How old is too old?

I had two birth children before I was 22 and have now abopted a five and one year old at 40!!!! I am a much better parent this time and the only big differenc is that if I fall on my rear roller skating it takes longer to feel better. My birthchildren's father was adopted when his parents were 40-ish when he was adopted--he resented it a lot and his adoptive father passed away when he was only 23. My ex was always sad his father never threw a ball or was always tired.....but as our children grew he never thre a ball and was always too tired and he wasn't even 30-yet so........I think it is about our attitudes. I want to be around as long as I can be and see all four of my children get married and have grandchildren..........I need to take care of myself and keep my attitude young and remember to play ball with my son. David Letterman is 56 and Mick Jagger is 60 and they are both new fathers...... Joan London just gave birth to IVF twins and she is 50 something...... it seems there is no real rule anymore and lets hope we are not cheating the future but.

Actually, some of us "old people" looking to adopt didn't purposely wait to marry or have children...some of us just never found the right person and chose not to jump into any old thing just to have a mate. My DH (50) & I (42) had both decided that we would never marry or have children (though both of us longed for such a life) when we finally met on the internet 3 years ago! We lived 1700 miles apart and we ended up being each other's soulmate and are extremely lucky to have found the love of our lives...and we want to share that love with a child! This is an ONLY marriage for each of us. We're both healthy (though not enough to be able to conceive) and each of our mothers are in their 80s...Mine with over 60 years of battling MS and having given birth to 6 children (she was 39 when she had me!) and his still drives and is extremely active and I would never have qualms abour leaving our infant child with her, even over night! Though both of our fathers are dead, mine died of drinking&smoking-related cancer (neither of us drink or smoke) and his of a massive heart attack (DH's cholesterol & heart are checked yearly and is in excellent condition!) We have 2 2-yr-old dogs that love to roll around the floor with both of us. Once we do have a child, I plan on teach him or her all of the irratating habits like saying "ahhh" after every slurp of milk and just plain being aggrivating! I'm just a few years older than my mom was when she had me, and she was never as energetic as I am (what with her personality, the MS & having 5 other kids), and I know that both of us will be extremely active in our child's life! So...to all of you nay-sayers...NO! we are not too old to have a newborn in our lives! We were/are not being selfish because we feel that we have so much to give to a child! Kat

Hi, Kat your situation and mine are simular in that my husband and I marryed later in life. We both chose to wait until the right person came along so we married at 39 and 43 years of age. No babies came along so in 2000 (5 years later) we started the paperwork to adopt. We did not chose domestic because we new that no birthmom would think we were young enough to parent. We both wanted an infant, so we choose international. We brought home a 6 month old in 2001 and then a thirteen month old 2002. They are 10 months apart in age. I am a stay at home mom and my husband has been able to take an early retirement so we are both able to be here to parent our children. Am I tired every night when it is time to go to bed, you bet, but it is a great kind of tired the kind from being busy and playing all day. Do I get up of the morning with an achy back from carrying someone to much the day before, yes again. Do I enjoyed being ask in the grocery store "are they your grandkids" no way, but I do enjoy the look on peoples faces when they ask what the difference in the boys ages is and I tell them 10 months and then just go on about my business. For what ever reason GOD needed us to parent these children and I am willing to meet that challege at any age. I agree it should be decided on a case by case bases as for as age and adoption. Mykidsmom

I agree...case by case. We should all know by now that there is no black & white. There are just many hues of grey (especially when it comes to things like adoption). We're at the opposite end of the spectrum...27 & 28 & adopting an 8 & 10 year old sibling group. On top of which...we currently have a bio son (7) & foster kids (9 & 10) in our home. Even after we were chosen to adopt our 8 & 10 year old daughters, we came under a great deal of scrutiny from caseworkers. People threw around phrases like "typically people as young as you want a baby." We find ourselves constantly defending our position. Nevertheless, (& regardless of what others think) we're elated to have 5 children in our home between 7 & 10. Sure, we might be grandparents in our mid-thirties; sure, people might make assumptions about "mom's" promescuity (meaning ME)...but who cares. We know ourselves & that's all that matters. We know our capabilities. SOOOOO...that's what we have in common; the nay-sayers don't know. They haven't walked in your shoes or mine. It's just good that forums like this provide an avenue for us to support one another. Joye

Joye: Tell you what...if you have difficulty adopting older kids, you can adopt a newborn for us, and we'll adopt older kids for you! ;) Kat

LOL I know, huh? It's all silliness really. ;) :rolleyes:

