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I am an NPE. DNA testing has confirmed my biological parents are either father/daughter or full siblings. I was adopted as an infant, and have a very loving and supportive adoptive family.
I have been able to locate my biological family with the help of the geneticist and her support team, and have attempted to contact my biological mother. I haven't heard anything back yet, but I'm not surprised as she only received the letter less than a week ago.
From what I can tell, she was quite public as an adult about being sexually abused, and she openly supported the opening of a support centre in her community ( there's a newspaper photo of her helping to cut the grand opening ribbon) and she also sat as a member of a panel of abuse survivors who presented to a governmental board of inquiry into abuse in the area where she was living. This leads me to believe that her fmaily knows what happened to her.
My question is about her children ( they would be my half siblings and also my niece and nephew - yes, I know how that sounds) . They are in their early 40's , and I have her son added as a "Facebook friend", but I don't think he knows who I am or why I added him (unless she wonders who this woman who looks a lot like his mom is...lol) .
I'm looking for input as to whether or not it would be a good idea to reach out to him. If I do that, it could be very difficult for him. I don't know how much what happened to his mom affected him, and me contacting him could drag up a lot of negative feelings for him and the whole family. This goes beyond just his mom having a baby she couldn't care for. There's a whole extra layer here, and I don't want to cause him, or anyone else, more emotional pain than they may already have been through.
Then again, my biological mother may have had a really tough time working through all of this, and may well want it left well in the past. What right do I have to drag all this up? Where does my right to know and understand my background and biological family begin and end, and where does my biological family's right to privacy and to move on begin and end?
This being said, I would like to connect with him. What's your opinion? If you were in their shoes, what would you want? If I do decide to reach out to him, should I wait and give my biological mother some more time to respond to the contact letters, or should I go full steam ahead?
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Mary Jane
I am an NPE. DNA testing has confirmed my biological parents are either father/daughter or full siblings. I was adopted as an infant, and have a very loving and supportive adoptive family.
I have been able to locate my biological family with the help of the geneticist and her support team, and have attempted to contact my biological mother. I haven't heard anything back yet, but I'm not surprised as she only received the letter less than a week ago.
From what I can tell, she was quite public as an adult about being sexually abused, and she openly supported the opening of a support centre in her community ( there's a newspaper photo of her helping to cut the grand opening ribbon) and she also sat as a member of a panel of abuse survivors who presented to a governmental board of inquiry into abuse in the area where she was living. This leads me to believe that her fmaily knows what happened to her.
My question is about her children ( they would be my half siblings and also my niece and nephew - yes, I know how that sounds) . They are in their early 40's , and I have her son added as a "Facebook friend", but I don't think he knows who I am or why I added him (unless she wonders who this woman who looks a lot like his mom is...lol) .
I'm looking for input as to whether or not it would be a good idea to reach out to him. If I do that, it could be very difficult for him. I don't know how much what happened to his mom affected him, and me contacting him could drag up a lot of negative feelings for him and the whole family. This goes beyond just his mom having a baby she couldn't care for. There's a whole extra layer here, and I don't want to cause him, or anyone else, more emotional pain than they may already have been through.
Then again, my biological mother may have had a really tough time working through all of this, and may well want it left well in the past. What right do I have to drag all this up? Where does my right to know and understand my background and biological family begin and end, and where does my biological family's right to privacy and to move on begin and end?
This being said, I would like to connect with him. What's your opinion? If you were in their shoes, what would you want? If I do decide to reach out to him, should I wait and give my biological mother some more time to respond to the contact letters, or should I go full steam ahead?
In my opinion, your right to know and understand does NOT end. I can absolutely understand if your mother or siblings have a hard time with this but the fact is you did not cause this situation, you were put into it regardless of by choice or not. I would give your mother a little time to think it over and possibly respond. If she doesn't, then reach out to him. Of course my situation was not the same but it was a huge secret so when I first made contact with an uncle I didn't get a response. A week or so later I wrote him again simply stating that I do not want anything at all from him or his family other that a few facts and that if he could kindly just lead me to those facts he would never hear from me again.... unless he wanted to. It worked and I found my birth mother and 5 half siblings. Of course this is only my opinion stemming from my own experiences. If you feel something in your gut, definitely follow that. Good luck, I hope you at least get some answers.
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