How do I go on with my life?

Well Donna, you were misled and you've got a long road ahead. The Primary Wound (book) has a section for birth mothers.This is all normal and from what I've read it doesn't go away.And the worst part is that you aren't/weren't the only one hurting. I'm an adult infant adoptee. Oh honey, only one creature on the planet can have you switch moms and not be affected. That's a bird.I am betting you have never heard of DTD? PTSD prior to the creation of memory retrieval. The body keeps score (as one book entitled that puts it) and though the events cannot be recalled if they occurred prior to age 3, they are still very remembered. Adoption = Severance of a human's first emotional attachment, it is a life-altering, brain rewiring process that is very traumatic. Adoption can't be avoided but should be used as a last resort only. It hurts like hell. On my adoptee support group for ADULTS we talk about how some of us aren't sure abortion is worse. There is a hole in my heart. I struggle with issues of fear, trust, and my self-worth. Had I not been told that I was adopted I'd still have these feelings but not know why. Most adoptees are never "shocked" to learn the truth, in fact, it explains everything. I used to think I had seen a murder as a kid because there was something terrifying that I just couldn't quite remember. Your cousin needs to know just how likely it is that the child will have issues and you guys need to go to therapy. Don't lie to that child. Tell them the full truth from the beginning and stay in that child's life. Not for you but for him.This is my blog with a host of links for birth mothers I suggest your first visit be to: