Advertisements
Hello, I am Shannen. My husband Jason and I have recently been introduced through some friends of mine at work to a young girl who is pregnant with her second child. The girl is 21 years old and has a two year old little girl from a previous marriage. She is approximately 11 weeks into her pregnancy and has agreed to let Jason and I adopt her unborn child. We have had daily phone contact with her since this Monday the 14th of April, and have agreed to meet in person on Saturday. We have just been approved by the State of Oklahoma to adopt a child in State custody, but the chances of getting an infant are next to none. We have been going through this adoption process for almost five years. We are just normal middle class working people, we have checked into so many agencies, and heard so many stories about the cost and time spent, that we finally decided to just go through the State. The girl is living with her x father in law and step mother in law. She does not have a place of her own, and does not have a job. She has asked that we do a few things for her to get her car in working order and update the car tags. I have personally talked to the step mother in law, she has told me that the girl has absolutely no intention of keeping this child. The girl has also told me the same thing. She told me that she considers herself as a surrogate mother. Jason and I are so eager. We have never been down this road, so we are a little unsure what to do at the meeting on Saturday. I have an attorney already, he has been on the lookout for a baby for the last year. He has told us that there is nothing legally that we can do right now. My thoughts are. Has anyone ever done this sort of thing before? Can you help me before Saturday? We desperately want this child. We want to help this girl, but are a little unsure on how to go about it. She has exhausted all of her family members, and all of the family members of the father of the unborn child. Everyone seems to be on board with us taking the baby. Do you guys have any advice on where to go from here? We sure do need it.
Sincerely,
Sleepless in Oklahoma
Like
Share
Hi, Wow so in just a few days you have moved pretty far. Remember that she is only eleven weeks. I don't know alot yet as I am learning to but each state has laws and I'm sure your attorney can tell you what you can pay for Re: her expenses. I would make some kind of deal with her after you find out whats legal and add each months expenses up and tell her that this will be given when adoption is complete . So it keeps everyone on the right track. There is so much support out there for people in need. Maybe you can help her find help without putting out a bunch of money. The amount that you give her in the end will help her get back on track . Just make sure you can keep to your end of the bargain too. Well I wish you all the luck in the world .
Advertisements
You mentioned that you have an attorney. I hope you have talked to him about this situation. You want to keep everything completely legal. There are definite guidelines as to what can be considered "support". Personally feel the less money is made an issue, the better. As the young woman is only 11 weeks pregnant, many things can change. Agree with withopenarms about perhaps helping her to find help within the system. There are programs that will help with medical, food etc.
This sounds like it would be a good situation for all, especially the child. You mention you are eager. Please don't let your eagerness cloud your good judgement. Keep your expectations in control. Best of Luck to you. Let us know how things go with your meeting.
WELL ALL. WE WENT TO MEET WITH THE YOUNG LADY WHO HAD AGREED TO LET US ADOPT HER BABY. THE MEETING WENT WELL. WE TALKED ABOUT THE REASONS WHY SHE WANTED TO LET US ADOPT, THE REASONS WHY WE WANTED TO ADOPT, AND HOW WE WERE GOING TO GO ABOUT IT. WE LEFT ON VERY GOOD TERMS. SHE WS SUPPOSED TO CALL US ON SUNDAY EVENING WHEN SHE TALKED TO THE FATHER OF THE BABY. SHE DID NOT CALL ON SUNDAY EVENING, SO I CALLED HER MONDAY MORNING. SHE SAID THAT SHE HAD SOME BAD NEWS, SHE SAID THAT THE FATHER HAD NOW CHANGED HIS MIND, AND DID NOT WANT HER TO LET US HAVE THE BABY. HE TOLD HER THAT HE WAS GOING TO BE COMING TO SOME MONEY AND THAT HE WOULD TAKE CARE OF HER AND THE BABY. SHE APOLOGIZED TO ME AND SAID THAT AS LONG AS HE SAID THAT HE WOULD TAKE CARE OF HER THAT SHE COULD NOT AGREE TO LET US HAVE THE BABY. I TOLD HER THAT WE WOULD BACK AWAY AND PERHAPS CALL HER IN A MONTH OR TWO AND SEE HOW IT WAS GOING. I KNOW THAT HER AND THE BABY'S FATHER JUST HAD A ONE NIGHT THING, AND SHE HAD TOLD HIM THAT SHE WAS GOING TO ABORT THE BABY, HE SAID FINE. WHAT CONFUSES ME IS THAT HE WAS FINE WITH THE MURDER OF HIS CHILD, BUT WOULD NOT EVEN CONSIDER SOMEONE ELSE RAISING THE BABY. VERY CONFUSING. I AM STILL TRYING TO DEAL WITH ALL OF MY EMOTIONS, AS WELL AS THE WMOTIONS OF MY HUSBAND AND DAUGHTER. THANK YOU ALL FOR READING AND LISTENING TO ME. IT IS DEEPLY APPRECIATED.
SINCERELY,
SLEEPLESS IN OKLAHOMA
I feel so bad for you. We were so fortunate to not have any situations fall through like that. My only advice would be to keep praying for this woman and her baby. I think the father probably felt as if an abortion would just make it like it never happened, where adoption meant he knew the baby was born. It doesn't make sense to me either though! As she is only 11 weeks along, you never know if he might change his mind, especially since they didn't seem to have much of a relationship to begin with. God does have a plan for you and your husband as well as for this baby and everyone involved. We just don't know if these plans intersect or not! As I said I would keep praying for this girl, but keep looking into other options as well. My prayers are with you!