can some one please tell me why?

You do not say whether you placed your son through LDSFS or not..... If you did, I would call your caseworker immediately and talk to him/her about your feelings - that you feel the couple has gone back on their word, etc. I do not know exactly what you are hoping for in the adoption but if they agreed to it before your son was born, than they have a moral (if not legal) responsibility to follow through. I know your caseworker will help you with this if you did go through LDSFS. In their defense (and as an adoptive mom) - I am NOT defending them - just trying to give you some insight on how they may be feeling..... They may need some time themselves to become accustomed to being parents and bond with their child. That, however, does not excuse them going back on their original agreement with you....Good luck to you.... I hope you can find peace with the situation.

I want to second LaurelJ on her comments. Your caseworker is your go between. Talk to her and let her know exactly how you feel. It also wouldn't hurt to put some of these feelings into a letter to the aparents. Do you write them often? One of our birthmoms wrote a lot and the other didn't. It was much easier to write to the one who wrote us back. Ask them lots of questions so they know the kinds of things you want to hear about. Jenqw

well yes i did place thorugh LDSSS. my case workers has been involved in our situation and not thign seems to change. I have tryed to ask many things in letters but my biggest thing that hurts is 9 times out of 10 they never answer any of my queations that I ask. so it makes me fee like they just want our realationship on a very FAKE leval and tha make it really hard for me.... becuase they are the only people who can some time ease my pain. but instead they tend to couse it. I do write often but no to much. I guess I just never thought adoption was goign to be like this for me and if I had known there would have been many other changes in my deacition.. I have written my coupele a few letters about my problems but once again thay normaly just egnore my letters and just write stupped stuff liek my sons scedule when he takes naps and eats that what all my letters are pretty much..... thanks for every ones help

Dear KzacharyC: I am an adoptive mother to 6 wonderful children and I am LDS. With our 6 birthmoms we have a variety of relationships--personally, my favorite is the open one where we have shared phone numbers and addresses and we send pictures to her about twice a year. Always a lot of pictures just before Christmas time (the school picture and other snapshots) and then some family pictures around his birthday in June. What kind of questions are you wishing they would answer? As adoptive parents we are counseled, even "pushed" to tell our bmoms about the baby specifically and to give the "baby schedule" that you mentioned. We are cautioned that this information is vital to helping the birthparents feel good about the placement and knowing what is specifically happening with the child. Are you hoping for more in-depth personal information than LDSFS gave you? When you mentioned going to dinner together, I wonder if you already know where the family resides? Even with my 10 years in the adoption world, I find myself becoming very nervous when one of my birthmoms calls on the telephone without letting me know that she will be (when her name or family name appears on the caller ID, my breathing gets so hard to get enough air and I feel so frightened!)--even though my adoptions are completed and legally nothing can be changed, my emotions get me feeling that I need to be protective of my family. Truly it is the unknown that scares us. We have loved going to dinner with our birthmoms before the births and during the initial week after the birth of our children, but have not visited face to face with them since. We do intend to meet again when the child is of legal age and has the desire to meet together (I am sure they will be curious!). My friend does dinners with her bmom, but without the child. Our pyschologist friend has advised us not to confuse the children with face to face meetings "too early in life". One way around that is I know someone else who does meet with the bmom, but the whole family calls her "aunt" and she gives Christmas gifts, etc. to the whole family. Adoption is very hard but it is also one of the most wonderful experiences we can have. How wonderful that you chose this for your child. Will you tell us what some of your "unanswered questions" are? Maybe we can help.

maybe you can use an attorney to get the adoption more open.

Hey, hold on there!!!! Getting an attorney involved now will only close doors thar you really want to stay open!!! Tell us what kind of questions you have that are weighing so heavily on your mind--maybe we can help!

sometimes an attorney is your only choice.

I just want to say that when I read your post, it made me sad. I am the adoptive mom of two beautiful children and it makes me so sad to hear about situations like yours. As an adoptive mom, I have found that in our case sometimes it's a matter or not understanding. I know you have mentioned that you have written to the adoptive family with questions, my question is, have you told them how their not responding to your questions is making you feel? Sometimes adoptive parents and birth parents really don't "understand" each other and we tend to spend our time wondering. I know recently we hadn't heard anything from our son's birthmom for almost 6 months and I worried that I had offended her somehow, or done or said something that upset her and I struggled with knowing what and how to fix it. Finally, I decided that I just needed to ask her exactly what was happening and how "we" were feeling. Come to find out, she was just really busy with school, friends, a new boyfriend and work and that she just hadn't had time to write. She apologized and said she wasn't a big writter but that she loved receiving information from us. My point being, we were really upset and stressed at our end and she had no idea we even felt that way. Thankfully, she saw our confusion and responded back quickly. If you have addressed specifically your questions and how you are feeling and why and they aren't responding to you, then I'm sorry. I know I can't do anything to "fix" your situation, but please know that fortunately not all adoptive parents are like that. Most of us (at least all that I know) truly love our birthmom's and our children and want ALL of us to be happy, birthmom included. It's important that we all focus on what is really important, each other. If we offer the love and support we all need, I think adoption would be "less complicated" on everyone. Hugs to you!

your the only one that knows what you need to do.