wanting to know your perspective...

Cindi - If you can add a few more details (like have you ever spoken to each other, years since adoption, who searched ) then I'm sure many of the reunited birthmoms here would be only to glad to give you the benefit of theirs ups and downs. I can tell your that the first encounter will probably be very emotional for both of you. Trish

I have reunited with my bdaughter through emails only, and I can tell you it was the most wonderful thing in the world for me! The letters back and forth needed nothing to make them special. She could have just said hello to me and I would have been THRILLED! It was just the best feeling of totally completeness. I wish you the best, but truly just being your self is the most precious gift you can give her. :D spete

My birthmother and I have not met yet, and I want to gather ideas of how others have reunited. I am greatful for both of your replies, and I hope you two the best in your journey. Thanks, Cindi

Hi Cindi, I'm a reunited birthmom and adoptee. Speaking from my own experience there are a few things I would have done differently and would strongly recommend. First, get to know each other well before your first meeting. Talk on the phone, e-mail, snail-mail. Allow each other time to get comfortable. If either of you feels insecure at the first meeting, it will be awkward and uncomfortable. You want to be at a point where you both have some ideas about where the relationship is headed and what boundaries you're comfortable with. There will be lots of issues that suddenly appear and you'll need time to sort them out. Feelings you might not even be aware of are going to surface. I strongly believe that first meeting should just be between you two and no one else. Other people have their own issues and they can interfere. Include other people gradually. I found having dinner with my bdaughter's aparents at the first meeting very unnerving and it made me feel unwelcomed. (which, it turns out I was, even though they said they supported her searching for me) It was what she wanted though, and how could I say no? I was also shown photo albums of her entire life at the first meeting, and her amother even made a special album just for me. I know her intentions were very sweet, but looking at all of that at our first meeting nearly killed me with pain. It was just too much too fast. Also, make sure you know the full story of what happened that led to your adoption. My bdaughter and her afamily didn't know for sure. They kept thanking me for making such a wonderful "sacrifice" and for giving them such a wonderful "gift." They didn't know that my situation involved a great deal of ceorsion which still traumatizes me to this day, so them thanking me over and over again really hurt. Reunions involve dealing with some painful issues. While it can be a wonderful and healing thing, you can't wrap it up with pretty paper and call it all wonderful and happy. In retrospect, I would have taken much more time to get to know my bdaughter. Our first meeting would have been somewhere neutral. A quiet place to talk. Maybe dinner or lunch and a walk in a park. No discussions of heavy subjects. Just get to know each other. -Pumpkin

Thank you for your story. I appreciate all of the help that I can get. I know that no matter how hard I try, this meeting can not be perfect. I would just like to hear suggestions like the ones above so that I can compare suggestions and find out which one works the best for me. As to the above question. We have had no contact through email or telephone as of yet. Thanks, Cindi

I just wanted to say Good Luck to you. I can only hope that in 18yrs. my own daughter will be posting something like this about our impending reunion. I hope it all goes well, and that a long awaited dream is fulfilled for both of you. I can truly imagine the overpowering joy your mother is feeling knowing you are seeking her out, the peace that is now flooding into her soul. Thank you for giving all us new bmoms something to look forward to, it makes my soul happy.

Hello, You sound very genuine and caring. I am sure that your son or daughter will contact you when the time is right. I can tell by your reply that you are a very sweet soul. I am very thankful that my birthmother gave me life and that she chose to provide a better life for me than what she could give. I believe that it takes a strong person to do just that. I wish you lots of luck with your reunion and thank you for your wonderful post. Love and God Bless, Cindi

Hi Cindy I am a birthmother who recently met my daughter that I gave up for adoption 27 years ago. Every meeting will be differant, just go in with an open mind and listen to what your bmom has to say. We had a very good reuioin we met for lunch her choice. She has 2 full sisters as I married her bdad. And we all went for the meeting. Please as a bmom just be open to her and let her explain if she feels the need. Good luck I hope this helps.:D

Hello, I am still waiting to meet my birthmother, and my wedding is next weekend. I really wanted to meet her before I get married, but I do not forsee that happening at this point. I was born in Illinois in May of 1977, I do not know her name, only that she was very young. I have been very successful in life and I would love to share my joy with her. Thank you, Cindi Meredith