Estranged from adoptive parents

June 21, 2020

I was disowned by my adopted parents also when I turned 18 they stopped all communication with me and I can't even find them. They adopted me when I was 13 and disowned me at 18 and all of my adopted families dont talk to me I don't know why I met them and knew all of them but I feel like my adopted parents lied to all of them why they shouldn't talk to me and why I got disowned. When I turned18 they deported me back to the country where they got me from Ukraine and that was the last time they saw me or talked to me.

Purple Monkey

Hi I'm new here. I'm hoping this can be a place where I find some validation and feedback from others who can relate to my situation.

I was adopted at 9 years old. I have never had a good relationship with my adoptive parents. It all has to do with how they treated me as a kid.

The reason I decided to post is because it's almost father's day, and I'm dreading it. I'll be honest; I hate mother's day and father's day. It's always felt so sad and obligatory. I've never felt love for my adoptive parents, but I do feel bad about hurting feelings. I never connected with them in a meaningful way. Usually, I send a message saying "Happy mothers/fathers day". But this year is different. I did not message my adoptive mom anything on mothers day this year. I did not call.

This is the first time I ever DIDN'T acknowledge mothers day. I have a really good reason.

I became seriously ill a year ago, which they wrote off as depression and expressed no concern for. I explained what was happening with my health, that it was serious, and even lost a lot of weight (I already didn't weigh much). When my mom saw me on a visit over a year ago, she said the weight loss looked "good on me", even though it was a negative thing for my health. She intentionally dismissed my illness as depression because I had a lot of depression problems in high school I guess. My dad blew it off too. I was told by them I needed to see a therapist.

I ended up going through a year of medical treatment and lots of doctors appointments for the illness, totally without support from anyone except my partner, who is the only person who has loyally stuck by my side.

I feel utterly betrayed and abandoned. At a total loss for how my adoptive parents could allow me to feel so alone and deal with a serious illness without any recognition of it at all. They really alientated me and further solidified my distrust and disconnection of them. I'll never be able to forget the abandonment. I feel numb/in disbelief towards them.

I even have labs and extensive medical records showing my illness is real, but they still don't care to acknowledge it. I also found out the depression I had in high school was strongly linked to another health issue that I just found out I have recently.

I never feel comfortable being myself around my parents at all. Now them blowing off my illness was the last straw. I really have no reason to want a relationship with them at all anymore. I mean, how do you come back from leaving someone at their worst moment really? I just know now that they're not really there for me emotionally, and apparently not even when I'm ill either.

So why do I feel so bad and GUILTY about not saying anything on mothers day/fathers day. Why do I feel anxious and worried they'll be upset? Why do I care so much about their feelings or reactions? I don't feel a bond with them. I just feel anxiety.

Thanks for reading