Adoption & Jewish Superstition

I know about the superstition, but we did prepare our baby's room before we had him home, it gave me something to do while waiting. We did not have any showers before he was born though. He was born last Monday and is home with me now. We are thrilled. I think you need to do whatever you feel comfortable with. Best of luck. Tracy:) :) :)

Michelle, I think those are "old wives tales". My mom had the strangest things, most of them I ignored. I tied a red ribbon around the crib and did the spitty po po po thing whenever anyone LOOKED at my babies! LOL My understanding was that you shouldn't buy anything untill a certain point in the pregnancy. Every single jewish person I know, (but remember, we are in California!) had a fully stocked nursery at the time of the "birth". I am adopted, so I don't remember that part. If you really are worried, call a local Rabbi and ask! I will try and call mine, it is a woman who has children! If anyone should know.... If you are still interested next week, send me a pm and I will check it out. Love, Debi

I have to tell all of you a story. 33 Years ago I was out celebrating my anniversary, when I came home the phone was ringing and a friend was so excitied to tell me about a little girl that has just been born and was available for adoption. The next day I made arrangements for the adoption and went shopping. My daughter was home with us in two days. I had a son and now was going to have a daughter. It was the most exciting time of my life. She was a beautiful little gir and turned out to the the most beautiful woman who has made my life a better place. I followed that up with giving birth to another daughter, exactly two years later.. So, buy, buy, buy, no evil eye is watching.

Congrats!! If you feel uncomfortable bringing baby thinkgs into your home, alot of stores will let you pick everything out in advance and pick it up when the baby arrives, that is what I did with our first baby, we had to leave a 25% deposit.

I'm not Jewish, and I don't know about this superstition, but I know the stress of international travel and the unpredictability of flight schedules. Why can't you just buy everything, take some stress off yourself, and keep it in the shopping bags at a relatives or friends or in the strage bldg.? You really do not need the stress of doing everything after. Also, you tend to spend more unnecessary money when you don't plan things out properly.

I think the basic superstition stems from the belief that if you plan, shop, or prepare for something, you jinx it. When my babies were born and even now, if someone would say they were beautiful, my mom would do this spitting thing to ward off the evil eye. (Ever see my big fat greek wedding? They did it too!) But it is a superstition, not a religious tradition. I had huge showers, many preperations and the whole thing. The last 3 were even more fun because I knew the sex and bought clothes and decorated accordingly. Love Debi (We LOVE the spitting thing and use it often! Even my non-jewish husband! LOL)

Oh, okay. I get it. Everyone knows about jinx! My husband is Asian, and I thought it was by having the stuff in the house, 'cause in some asian superstition it's like the evil spirits just need to be kept away from the home. They put these discs on the window sills. I thought it had to do with having the stuff inside the house. :)

You may want to try AskMoses.com. There is a rabbi there to answer any question you can think of - almost instantly! Good Luck:)

