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This is a long story I know and it's just the beginning! I REALLY wanted to see what any experienced birthmothers had to say about my situation and if I even have A CHANCE in your opinion. There is nothing that can deter me but I WANT to know and I NEED to feel like atleast I'm covering ALL of my bases. :confused:
ok here goes nothing...
I am 19 single and want more than anything to be a mommy
My situation...please give advice
Hello, My name is Porschia
I joined this group because I am going through alot of thinking
trying to decide some things. I know that this is the right time for me to adopt and I know that 1 or more older and/or special needs children would "fit" into my life right now as well as would a beautiful newborn or multiples.
I have already spent plenty of time deciding to adopt, getting in touch with the Lord and realizing that this is where He was leading me, and researching how to adopt...I have always
dreamed of creating/developing/growing my family through adoption and recently have decided to start the process.
My situation as a prospective parent is not the norm. I am 19,
single, african american, baptist, full time college student and work
from my own home based business. I live in a beautiful community near
(30 mins) the beach and many colleges and museums and other water fronts. I live in a 2 bedroom apartment (1 for me and 1
for my new child[ren]) and I have a puppy who cant wait for someone small & young
and full of enthusiastic youthful energy to play with her.
I was intereted in fostering/adopting an infant boy or girl or twins or a sibling group with the
oldest being a boy and if more than 2 with there being more boys than girls. Ages 0-6 or 8.
Bi/Multi racial or african american, but open, as God does not discriminate and pick and choose which of us He will love, He loves us all equally and I will do the same.
I am basically interested in feedback from some more exerienced
parents or persons familiar with adoption. I know this is what I want
I am just not sure if I am rushing, being unreasonable, missing any
key elements and really exactly how I should go about it. Please feel
free to give your honest opinions.
And I am really looking for any advice on how to reach my dream with little to no finacial investment. As a full time student even though I feel that i can provide adequetly for my family, these outragious fees I've seen are discouraging.
More recently I've found out that...
In VA where I live I do not meet the states age requirements for fostering/adopting. However, I am now looking into an open adoption of an infant (or multiples) which has always beed like a first dream but I thought maybe I had a better shot with foster care or older children and I enjoy them also.
I understand completely that I have the time ahead of me and that I should leave room for "fun" stuff or "college" stuff or "young people" things but to me nothing is more fun than giving my all to someone, being with children and watching them grow and thrive with all the love that is owed to them.
As far as mentoring, volunteering, babysitting, spending 24 hrs, etc I've been there and done that and continue to all the time. In some ways it helps b/c it gives me time to release the built up love and energy that I have and to try all my ideas (art projects, games, field trips, portrait poses...) out to see whats a hit and what needs changing. On the other hand though it can be very hard because at the end the child goes back to his/her/their mommy or parents and I am back to being just me.
Ah well in any even I continue to do research and seek ways to make my hopes and dreams reality. I don't think of it as rushing but more so as preparation to the fullest and I continue to trust and believe that when the LORD says that it is my time I will be open and ready to accept HIS plan for my life.
Thank you in advance for your wisdom, caution and support.
Any points of view, experience, information and/or suggestions are welcome and will truly be appreciated.
All I want is to be a mommy and to hold my little bundle(s) of joy ASAP and to raise them up right.
Thanks you again for all the wisdom and support I have recieved on this forum and in advance for all that is to come.
Continued good luck and blessings in your adoption journeys also.
*Feel free to email me personally*
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Hi, Porschia!
Please don't think I am being condesending. And I don't intend to sound mean in this post, I just need to lay the facts out in a straightforward manner. I very much understand the desire to be a mommy. But since you state you are a Baptist, (which assumes the fact that you are a Christian), and you know your Bible well enough to quote scripture from it, I strongly believe you need to re-think trying to fulfill this desire at this time in your young life. Pardon me, please, if I behave a little parentally towards you, I am after all 48.
Let's first take your age. At 19 you can not possibly have the experience to take an older child with the emotional scars this child will have (the foster/adopt situation) and provide the rock of stability and maturity that the child will need to grow and heal. On the other end of the scale, you are young enough that most birth mothers desiring to place their newborns will either be older than you or just slightly younger than you. Neither case is ideal, as the ones younger will probably still feel you are not much older than them and if they were going to choose someone close to them in age, they might as well parent the baby themselves. The ones older than you will of course not consider you at all as they will prefer someone more mature than themselves or again, they would parent instead of place their babies.
Now let's look at the life situation you presently have. You state you are single. I'm not against singles adopting children that are older, (we've already determined that this is not a proper situation for you), but when you look at the needs of a newborn, placing them in a home with a single parent is not in their best interest, much less a very young single parent. Babies require a lot of time and attention. You will need to continue your education in order to get a really good job in the future, plus hold down some type of job right now to provide for the two of you. Is it fair to this baby that he/she be shuttled off every day to a day care provider instead of having Mommy care for him/her? You don't want to be just a part-time mommy do you? Of course not, that is not the desire the Lord has placed in your heart.
So very often we are given a desire by our Heavenly Father, and then asked to wait until the time is right to fulfill this desire. (The natural sexual desires we have that God created and then asked us to wait until marriage to experience is but one example of this.)
Please consider this post in the way it was meant, commentary from one loving Christian heart to another. There is a proper time for everything, and if it is His will, your time will come. Until that time, helping others with their children the way you have been doing will continue to help you to grow toward Mommy-hood.
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