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I recently have been reunited with my bparents and we have been doing well. We are setting up to meet, because we have been talking over the phone and through email every day. I do have some questions out there for other adoptees. I am calling them by their first names, but how do I not offend anybody when I am calling my aparents mom and dad, and in conversation saying about my mom and dad. When she in conversation says that I have this for my dad etc. Does this make her feel weird, or how should I handle this? My aparents and my bparents are going to meet, how do I introduce them?
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I was just reunited with my bmom . Emails at first . Then over Thanksgiving I met her & my 3 - 1/2 sister's. My bmom always referred to my Aparents as my Mom & Dad. I personally call her by her first name. I feel that it's your choice . Call her whatever you feel most comfortable with. If you decide you want to call her Mom . You might want to make sure it's OK with her first.
Hope this helps.
Cindy
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I was just reunited with my bmom . Emails at first . Then over Thanksgiving I met her & my 3 - 1/2 sister's. My bmom always referred to my Aparents as my Mom & Dad. I personally call her by her first name. I feel that it's your choice . Call her whatever you feel most comfortable with. If you decide you want to call her Mom . You might want to make sure it's OK with her first.
Hope this helps.
Cindy
Ivy
Thanks for your words of encourgement. I have been ill and have not had the opportunity to meet with my bparents. We have been corresonding everyday since December, and finally we are supposted to meet April 17th. I am excited and nervous at the same time. I do have a question for you. I would like to bring a small gift to her the day that we meet. What would be appropriate? She has sent me things through the mail, and I would like to bring something nice, yet a reminder of our gathering and hopefully when she will look at this item she would think of this day. Any suggestions? Or am I being to forward. Well, thanks again, I needed your response especially with our meeting day coming up. Take care, Kristie:)
Wow! Good luck on the meeting. I reunited with my bmom in 1995, and our relationship keeps getting better every year. Have you exchanged a few photos? For my meeting, I put together a small photo book with a few copies of photos of some of the more important life events and gave that to her. It gave her a chance to have a piece of the childhood she missed. Also, since my amom was so terrifically supportive, we all three decided that Mom is Mom, and bmom is Mama Joan. With introductions, I usually just intoduce my aparents first by saying, "my parents, _______, and my birth mother, ______. People understand without having to say any more.
My prayers go out to you on your upcoming meeting.
I was very heartwarmed by your post as well, it is nice to hear that you are concerned with both sets of parents feelings. I to would be grateful to be able to share in my sons family too, it wouldnt matter to me what he called me. In indroducing your parents, example, Melissa (thats me) this is my mom phylis and my father trevor. If you feel uncomfortable indroducing them as such, maybe say; example Melissa here are my parents phylis and trevor, that way the mom and dad stay out of it, personally I would be afraid to call them your mom and dad, that is who they are
Hugs
Melissa
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We have exchanged photos and we talk on the phone a few times a month. We are both excited about our meeting, and she is very respectful about my aparents. I thank you all for your support. I am grateful that she is a really good person and feels alot like I do about the situation. Once again, thanks for your words of encourgement. Kristie
I can certianly understand your question. I worried about introducing my birth daughter when we first met. We talked on the phone and wrote each other. I was afraid she would be offended when I referred to my kids ( the ones I have raised ) as my girls and her by her first name. My best suggestion to you is to talk to her about your feelings. I would not be comfortable with my birth daughter calling me mom, nor would my other children. Maybe in 10 years, our feeling will change but for now in a "new" reunion you need to do what is comfortable to you.
My birth daughter and I have decided first names suit us just fine.
Donna
I am not an adoptee, I am a reunited birthmom, my daughter is 31 and we *met* 18 months ago after speaking via phone 2 days. First of all it didn't matter what she called me, it was simply her choice. After spending 10 minutes together in a resturant (we lived 2 miles apart) she asked "so what should I call you?" I answered "well my first name is ok with me" and she replied; "nah, thats what I call friends and Mama is already taken guess I'll call you Mommie and she does......it was her choice.
Later we hosted a picnic in her honor and as a gift she took her baby book and other important pictures to Kinko's and had them copied, labeled and bound for me! I now have pictures of her from birth to the present enabling me to *see* her christening, first thru six birthday parties, Christmas's, first lost tooth, proms etc. While I know that sounds elaborate, the idea is something meaningful to you that only you can give her would probably melt her heart....Good Luck!.....Missy
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During vacation this summer, dh and I were at a basketball camp with my 3 girls and our bdaughter. We ran into some people who we went to college with from my dh's hometown. I did not really want to explain the whole reunion situation to all of them. So I just introduced the bunch as "our girls". It got a double take from one of them but it didn't go any farther. Sometimes it is just easier to leave them wondering.
I really didn't think of it again until my bdaughter brought it up a couple of days later. She said she was so touched by the way I had handled that introduction. She felt so included. I thought maybe I had taken the coward's way out.
Bdaughter has also discussed with my daughter what to call my parents. She did not want to use Grandpa and Grandma unless they were okay with it. Their response was "Duh, what else would you call them."
So maybe the moral is sometimes we think too much.
D.
I can appreciate that every situation is unique and every person has a different level of comfort. I went through the same awkwardness with my in-laws. It took me along time to call them mom and dad but I knew I couldn't use their first names (it made me feel too disrespectful). So I can understand you not wanting to offend anyone or make anyone uncomfortable.
I personally don't care what my daughter decides to call her birthparents. It is something that will be between them, and I won't be offended regardless of what they decide. By the sounds of it you are a very caring and considerate person which is most likely a result of wonderful parenting, I bet your parents will feel the same as I do and not have an issue with whatever you decide.
Enjoy your reunion!
I would just go by first names, nobody should be offended. Everybody all will feel awkward at first but after time it will get more comfortable. My ason calls his bmom by her first name, she does not like it but she does not complain, she is just happy he is in a good home and does have the opportunity to see him sometimes. We did not tell our ason what he should call her, he asked us if it would be ok to call her by her first name and we told him what ever he wants to call her is his choice. We did inform her before the first visit after placement what he was feeling and what he planned on calling her so she would not be caught off gaurd.
Hi!
I too wasn't quite sure what to call my bmom when we first met. I did not want to call her Mom since I already had a fantastic one in my amom. I call her by her first name and that works great for both of us. She, her husband, and children (1 half sister and 2 half brothers!), all introduce me as her daughter/ their sister. I was worried at first that she would be upset if I didn't call her "Mom" but she wasn't looking for that at all. I guess it all depends on your relationship with her and your adoptive parents.
Lizziesbigsis
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