being an abused adoptee and growing up confused about family

Growing up in an unsettled home with no connection to anyone in the household was a troubling experience. I not only felt very alone and within myself, but i also remember as a child being very confused about the concept of a 'normal family'. I was so obsessed with this idea i would watch other kids and try to mimic the way they act and talk to their parents and pretend i had these relationships with my parents as well. Now that I'm an adult i see how living like this has effected my relationships. i have a load of trust issues and post traumatic stress (from the abuse) and am very overall told from my previous partners that i am very distant. That was until my current partner who changed my mind and has been overwhelmingly supportive. His family is very supportive and very united and i have definitely found a sort of comfort and ease in them. I feel more comfortable within his family then my own and it has made me more open with him as an individual to talk about things that might not be easy to otherwise. It has also opened my mind up to starting my own family as well. I would suggest if you are already very distant from your family being an adoptee or being in an abusive family, try to find a partner who has a healthy relationship with their family- and really spend time with them.Find family members you could confide individually- as if your partner was not their cause of relation, It has really opened my eyes to what a relationship between people can be and has opened my heart for more love from my partner. Find a partner who makes you feel like home and don't feel bad for feeling that way. Personally, I don't think someone who is adopted, (abused or not) can ever feel the same as a biological child. Their is some sort of loss. In heritage and natural understanding. But being adopted has made me a more independent person and also- you can never be to old to learn what it means to become a family. <3

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. You make some great points. It's important to form good family bonds, even if they're with people outside the family you were raised in.

I think that is very good advice. I am an adoptee, and I don't really have a relationship with my adoptive parents anymore. My husband and I have been together for thirteen years. His family has it's own set of problems, like everyone does. They showed me what it's like to have parents who love you and help you, expecting nothing in return. I am grateful to be a part of their "normal" family.