Teen Adoption with Younger Adopted Kids in the Home

Our Family absolutely loves ' Fostering ' and ' Fostering to Adopt ' Teenagers.The question I would ask is what issues are you willing to take on with the Teens.How ' verbal ' are the kids that you have now. If there were any problems . Could these kids tell you??I would be careful with Sexual Issues and or ExploitationWillful Animal Cruelty issuesAnger and Aggresion and ' Temper Tantruming.'JealousyWhat would an Older Child teach a younger child??This ' Teen ' would still need ' Respite Care ' until the age of 18, and could not be used as a ' Built In Baby Sitter ' as well also??Professionally and as a Mom speaking. The recommendation or the generaliization is usually adopt younger than the youngest child??

In general, adoption professionals are extremely negative about placing teens in homes with younger children, or, in fact, any out-of-birth-order placements. There is a great concern that older children are likely to have had negative life experiences that could affect their behavior towards younger children and children perceived as weaker. As an example, if a child has been physically or sexually abused, there is a good chance that, as a teen, he may bully or molest younger children. And because he/she is older, he/she may be able to persuade younger children to keep quiet about what was done to them, usually by means of threats. In addition, older children may not have learned how to live in normal families, and even if they were not abused, their behaviors -- taking food from other children (because they have known hunger), taking things they want from others, cursing, having giant meltdowns, breaking furniture when angry, and so on -- can frighten younger children.Obviously, if a teen has not been exposed to physical or sexual abuse, and has some inkling of what normal family life should be like, these issues might not be of concern. But you really can't go by a profile on a photolisting, or even by what's written in a teen's file. All too often, such information is woefully incomplete. Some social workers are so overworked that they do not have a chance to find out, in depth, how a child is doing in a foster home, for example, and they may miss indications that a child was or is being abused, and/or is abusing others. Some social workers tend to downplay negative behaviors in order to get a child adopted. And so on. This is not meant to be a criticism of all social workers or foster parents; many are very dedicated and very caring. But there are enough examples of families being blindsided by unexpected problems in their new foster or adopted children that this should be cause for concern.And do remember that even the best-raised child often begins to exhibit challenging behaviors in adolescence. With two preteens in the house, do you really want to take on a teen who may be dealing with issues of sexuality, peer pressure, weight/body image concerns, gang pressures/fighting, use of alcohol or drugs, and so on, and who may need both lots of professional counseling and firm, consistent discipline at home? Between the fact that normal teens test limits and try parents' patience, and the fact that kids in foster care may have had sexual experiences, may have used drugs or alcohol, may have engaged in criminal or antisocial behavior, may have done things like cutting or binge eating/purging and so on, you could have your hands full.If you decide to consider adopting a teen, I would urge you to be sure that you spend a lot of time with him/her before committing to adoption, and that you insist that your agency give you every scrap of information it has about his/her past life. I would also make sure that your preteens are fully aware that certain behaviors are never OK, and that they should always tell you if a child, even an older one, tries to persuade them to engage in those behaviors (sexual acts, stealing, getting into the liquor cabinet, etc.) or is engaging in those behaviors on his/her own (carrying a weapon, using drugs). If your children have developmental or behavioral problems that might make it difficult for them to resist pressure to do bad things, or to communicate with you about what they are observing or experiencing, you probably shouldn't have a teen in your home.On the other hand, there are SO many teens in foster care that I want to commend you for even thinking about adopting one. Teens simply don't get adopted very often. If you have had experience working with teens in the past, and are aware of the difficulties that the teen years can bring, even in intact families, I would say, "Go for it," but "Go for it PREPARED." Determine the resources in your community that would be available to you, such as trauma-informed counseling. Line up some respite care for when you simply MUST have a time out to restore your sanity and keep your marriage healthy, and so on. Talk to parents who adopted teens, and find out what issues they have faced, and how they dealt with them. And then simply recognize that your life will never be the same, but that it may be infinitely richer.Sharon

I would like to say also. That both of Foster Care and Foster to Adopt vary awesomely and greatly state by state. Have you talked with either your Kids previous or ' Seasoned ' Case Management or any Licensed Social Worker. How do you feel about your previous Agency?? Personally and Professionally, I would go to 3 or 4 Agency Orientations. See if y'all find a ' comfort zone ' ???I would involve my Kids in the processing as much as doable or possible as well also!!

It has been a month and a half since your posting, and I am curious as to what y'all decided please??

Hi!Thanks everybody for all your answers. We've been discussing them, and have decided that we're going to play it by ear, as it were.Let me elucidate.We no longer live in the state from which we adopted our current children. Therefore, our license is no longer active, and we have no current case worker. We do, however, have an agency in mind (we have spoken with them and gone to their initial orientation), and our family is preparing for a new home study and new session of classes. Our children are enthusiastic about adopting siblings, and We have decided to go into the adoption process with eyes and minds wide open. We will work closely with the case workers, ask many many questions, talk to foster parents, and find a child or sibling group that fits our family and lifestyle based on them as children, and not based on what we hope from a picture and bio on a photo listing. If the children we adopt are not teens, so be it. Once our kids are grown and gone, we'll adopt teens anyway, as this has always been our plan. Again, thanks for all your input!

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First of all , how is ' Life Today ' please?? Second, could I make a suggestion to you as a Family or ' Mom to Mom ' ?? Teenagers up to the age of 18 or 21 years old depending on your state need ' Respite Care ' . Which we also refer to as ' Babysitting ' or Child Care. Do you have opportunities for this either for an evening or weekend??Have you considered this either with your Agency or as a Family ??In my opinion ' Respite Care ' is the same as Foster Care . In that you can see the child's personality and your Kids and Family's relationships and personalities . Prior or before making a huge commitment!!