be considered as soon as we found out. Unfortunately the FP had a 5 month head start on us for adoption; and at this point we are waiting on paperwork to be sent to the states for the recommendation.
We firmly believe that our niece belongs with us, and have gone to visit her monthly since we discovered that she was in foster care. We live 1600 miles away so more frequent visits is impossible. Our last visit the FP told our niece that she wasn't allowed to hug my husband (her maternal uncle)... It was devastating to him but he acknowledged the request and offered high fives instead as a form of contact. With me she was snugly, giving hugs and kisses and pats on the arm/leg or wherever she was closest.
We love this little girl and would do anything for her; she knows us as auntie and uncle, and that our children are her cousins. We are determined to fight for her as much as we need to... But we're in uncharted territory.
Has anyone dealt with this? An international relative adoption, versus an in-state foster placement adoption? We have come in knowing its a 50-50 shot but the fear of losing her keeps me up at night.
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I can't tell from your post how long she had been in care when parents' rights were terminated, but it looks from how I read it to be less than a year. If that is correct, it would be very unlikely that this was an involuntary TPR. IEither way, it may not look good for you that you waited until after TPR to request placement. I understand your reasoning, and the social worker and judge may also, or they may see or use it as indicating that you weren't really committed. If parents voluntarily surrendered their rights, they may have done so on condition of a named person adopting (called a condition or directed surrender, depending on the state); if that is the case, and they named the foster parents, you would not have any recourse. Sometimes the state will tell you this, but I've heard of them not saying anything, either.One thing I would encourage you to do is reach out to/ get to know the foster parents. If they end up adopting, having a relationship with them may help you to stay involved in her life. If you end up adopting, it could help make the transition easier and also give her the opportunity to stay connected to them, which may be very important to her. It sounds like you are seeing the foster parents as less than supportive of her relationship with you, based on your description of the last visit. Saying to not hug your husband could be that, but could also be about your niece's needs (I don't know her abuse history or mental health needs, but she could be, for example, working on appropriate boundaries with men). Regardless, having as open a relationship as possible with them isn't going to harm anything.
Last update on November 24, 6:22 pm by ruth74.
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hi Ruth,BM was TPRd involuntary back in March. Our niece had been in care since January of 2014, so more than a year, but not with the same FP the entire time. We have definitely tried to reach out to the FP but they're not having any of it and have made it abundantly clear that we have no place in their lives. As for the requests made by the FM, our niece has a history of better relationships with male caregivers than female caregivers, so the request made no sense to anyone involved in the visit. We will continue to try to have an open relationship with the FP and, hopefully, we can all put the child's needs first and overcome any feelings we grownups have. My hope is obviously that we will be able to adopt her... and I know we came to the table very late. Do you have any ideas on how to show the judge and social workers how our distance (Western Canada and Eastern USA), location and misplaced trust in family members has played a part in our inability to come forward sooner? If you were in our shoes, how would you handle it?
Have you talked to the GAL? Depending on the judge, they may listen to the GAL more than the social workers. Also, has your home study been completed yet? I would try talking with your worker (the one completing your home study) about the reasons you didn't make your interest known earlier. Sometimes CPS and judges will do anything to place kids with relatives (even if it's not a great idea), and other times they won't even consider it. Even in states that generally lean one way or the other, you can't necessarily predict.Does your neice have a therapist or other providers? If so, you could also try to get permission talk with them. Sometimes (again, not always) therapists' recommendations carry a lot of weight, and the more involved you are in her care in that way, the more it will show that you understand and are ready to mee her needs.There are a fair number of folks on these boards who have adopted relatives and may be able to give better input, as well. This board doesn't get a lot of traffic; you may want to try the foster care boards as well, which is busier.
Be aware that an adoption from the U.S. to Canada, or an adoption from Canada to the U.S., must take place under the regulations of the Hague Convention on intercountry adoption, because both countries have ratified this very important treaty. Even relative adoptions must take place under the Hague rules, if both countries are Hague-compliant and the child and the prospective parents reside in different countries.Because meeting Hague requirements often requires a lot of additional paperwork, busy state agencies may try to avoid going through the Hague process by encouraging the foster parent adoption. Talk to your provincial authorities, and see what they can do to support your adoption of the child. As the child has been with her current foster parents for a relatively short time, the child's state may not be able to make the case that it is better for her to stay with them than to go to relatives -- IF there is someone advocating for you in the U.S. I would suggest that you might want to work with a U.S. adoption attorney familiar with placements of American children in Canada; it won't be cheap, and you still might not prevail, but it's worth a shot. If you need the name of a reputable U.S. attorney who has a lot of experience with Hague issues, as well as both domestic and international adoption, let me know and I will PM you with her information. I have no personal or professional relationship with her, but know her work from my past involvement with an adoption advocacy organization, and she is amazing.Sharon