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So where to begin. I've had a very close relationship to my Mother my entire life. She was a great Mom to both my Brother and I. She has always been a very private sort of person, but I've always just respected that as just her nature which she has rightfully earned through her unconditional love for me over the years.
My Cousins got on this 23&Me kick a couple of years ago, bought me a test and after it sat for a year or so, I finally took the test and sent it in.
I get an email with the results and log in to see a half Brother that is not my Brother that I grew up with. Looked at the Birth year and determined that he was born in between my Brother and I. After staring and determining that we share a 1st Cousin on my MOTHERS side, needless-to-say, I was SHOCKED. He is a spitting image of my Grandfather (my moms dad-whom I adored), so much so, that I would not have even needed the DNA results if I were to see him. His profile stated that he was Adopted and was looking for answers and bio family.
Of course he reaches out once my results notify him of a new Family member and after years of him being on all of the DNA sites possible looking, along pops-up me, his HALF SISTER. We spend the next few months communicating, sharing pictures, family history, etc... I am genuinely excited and having been born out of Wedlock in the early 60's myself to a bio Father that I never knew or met, I understand the "need to know" and curiosity that comes with it. But at least, I had my Bio Mom and was not adopted out, so I could only imagine his "need to know". Luckily had had a good life with great Adoptive Parents that sent him to the best Schools, etc.....
I finally get the courage and nerve to confront and communicate with Mom. I don't know what I was expecting her reaction to be or maybe I hoping what it would be, but it has really put me in a position of horrible guilt and a moral dilemma AND I was the person that had to deliver this news, WHICH REALLY SUCKED.
Mom admits that she had a Son after me that she put up for Adoption and since she already had a 2 year old (me) out of Wedlock in the early 60's that she could not care for two Children by herself, all though my Grandparents did help with me a lot until she Married when I was 5. She looked at the Pictures that he had send to me of him throughout his life carefully and says, he looks just like your Grandfather, I said, "ya think". I advise her that he had great Parents and a great life, which made her smile and she responds with good, that's why I had him and gave him up for Adoption to give him a chance at a good life that I could not provide at that time, which I respected because she could have chosen not to have him but instead, gave him a shot at life.
But then she says, "why could you not have done this damn test after I was gone?, I am 80 years old and I cannot meet him at this junction of my life, He had a good life, a good Family and we need to leave it at that" --"Oh and you have to promise me that you will never tell your Brother about him, even after I am gone". WTH?
Soooo, I had to tell my new found half Brother that his Bio Mom does not want to meet him, she has no information on his BIO Dad and I was asked not to tell his my Brother (his 1/2 brother). I was like, really Mom? REALLY? Needless-to-say, he is hurt, very disappointed and seems to have lost interest in regular contact with me, even though we had plans to meet and start getting to know each other (outside of my family's presence).
Understandably, I feel like he is pulling away from me, he does not take my calls and his responses to my texts have diminished. Can you blame him?, uh NO. I am so consumed with guilt and feel SOOOO bad for him. I cry often over it and constantly feel guilty for having our Mom in my life growing up and asking myself, why did she keep me? I was born out of wedlock without a Father too, two years before him.,
I want to respect my Mother's wishes because she really was a good and loving Mother to me growing up, all though I so wish it was different. I want to respect my new found 1/2 Brothers feelings and give him his space without feeling like a Stalker or imposing my will on him, but DAMN, I have a 1/2 Brother in this world and spending the rest of my life without him being a part of it is beyond somber, heart breaking and I am trapped living in a state of carrying an Anvil around on my Heart.
If it hurts me this bad, I can only imagine how he feels a MILLION TIMES WORSE and to top it off, his adoptive Mom just passed away last month and when he told me, he said that "the biggest fan of him" in his life is gone.
HEARTBROKEN
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