2 bio kids & now thinking of adoptin

I've got bio DD 3 and DS 1 and we're almost finished with our homestudy for a domestic special needs infant adoption. Our families are supportive for the most part, but think we're nuts! They don't understand that we feel "called" to do this and give a happy home to a baby that might be hard to place. We've also made the decision that we will adopt a 4th child and feel it's best that we don't have just one adopted child. I would highly recommend you read the book, "In their own Voices" which is first hand accounts from transracial adoptees. Several of those interviewed in the book had siblings that were their parents bio kids. DH and I thought it was one of the most informative books we read. Good luck with everything! At least you're not the only ones doing this!

My family consists of one husband, one wife, a stepson 20, a stepdaughter 21 and two bio sons 11 and 9. My stepchildren are grown and no longer living with us and I feel a calling/compelled to become foster parents and eventually be able to adopt one or two girls into our home. We get conflicting reactions from our parents. My father said that if that is what we feel compelled to do, then we should do what makes us happy. My husbands stepmother says,"Just what you need is more kids to have to support!". My 11 year old would like to have a sister younger than him that he can be a big brother to. My 9 year old says he doesn't care either way. My husband says he would love to have another little girl to cuddle and protect. I eventually had to turn to God, and ask Him to decide what He wants us to do. I'm going to leave it in His hands and hope that he feels compelled to reward us with a little girl to add to our home.

hello. I have 3 bio children and adopt internationally.I prepared my children for their sister .I educated them on her culter and foods.I also let them ask many questions.It worked wonderfully all the children get along wonderful.Our daughter we adopted is 7 years old.My family could not undrsatnd why we wanted another child when we had 3 already. They were very against it .Well now that she is home they love her.Not a day goes by that they ask how she is doing.Now we are in the process of bringing our 3 year old son home.My family is thrilled and all the kids are looking forward to their baby brother.

Hi.. My dh and I began our homestudy process when our bio daughters were ages 2 months and 18 months old. We brought our son home at age 11 months 19 months after begining our search to adopt. So we have two bio daughters age 4 and 3 and our son who is 2 ... and we are now expecting our fourth child which is bio. We chose to adopt for MANY reasons and feel that it has been such an awesome blessing to us to have him in our family. None of us can imagine our life without him here and the girls are closer to him than anyone! He is now anxiously awaiting this birth of his new baby brother...hehe... gotta even the score since he is out numbered with his sisters! Our son is also AA and we are CA. This has alos brought tremendous blessings into our family as well as a huge learning process for us as a family. This was definalty a work of God bringing him to us! We couldnt be any happy than we are now. People asked me with wrinkled noses daily 'why?' would we adopt when I can have 'my own' or adoption workers would give us a funny tone when they found out we coud biologically have children and were chosing to adopt... but all i could say or felt like saying to anyone was that it was a feelin gin our hearts that we had another child out there waiting for us to bring him home and that we know that it is meant to be thru adoption. I cant brag enough aboutour son...he is truelly amazing...(my girls are too...but he has this very special look, feel and heart in him that gives me/us such a huge overjoy every day!) Being 11 months when he came home to be with us he had been thru a few months of an uncertainity to his life...there were issues of neglect and lack of any love and he was with bio family until we took custody. This little boy amazes me because he bounced back and has so much love pouring from him that it makes me cry just thinking about how God has blessed him and us by allowing him to be with us. Sorry for the rambling... sometimes I just cant express my point without emotions! LOL Go for it I say... We couldnt be nay happier than we are now with our choice to make adoption a part of our growing family. We in our family have some serious learning to do each day as the three we have now get older... but its WELL WORTH it. Right now about the only challenge we have with the age and race issue within our children is that our three yr old sometimes will blurt out loud in public...'look mommy he is brown like my brother' or ' mommy he is brown and I am yellow' ! At first I worried people would think bad that my daughter said those things... but then suddenly i realized that was the purity out of the mouthes of babes and she was speaking the truth as she observed. I have tons of funny stories from throughout the last year and could probably write a book! Go with your heart and bring home that child meant for you no matter thru adoption or what not. When I found out we were preg with this child number 4 I cried out of fear and sadness as I felt that our adopted son would feel funny since we had brought him home then went on to give birth again after and its a boy as well... I even had people have the nerve to ask me ' do you regret gettting HIM now' UGH It took time and I realized exactly my statement I said last sentence... go with you heart and bringhome that child meant for you no matter thru adoption or what not! I make sure our son (and daughters) interact with this baby in utero and there will NEVER be any difference.., they are ALL my children and each has their spot in mine and dh's heart forever. Ok now I will STOP typing... LOL!!! Melissa

