Learning about Birth Order

Hi Sabra, I have done some reading on birth order and was interested to find that your environment or gaps between siblings can change birthorder. I'm a middle child but was raised as an older child. My 2 older brothers were raised by their dad leaving me and my younger brother with our Mom. And then my husband who is a twin and born second is more of a middle/youngest child. They have 2 younger sisters but there's a good 7 years between the boys and the girls. Did your book talk about twins??? I wondered how it would be with our son, since he was a second born but is being raised as a first born. And he too has the strong leadership qualities and etc. of a first born. That's something else that I'm sure comes into play with our personalities. My aunt describes our son as a "powerful little bugger." And it's that strenght and determination and energy that will drive into a successful adult if channelled correctly. I have a neice who is a middle child between 2 boys, and she is anything but a peacemaker. She is an instigator and antagonist. I've read the Kevin Lehman book on Birth Order, but don't remember it mentioning twins. I lent it out to my aunt several years ago and never got it back. Oh well. At least she's enjoying it. :)

Hi K: Thanks for your post. The family unit and how we treat our children will also affect how stereotypically they fall into the first born, second born, last born roles. The following is what I have learned over the years but I am not an exper in birth order information. If you were raised for example to be a decision maker or care taker for your younger brother that would affect you to be the first born role. Because your two older brothers where not raised in your home that would also make you the first born role. If your own son even though technically he was born second in his birthfamily he has the role of first born in his adopted family (your family unit) and with his choleric temperament he will very likely be the role of a stereotypical first born with leadership skills and decision making abilites, etc. Kevin Lehman has another book out on birth order fairly recently. I glanced through it the other day. I did notice he mentioned adoption and twins stating that they could be expections or something to that affect. In the little time I had to glance through the book it did not seem that he elaborated too much on twins and those that are adopted. Your niece is a first born girl and the role that the family unit may be assigning her (even if unintentionally) maybe prompting her desire to instigate. It is hard to know without seeing the interaction over a period of time. First born of a gender in some cases can have an affect in some areas and other times not as much so. We would call those overlays. In other words she may not be a typical first born because she is a second born but her overlay is in the area of "getting attention" as the first born girl rather than a typical peacemaking middle born. I have a friend that is a first born girl inbetween two brothers. Each born 2 years apart. She is a peacemaker but has some leadership qualities. She is sanguine not choleric so she is not a strong willed leader. But she does have the decision making abilities like a first born. Your husband sounds like by his birth order that he middle youngest child even through he is a twin because he was born second and the gap between himself and his next sibling would give him some attributes of a last born. Does he lean more toward a middle borns attributes? It may depend on how strong willed his older twin is. I have a very close friend that is a twin. A choleric, first born, type A, twin, both twins of the same sex. Talk about two special driven ladies! One became a CPA and her twin became a medical doctor working in the emergency room of a hospital. My friend is the first born and choleric. Her twin is sanguine although she is very driven. They love to be competive. The competitiveness in which they grew up (they also had 5 brothers born after them) I think has helped the second born twin to be like a first born because of the very strong link with her sister. When they are together (watch out!) they seem to take turns in leadership but there is just a hint that the actual first born is a bit more the leader. I think understanding the nature inclinations of the birth order that our children are born in helps us to understand them. Each child is very special and has many special gifts and talents. It is so wonderful to lovingly guide and balance them. My dh and I guide our children in the areas in which their birth order does not naturally flow. In other words we help our second born to see that she is very capable of decision making and we assign her leadership on various things around the house purposely. We should probably do it even more so as she has high goals for herself and it will aid her for her future. On the same note we gentley tell our first born dd that it is okay not to be in charge and to learn the grace of allowing others the gift of decision making. (Even if she herself has some great ideas.) Best to you as you parent your dear son. Sounds like you are doing a great job!!!

Hello! I was glancing through your web page and read your listings on birth order. I thought that I might be of some help. I have written a few papers on birth order and would be gald to send you one, you'd like. I'm a psych major (as you can probably see by my handle) so I'd like to think I have pretty current stuff to share. And it might be more of a condensed version than reading an entire book. please let me know if you are intrested. One other comment is that with twins it's a rather sticky subject, I havfe read that they will find thier own birth order and then usually switch it around the teen years. This is usually happens once and usually for good. Bye for now, Psych Major

Psych Major... I would love to see your papers on birth orders. While I haven't got into it deeply yet with my daughter, I am studying it in relation to the terrible relationship I do have with my older sister of one year. I am the middle child. I've been doing as much reading as I possibly can and am amazed at how all three of us (sister and brother) fit it to the T also. It has helped me understand things about myself and my siblings and given me greater clarity of why I do and act in certain ways. Sabra, great thread to start :)

Hi Psych Major: Thank you for your offer to send information on Birth Order. I would be interested in receiving some information. Do you have the information available to e-mail over to me perhaps? That would be great. Momof1 may be interested as well. How much research have you done on the topic of birth order? It is a fascinating topic. Thank you very much or your offer. My e-mail address is Sabra@adoption.com. Our AdoptionForums Parent Advisor, Nancy Nic, has quite a bit of knowledge on Birth Order, Temperament and learning style. All three areas of study are very helpful in understanding our children. Does anyone have any questions for Nancy related to helping to better understanding our children? Please post on this forum or Nancy's forum on Temperament or Learning Style. Does anyone have any questions as to what Learning Style their child (ren) are and what that means? Does anyone wonder what Temperament their child is and what that means? For Learning Sytle Questions please post on this forum: [url]http://www.adoptionforums.com/f691.html[/url] For questions on what temperament is and how we can understand our child (ren's) temperament please post on this forum: [url]http://www.adoptionforums.com/f690.html[/url] Warm regards,

I am a typical firstborn who married a typical firstborn and I tell you what.....I could never make relationships work with anyone in a different birth order....they would drive me CRAZY....my DH and I talk about this all the time!

Dear aspenhall: That is so great that you and your dh are able to understand each other well. It is so cool that you both can understand the "why" in the things you do. I married a middle born and so did my dh! We truly understand each other also! I wonder if there are very many others like us that married their same birth order? Thanks for your post aspenhall. Warm regards,

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