When Adoptive Parents Are Jealous of Birth Parents

It's understandable for a person's parents to be unnerved- perhaps not jealous- when their child seeks out the biological roots (biological "parents." If you had parented someone for 18 years and they start referring to their biological roots as "mother" or even birth "mother" but not once helped in raising the child, anyone would easily feel either unnerved or upset.Personally I wouldn't tell your parents until you at least see if the biological "parent"/roots are someone who is a decent person who you want to continue a relationship with in your life. It's not worth upsetting your parents just to have the biological roots (birth "parents") refuse a relationship or worse. Once or if you decide to maintain contain with the biological origins, I would tell your parents in a way that you were curious of your health history, genetic looks, etc. and make it about biology, not "reconnecting." There's no established relationship to reconnect with yet, and learning about your biology and biological ancestors to discover genetic illness/appearance might make it easier for your parents to handle. It would be purely unfair to invite biological roots (birth "mother"/birth "father") over at the same time for family holidays with your parents ("adoptive" parents, aka your parents) and make holidays about them equally when your parents raised you for 18 years, and biological roots didn't. I would of course set boundaries with the new relationship with the biological roots. No biological roots at normal family holidays with your parents, etc. unless your parents seem incredible comfortable with it (or suggest it themselves). No biological roots to contact my family ("adoptive family") on their own unless I "ok" it (yes they're adults, but they should respect my boundaries/space/relationships). Same with laying off the "mother/father" references to birth "mother"/birth "father" (biological origins) on social media comments, photos with your biological origins, etc. I would keep the references to biological origins/roots (birth "mother" / birth "father") minimal with your parents so it doesn't seem like "too much" and gives you space to process your own feelings/your own new relationship with your biological roots.