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I am just beginning the older child adoption process. As I look at the faces of waiting kids its got me wondering. Can a Caucasian woman living in the rural mountain south successfully adopt an AA or bi-racial child?
I personally have no reservations for myself. I have a great group of friends who are open and accepting. I teach at a wonderful Montessori school that goes through 6th grade and my child will attend with me. Our school does not tolerate prejudice even its little forms (bully, jock, fat, slim, smart, etc....). There is one AA church in our community, I work sometimes with the pastor and he is wonderful. I have no qualms about starting to attend this church if my child is AA. I've even found myself getting angry for "my" son when I hear about profiling on the news.
But...I grew up upper middle class white..lily white if you know what I mean. I will never know what it means to be black.
My community at large is white, real white, with the exception of this small pocket of AA folks who attend Bill's church. There are only about 3 AA students at the high shool. They are well-loved. Because this community is so white, the prejudice isn't really directed at the AA students, rather at the school cliques, and at our expanding Hispanic population. But still, there wouldn't be many familiar faces.
I have no problem seeking out experiences for my child that are different than my own experience. Why would I do anything else?
But is it fair for the child? Is love really enough? Is it fair to ask a child to be so strong?
All input is greatly appreciated as I start to travel this exciting journey.
I don't think that anyone can really answer that for anyone else if you know what I mean. My dh & I are white & our daughter is AA - I think it's great to get input from other people, books, etc but I don't believe that any one person has an answer for all - you should check out this book - 'Inside Transracial Adoption'
by Gail Steinberg and Beth Hall
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the fact that you are committed to attending the aa church is great. why not start now? you will need many resources and friends once your placement arrives. good luck and god bless!
almost forgot. best book out there is "you're chocolate, i'm vanilla: raising black or biracial children"
Geez, was my last response generic or what?? I guess I was just trying to say that I received questions, advice and opinions along the way that suited me, didn't suit me, insulted me and encouraged me.....seems this is a topic that a lot of people feel strongly about. Be expected for a wide range of input :) Your son/daughter will have experiences different than a person that grows up in a family of all the same race. But they will also have experiences different than any other person on the earth. Good luck - you sound like a very positive person for a child to have in their lives :)
Thanks BeckyS for the book suggestion. It was actually one of the first I bought. The stories are each so different. Wouldn't it be nice to have a crystal ball to know if what you are doing is the best thing! I'll just keep praying.
Bellasmom, thankyou too for your words. I'll find the book you referenced and have a read. The pastor of the church I mentioned is coming to talk to my kids for our civil rights studies about growing up AA in our community. I mentioned that I had something else I wanted to talk to him about. So I'm gonna run it by him and see what he thinks.
This is getting more exciting daily and I'm such a long way from this happening!
J.Ro
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