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My husband & I have recently adopted a little boy, it is an open adoption, we are getting ready to go to my mom's house for the holidays and to have our son baptized. The birthmother's parents are going to be his godparents. My mom has outright told me that we will not introduce or refer to them as grandparents. She is the only grandparent. We DO NOT agree with her and we're not sure how we should approach the subject with her. She believes adoption should be like the old ways, and the birth family should not be involved. We have no problems with them and they will be involved in our sons lives as much as we feel is healthy for him. Any suggestions? I am totally at a loss as to what I should say to my mother.
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Hi, Sunni!
I think I would gently but firmly remind my mother that when you were the child and she was the mother, she decided what was best and you were expected to obey without question, (not that you always did, but you get my drift). Now you are the mother and you will make the decisions as to what is best for your child, since you as 'Big MOMMA', are in the best position to see the 'big picture'. You can further state that you would appreciate her having some confidence in her excellent raising of you, by respecting your decisions for your child. I don't know your mother, but a little lighthearted humor may get your point across if that tact won't offend her outright.
This nonsense that she doesn't want them acknowledged as grandparents is a pure and simple green-eyed monster problem. She needs to be reminded that a child cannot have too much love and more grandparents mean more love.
In short, do what you feel is best for your child. (For the record, I agree, the more open, the better, for the sake of the child, even tho we adults may have some adjusting to do.) And be firm in your stand that your mother has no right to interfere or set any of the limits.
Good luck, and congratulations on your new family members !
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