Private Domestic Adoption is not and never will be beautiful

I know I’m about to get ripped to shred for this. But adoption, especially private adoption of infants, in absolutely awful.Agencies find vulnerable pregnant women who want nothing more than to love and support their babies, and they coerce and manipulate them into giving them away.Seriously, the answer to a poor mom not having enough money to buy necessities for her child is to snatch her child away and give it to wealthy white strangers .The adoptive couples get their precious baby, and the birth parent gets a lifetime of depression, regret, anger, and Amtrak’s of other issues. (Studies have shown that birth parents can sometimes feel anguish on the level of parents who have lost a child.)Not to mention, the agencies make it difficult if not impossible for birth parents to change their mind. They match her with “parents” pre-birth, give her a stipend to live off of, and tell her over and over again how amazing she is and how this is the best thing for her baby. And then, if she does change her mind, the adoptive parents or even the agency can threaten to sue (and in some states, actually can sue) to keep her from raising her baby.In addition, agencies tell pregnant women either not to tell the father about the baby, ignore the father, or even outright lie to him. This goes even if a father is willing to raise his child without asking the child’s mother for anything.Then, open adoptions are typically closed within the first five years, typically because the adoptive parents wanted to (I mean, look at Caitlin and Tyler on MTV). Sometimes this happens sooner. And often times it’s with no reason or explanation.And all of this is before one even considers the effect on the child.For one, their birth certificate documents an event that didn’t exist.For two, they are torn away from the only person they’ve ever known for nine months. The person whose heartbeat lulled them to sleep, whose blood and DNA runs in their veins. The person whose body nurtured and fed them.Thirdly, if you talk to adoptees, you find that a lot of them experience mental health issues (like attachment and anxiety disorders) stemming from their adoption. Often times they literally have no idea where they came from, maybe a bit of non identifying information, maybe even a name or an address or a phone number. Sometimes, however, there’s a huge blank spot regarding their medical information, their heritage, their history. All of that stolen from them as infants.I used to be pro-adoption and I saw adoption as this wonderful, amazing thing. But then I started talking with people who had been victimized by adoptions (birth parents and adoptees) and I realized that private infant adoption (at least in the US) is an industry that preys in desperate women and doesn’t give a flying fuck about the children they sell.