Melissa, Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! WOW! It's just exactly what we've been hearing. It just amazes what people will say. Things I would never dream of saying. Oh well! I'm so glad to hear that things are going well in your family. Have you found any books or resources or other families out there in the same situation & their kids are now teenagers or young adults? I can't seem to find much & what I do find is negative & that the adopted child never feels "truly" apart of the family. And I've posted a question on this forum to adoptees & those that responded seems to all have such negative feelings & it's just so discouraging. I know everyone is different & how they were raised were different, but it still makes me wonder. Have you had any thoughts or fears about the future? Lisa

Lisa, Oh my ...do I worry about the future... PHEW! I think it crosses my mind DAILY. At one point I would spend my nights crying thinking I had done somethig terrible by bringing him into our family... I was subjecting him to a life that was different and so on.. and then I would worry about my daughters.. how I forced them to have to llive with the 'real world' attitudes of those who dont agree and subject them to scorn... BUT all it takes is for me to sit down and look at my son and when he turns to me and says 'I love you mom' I know that even if the future holds that HE doesnt feel truely accepted or something along that line that I KNOW I gavehim the best home for him... the one he is meant to be in by God's choice. I think about where would he be if he werent with us... and I stop right there and DO NOT want to imagine that. Even with bio children you NEVER know how they are going to feel or feel they were raised despite your best efforts in raising them. For example my sister who is 2 yrs younger and bio to this day will swear she wasnt loved and mistreated ... where she got that from no one knows because all was fair and we were raised with lots of love... so I guess for me I look at it with an example like that... Now I know at some point my son will feel funny when he really notices the skin difference just as we did at first when out... but he will always know he is loved tremendously and that our hearts belong to him as our son whether by blood or not. His sister know no difference.. heis their brother and he will grow up knowing them as nothing other as well. I at some point also accepted in my heart that I will willingly and openly talk about his bio mom and family and always leave that door wide open for him to return to the place he came from... whether it be to contact his bio mom or to just see his hometown...I want him to always feel that I am open about everything with him and that he should never feel forced to live his life not knowing or feeling as if something is missing. (now his adoption is closed and there are issues with the neglect he suffered... but despite that she is still his bio mom and I will keep that door open... I have lots of identifying info that I have kept for him for the future) The world is changing every day and its not uncommon to see mixed families all around so I have high hopes that by the time our children hit the teens things will have progressed even further to the point where maybe all my kids wont feel so odd in some situations. But if not... they willl have been raised the best I can to help them understand and deal with issues that present down the line. As for books... I honestly have not purchased anything yet... but once I start researching I will send you anything I can find and what works for me/us... I really found that the best way was hard core day to day out in the real world learning for me. Now when it comes to the hair differences and skin for an AA son... hehe... I hit the aisles at walmart and kmart ...the ones specifically designated for AA and I learned that way what was best... I bought stuff and tried it all... an eventually I'd ask someone who was shopping the same aisle for suggestions! When it comes to adoption in general... I had a book called 'The Adoption Handbook' that became my Bible for a long time as I tried to learn all I could about adoption. When it came to trying to learn things about incorporating an adopted child into our home with bio children I never did find much out there... but I also learned real quick it sure isnt much different than introducing a new sibling! The jealousy, the curiosity, the intrigue... and then the learning to cohabitate together as young children. We chose to adopt as young as possible with our kids... I felt it would be best for us...and easiest for us to have our bio children so young that they really dont know anytime without our son being here. Feel free to contact me by email or pm on here... I would love to continue talking to you and anything Ic an do or answer... and be as raw as you want to be question wise... I found that when we started the process I was afraid to ask some questions that I thought might be 'taboo' but I wished I could... I am really open minded and if you have a question ask away. I hope I made some sense in this post... lol... i get on a roll typing and my mind works faster than my hands can type. Melissa

We have two daughters 5.9 years old and 2.3 years old and although I wanted to have a biological child we discussed the rewards for a child, our family and for affirming life. I look at women who have just given birth and know that the end result I want is the child in our life and pregnancy for me is just a selfish want at this point (my heart goes out to those who want to experience it and can't so I know I'm very fortunate to have been able to do so). My heart is with the bmother who makes the decision for whatever reason to give her child a home that she feels is better than what she can provide at the time and I am proud to be able to be someone who will be there waiting for a child to bring into our life and our home. We are now about to embark on a homestudy and have a wonderful agency we will work with. I'm glad that someone brought this topic up and that there are so many different and wonderful reasons that people adopt.