There is nothing in Jewish law that bars a family -- Orthodox, Conservative, Reform, Reconstructionist, whatever -- from bringing baby things into the home. The taboo is purely a superstition that some Jews, as well as some non-Jews, hold dear. I'm not even sure that the "Evil Eye" or the notion that Lilith will try to find and draw the breath out of a baby is compatible with Halacha (traditional Jewish law). Of course, there are some drawbacks to doing a lot of pre-adoption shopping. First off, things sometimes take a long time, or even fall through temporarily. Do you really want a room full of baby things to remind you of the prospective birthmother who decided to parent her child, or the sick baby who died in the Russian orphanage, or the slowdown in Kazakhstan placements? Your adoption WILL happen, but it will happen in God's time, and you may not want to sit around staring at cribs and onesies for a year, while your arms remain empty. Also, with foreign adoption, you may not always know exactly what you'll need. With China, for example, if you specify that you want an infant as young as possible, you can be referred a child who is anywhere from six months to 2 years old when you travel to finalize the adoption. Moreover, while many foreign-born children are substantially smaller than American children, there are lots of parents who shopped for a petite Asian princess -- and got the referral of a future basketball star or Sumo wrestler! There are, of course, some things one might want to do ahead of time. If you are planning to buy brand new furniture for the baby's room, and if you are fussy about the specific style and color, you should be aware that special orders generally take twelve weeks or more to arrive. Unless you are willing to take something that is in-stock, and that may not be your "dream" bedroom set, you will usually have to do your purchasing well before you get your referral. Just remember that, if your child is likely to be a toddler, you may not want to make a heavy investment in a crib; while some toddlers are happy in their cribs till they are three, others will be climbing out for good at 17 mo. Also, many parents try to save money by bargain hunting before the adoption. If you wait until you get your referral, you may pay full price for clothing and for supplies, such as formula, diapers, and wipes. You may be able to get more for less, if you have the time to stock up when things are on sale. As I pointed out, of course, shopping ahead may not make sense if you have no idea what size or age your child will be. Will he/she still be on formula? Will he/she use bottles or sippy cups? Will he/she fit into Huggies UltraTrim size three? What size playsuits will he/she wear? Unless you save receipts and buy things that don't have an expiration date, you may make some purchases that don't work for your child and that you cannot return. Sharon

Hi Michelle, l first heard this superstition from our assistant rabbi; his wife was pregnant. l thought it was so silly and something other people believed but not me. Then on the other hand l do believe that spirituality is all around us, not only in shul. l thought maybe l could find a measure of faith by waiting to bring baby things into our home, when l became pregnant after my tubal ligation reversal. lt really was an experience and a test of my will. My unborn baby and l got sick during that pregnancy, and l am sorry to say that after he was born, he died in the NICU. l have precious few things that were his, and l didn't have the tragic experience of separating from items purchased before we got sick. Now l know why we Jews don't send cut flowers either. May l suggest that you are totally on track when you say that you want to prepare for the arrival of your daughter while at the same time you know that purchasing physical items may or may not be all you need to do right now, as you wait. ln fact, maybe a person could distract herself away from the hard work of waiting, especially if there isnt the support given like pregnant people get. lt's not fair on many levels, but your work of TIKUN OLAM will bring you a beautiful answer to your question, and it will also bring you a DAUGHTER! Shalom bayit, Juditt Kerencould

I am not Jewish....but for some odd reason I grew up with your tradition of never buying anything before the baby came home.... I didn't know why? Just that is was a no-no? And.........I remember my grandmother doing some spitting thing? Maybe I am Jewish? Could that be the truth? I guess I will have to Rent Big Fat Greek Wedding now so I can learn how to do that spitting thing---my adopted little boy is pretty darling....I get a lot of remarkes...If I am Jewish I better take care of this business

I grew up with the same superstitions. My Mom would always say to make sure a baby had something red on. When we went to pick up our son, a co-worker gave me a little red ribbon to pin on him. They all did the spit -poo-poo thing, too. I didn't have any baby showers nor did we prepare his room until we got the phone call. A very close friend went out and bought us a ton of stuff and while we were gone for 2 days to bring him home, she not only delivered it to our house, but set things up for us, too. That meant a lot. On the other side of the coin, when we first went to get him, he ended up having some medical problems and had to stay in the hospital. Unbeknownst to us, neighbors had decorated our house with balloons, signs, etc. It was upsetting to come home empty armed and see all that.

We got the referral for our son exactly one week before we took him home. So, between pre-placement visits and shopping for the little guy, that was one sleepless week. We didn't go shopping until we knew he would be coming home with us. So we wouldn't have the heartbreak of putting away things we chose with such love and hope only to be dissappointed. We're still trying to produce a sibling for our son, and if we do get lucky and succeed, we won't go shopping beforehand either. Of course, since most Israelis stick to this custom, the stores here are accustomed to dealing with it.