Hope everyone gets their laugh for the day out of this one. We are a couple almost 70, married since teenagers and are trying to adopt sibling girls ages 5-9. It will be interesting to see if we are totally ignored or this actually happens. It is also interesting that I would never have dreamed of doing this at age 40 or 50 or 60, (and thought I was really OLD at 40, but that was then, and now 70 is like 50 was 20 years ago) but now we have completed our home study and pestering our case worker. My logic: we have three grown children, who have married and four almost grown grandchildren who we never really got to enjoy as they lived so far away and so saw them for just brief periods. We have a big home with extra bedrooms and even though we are both working, we still feel like we can offer something to some kids. We figure we have 15-20 years to help them through the growing up years. Our only daughter was handicapped with a brain tumor seven years ago and just recently moved to an assisted living facility. This made me realize that we may be able to help someone else and we are trying to do just that. I saw a TV program where some celeb and wife had adopted in their 60s a young girl and he said there were lots of people who could offer their love to kids that need homes. Has anyone else face this situation? Comments? Cheers, Ancientone

I think the fact that you are working with an agency and have had a homestudy done, means that *someone* thinks their may be a chance for you! I would think that health vs age would be a more important factor. Also physical ability. Will you be able to go out and play catch with your child in 10 years when they are training for their baseball team? Another factor that many potential birth mothers would likely want to see is what plans do you have for the kids should something happen to you before the kids are grown up. Are you children and grandchildren supportive of this idea and ready to step in and help out if needed? So is there a chance? There's always a chance.... just not sure what odds you would get. Good luck, and keep us posted.

your right that there are children out there that need homes. older children sometimes have the longest wait for permanancy, so you very well could have your wish fulfilled.plenty of grandparents are raising their grandchildren . The only thing to consider is some of these kids have very difficult issues and you need to make clear what type of issues you would find too difficult for you to handle,severe attachment issues for example or children that would not be able to live on their own upon reaching adulthood.other than that you are just as capable as anyone else.you have a lot of life experience and alot to offer a waiting child as well as alot to recieve from them.you probably have around 15 or 16 yrs on us and we have adopted 2 and are working on the 2 we have now and they are babies.my bios say they dont know how I do it they have less patience and endurance.well after you raise children, you miss them so much,the 2nd time around you value all the little things and realize how quickly the time goes and all the hard times will pass all too fast. It is very fufilling to be able to comfort and bring safety and joy to my little ones. whatever happens I wish you luck

I think you hit it right on the nose, when you say you treasure and enjoy all the little things and also I think now I do not waste time on things I has found unimportant, but focus on what I think are really positive, necessary and attainable goals. You are also right, we cannot take children with really big hurtles to overcome, but we can support, love and cherish some who do not have major problems. I have one single son who will help if anything happens to us. We just had an interview with the state placement team and they laughed when I told them I had a wish list. Thanks for the encouraging words.Cheers,Ancientone

Hi, I just turned 36 and my husband will also be 36 soon. We are hoping to become first-time parents in the near future. We had intended to become parents six years ago, but things didn't work out the way we planned. (We had two miscarriages.) The hardest part about being older for us is that a lot of our friends and family members' kids are not so young anymore. Luckily, my younger sister has a 3 year old and is expecting a baby this spring. We are hoping to be matched with a birthmother soon, so that our child will have a few kids around his/her age to play with. :) I remember growing that it was always so much fun to get together with my cousins. I also shared a close relationship with my sister, so we are hoping our kids will be close as well.

Exciting! I wish you all the luck in the world!

Well, it's nice to know we aren't the only ones! I am 46, husband is 57. He has two sons in their thirties, we struggled with fertility problems for years, and were finally blessed with a daughter 9 years ago. Being older (and more financially secure) the second time around, we tried most of the more complicated (and costly) fertility treatments, to no avail. We are looking into adopting a younger child/infant. Yes, most people will think we are crazy, but like many of the others I have read, we have more time (having already done lots of the things younger parents still want to do) and more resources, more patience and experience. We are very active in our daughter's school, and activities. When she was young, my husband said everyone should have a child at 50. It was the best thing that ever happened to him. It kept him young, kept him aware of his heath (to keep up with her!), and provided both of us with a purpose and focus for all the love we have to give. We are hoping that agencies will agree, and we look forward to another additon to our family.

Funny, most of the people I know have "waited too long" because of issues others have no clue about. I was married young, like you, but had the courage to leave an extremely verbally abusive man; I wasn't able to find my soul mate until I was 38 and then we suffered for years through miscarriages, infertility treatments, accidental death of my mother ...I won't go on. I think that having gone through so much make sure I didn't parent until I had A. Ridded myself of a man who surely would have been abusive to our children, B. Waited until I found the most wonderful man in the world and C. Overcame some pretty horrible stuff would make me a great mother. Don't be so sure you know why people "waited" did I travel? yes! Did I work hard? yes! Would I have traded it all for a family? yes! But it had to be at the right time with the right man. And by the way, I think the fact that did work and travel might make us interesting not selfish.

by the way, many of my friends are single parents, I did not mean to imply that because I personally felt the need to wait for the right man, that single parenthood is not a wonderful choice.