Angry first mother

I am a first mother and daughter of an adoptee. My father was adopted from an Irish mother and baby home in the late 1940s. He was adopted by two people who should never have been able to parent a rock, much less a child. He endured abuse all of his childhood before he left home at 15 and never went back. My parents never married, so I was raised by dad from birth to 14 and then spent my teenage years with mom. Dad never talked about his childhood very much but found solace in the bottle. Despite his professional and financial success that wound never began to heal. At the age of 16, I was raped and conceived my daughter. I was living with my mom at this time. She demanded that I have an abortion, but I refused to do so. Instead, I was taken to a CPC where I was told I could get help with parenting. Once I was there I was refused any counseling or assistance to parent and instead had a binder put in front of me and told me to pick a couple who would make great parents for my child. I was told that be a single mother was a sin and I was selfish. Of course, I started to cry and shake and this was later used to show that I was mentally unstable and not fit to parent. To make a long story short the counselor had a sister that worked for DSS seeking to adopt a newborn on the cheap. I was not told of my rights, I never met with an adoption counselor or any agency or adoption attorney. My mother told me the arrangements were already made and I had no choice in the matter. Once my daughter was born I was kept drugged up pain killers and sedatives until I signed the papers. I was able to see and hold my daughter once before she was taken from me. Once the PAPs saw that my daughter was mixed race, they refused her. In the end, she ended up being adopted by paternal relatives (rapists have parental rights). My daughter passed at the age of 14 due to kidney failure. I ended up marrying a man two years later who was abusive and we had a son. During my whole pregnancy with my son, I remained emotionally detached and this was the case until my son became a teenager. I was afraid that if I got attached I would have him taken away from me as well. My son has suffered for my inability to attach and be a good parent for so many years. I am angry that the system allows these things to happen and even if brought before a court, the adoption would still stand. If there were not a demand for infants, maybe I would have gotten the help to a parent. Instead of being targeted so that my child could be procured for someone deemed more " worthy". I hate the term " birth mother" and go into a rage if referred to as such. This could be due to the circumstances of my daughter's conception where dehumanization occurred and the label is a continuation of that. While I understand that there will be children who truly need homes, adoption has been a curse to my family for three generations. My father, myself, and my daughter and son have suffered tremendously. Forced and coerced adoptions still occur and too many people refuse to admit that. Many prospective adoptive parents are so desperate for a child, they will throw ethics out the window. Along with agencies and adoption attorneys who seek to profit off that adoption, will resort to egregious tactics to get that baby. I have known first mothers who have committed suicide, because their open adoption was closed. I have known of cases where CPS is called when the mother decides to parent or revokes her consent within the legal grace period. We are not told of the trauma we and our children may endure. We are not told that open adoptions are not legally binding or of resources to help us parent instead.