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They are ages 5,6, and 8. I know I do not legally have to have their consent due to their age but I obviously want their feelings considered. I have been married to my husband for 2 years now but we have been together for 5. He split with his ex wife when she was pregnant because she was cheating on him. So we honestly don't know if his youngest is his but he doesn't care to find out. He is more than happy to provide for her and treats her no differently. Anyway... Long story short, he got full custody of them about 2 years ago due to them being abused by their step dad and neglected. It has been a ROUGH two years but we are happy they are finally living with us. I have grown such a strong connection with them and vice versa. I watch them while my husband works long hours to support us all. I have a son of my own and childcare/working around school schedules would be hell if we both worked. Not to mention expensive.
So this is where things get complicated. Child support finally caught up to her. She currently has a pretty decent job for having no prior work experience (she was on TANF welfare for 5 years when the kids lived with her). So she is required to pay a pretty large amount but perfectly fair for 3 kids in my opinion. So now she is saying she wants to sign over her rights to not pay child support. In oregon, the only way to voluntarily do this is when someone is waiting to adopt them. I would adopt them in a heartbeat but also feel hurt for the children. She gets visitation about 4 days a month so she is still very much a person in their lives. The kids don't understand any of this. She wants us to still let her see the kids if she signs her rights over. Which is also a tough decision. I think it's horrible what she is doing. If she wants to abandon her kids over money then why does she have any right to be apart of their life? But of course, we will be the bad people. So this is why I want to know how the kids feel about it all. I don't want them to resent me later on for adopting them. I just don't even know how to bring it up to them or what words to use.
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