What makes you hesitant to support your childs relationship with their birth parents?

I am adopting through the foster system and my husband and I recognize our son's need to maintain contact with his bio family. For us that contact must be limited due to safety concerns, but as long as we monitor the contact, we're comfortable allowing him that contact.However, having said all that, I think I can understand adoptive parents' hesitation. They may have concerns about confusing the child. I know we had that concern in the beginning, but we were pleasantly surprised at how quickly our 4-year-old put it together in his mind. Perhaps another concern would be they don't want the competition. Even being as open to it as we are, I get a little twinge in my heart whenever I hear my son refer to his bio mother as momma. But I also know that without her, I'd never have him. To be honest, when my firstborn came along, I had trouble sharing him with his daddy, so those are feelings I understand well. It's not a clean cut easy answer and what's right for some may not be right for others. I think each family has to deal with it in their own way, as long as the well being of the child is first and foremost, I don't see how you can go wrong.

Those are some good points. I definitely understand the safety concern.At least from my experience I think most kids wrap their heads around it fairly easily. For example my birthdaughters brother came up to me and said "So I grew in the other birth moms tummy, and sister grew in yours?" I said "yes, and we love you very much and so do your mommy and daddy." And he said "okay." And went on playing.

We are in the first steps of the process to adopt my nephew from out of state. We will never try to hide anything from him after he becomes our son, and we have agreed to only tell him the best parts of his past, but letting his birth mom become too close is scary because we feel as though she may try to be the mom and negate our roles as his parents. This is not a voluntary separation for her, and she is my sister, it will be very difficult for her to understand that it's over. If she ever does make it all the way here (to Michigan from Arizona), on her own, it would be a miracle. It would also mean having to protect our family from family. It's touchy for relative adoption cases I suppose is what I'm trying to say.