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Hello everyone.
I'm dealing with some rough emotions and I'm searching for answers because I am beyond frustrated.
I am the 9th and final child of my biological family. All of my siblings and I have the same father and mother. I have been researching my ancestry, and I have an idea of who my biological dad is. My mother died of colorectal cancer in 2009, and father is still alive. My adopted parents are both still alive but I don't talk to them anymore. They were abusive and neglectful to a different degree than my biological family. They lied to me about my origins, and my sister knew. My adopted mother made sure that my sister never told me the truth. Too bad, I figured everything out by the time I was 12, and started piecing things together when I was 6.
In 1992, when I was almost 2 years old, the social rehabilitation services (SRS) took me into custody and I spent a few days at the children's home before being fostered for a few months. After that, I was reunited with my biological sister who was in the adoption process with our mother's brother. My adoption occurred the same time as my sister's, our case file is the same. I got access to the entire case file from 1992 to 1995. It was hard to read, all of the glowing things people said about my adoptive parents. My dad is a sexist, religious bigot and my mother is a master manipulator. I learned from my sister that adopted mother did everything she could to pry us away from our biological mother. I was 19 when my mother died, and no one took me to see her, no one told me she was sick, no one told me about her funeral, and no one took me to her funeral. Still, today, no one has apologized for their actions, poor judgment, and bad decisions.
My adoptive father tries to control me. I got married in 2001 and divorced in 2003. I had nothing, I was unemployed, and in the process of my apartment lease running out. I asked him for help and he just told me to have my soon to be ex husband help me instead. I ended up staying at a coworker's house for a month until I got back on my feet. It sucked, and continued to suck. I've had to make my own way for years, juggling work, boughts of unemployment, and school attendance.
Fast forward to today, I'm in a great relationship with a lovely man and his lovely family. I haven't felt this loved in my life up until this point. I will be a first generation university graduate in just under 2 years. I can't wait to lift myself out of poverty and feel successful.
I started researching my ancestry, and since I was adopted by my biological uncle I at least have 50% of my genealogy. I got my adoption records and started looking into my biological father. The only thing we know about him is his birthday, and that he was adopted by his uncle. But!!! His adoption occured in Oklahoma. Every adoption prior to 1997 is sealed and will not be unsealed without a court order.
The 1950 census won't be public record until 2022, and my father's birth certificate won't be public until 2068. (He was born in 1942) No telling if I'll ever get his pre-adoption birth certificate. He's alive and I haven't met him before. Not sure that I want to. I don't think he'd be willing to help me find his parents. When my sister was in third grade and I was too young to remember much, we would visit with our birth family. Mother would come, father would sit in his truck outside and smoke. He also did not attend the adoption hearings, and he lost his parental rights. Mother tried to get her rights back, and the court found her wanting. She didn't hold up her end of the table. Not sure how she could have, she worked two jobs, father abused alcohol, my older siblings were adopted, and the ones who weren't were drug addicts. I hope that somewhere, she is waiting for me and that I'll meet her someday.
This hurt started two generations ago, when my maternal grandfather divorced my maternal grandmother. It broke my mom's heart, and then my uncle broke my heart, and I never met my mother. She was 42 when she had me, and 61 when she passed away.
I just want to know where I come from and I feel like I may never know.
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