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Hello, my name is Josh and I am from Minnesota. As the headline reads, about 16+ years ago, my daughter was given into adoption against my will at birth. I kept up with communication, gifts, etc. through the adoption agency and the parents eventually opened the adoption to me. Things started great, but now she doesn't seem interested in talking to me at all. We really took our time and let her lead as her interest compelled her. It took about 2 to 3 years even after they gave me their phone number and direct address before she and I started talking, but once we did it was really encouraging, she was about 11-12 years old at the time. Over the past few years, she has been coming increasingly distant. She had me create a Tik Tok account and get a Snap Chat which we communicated on with relative frequency. Ultimately, she began to unfriend me and then refriend me on the apps and slowly but surely stopped answering me at all. I explained to her early on (without putting her birth mother down), that it was never my choice to give her up and that I always wanted her. Her adoptive parents have tried to assure me that it is not me and that it is just the way of a 16 year old girl. It is so hard for me as I love that girl with every ounce of my being and there is nothing in this world that I want more than to have a relationship with her; alas, I realize it is not about me, it’s about her and her needs/wants desires.
Not that material things matter a lot, but... they do show at least some amount of investment when you consider our resources and how we apply them, I have been regular with all holidays, birthdays etc and sent considerable sums for things like her first care etc. Again, I know material things are not the end all be all and I do not want to take away from the spirit of this post but rather just illustrate that my efforts have not just been surface-lined or superficial. As it is, right now I have been trying to give her space (like last 6-9 mo's), sending maybe one snap chat a week and still making sure to send cards on birthdays, Christmas, Valentine’s day, Easter etc.
I am wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience and/or advice. I am a master’s level mental health therapist and I can't even connect with my own flesh and blood. I feel helpless, confused, hurt and lost. Again, I realize that I do not matter in this scenario, and that it is all about her; however, I love her so much and I just want to be part of her life.
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