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I placed my son for adoption in 1994 thru an agency. I was 17-18 at the time and although I was of legal age at the time of relinquishment, I did not feel that I had any options/say in the matter. I was sent to a maternity home where I was the only one who had graduated from high school and was going to college. I was also the only one of legal age and NOT a ward of the state. At first I was under the impression that my adoption would be open or semi-open, but am not sure what it was finalized as. I was also told that I could pick the family, but getting case studies on the families was like pullling teeth. The case studies were also one sheet of paper with brief details of the couple. When I was getting close to my due date, I naturally began to have second thoughts. I was told that if I changed my mind I would have to repay all $ for my stay at the maternity home. Lastly, I was also encouraged to ask my ob/gyn to induce me as to make my delivery more convenient for me to make to to school on time (start of the semester).
Although it has been 8 years, it has taken me this long to be able to face the adoption and the facts. I never received any post adoption counseling. I have no idea if the family I chose is the one my son actually went to. I do know that the family I picked did in vitro and the agency held my son for two weeks before he was placed in case she became pregnant. I don't know whatever became of that. I did receive some pictures from the first year but nothing else. The adoptive mother did provide me some medical info for my future reference when I had kids.
I suppose I am looking for information to see if anyone has ever tried to open a closed adoption before a child was of legal age. I would just like to have some contact with the adoptive parents, and possibly my birthson. I am married now and have three beautiful children. I am concerned about making an inquiry to the agency because I do not want them to scare the parents into thinking I am trying to take him away. Too much time has passed and I would never do that anyway!
Does anyone know if this has been done before?
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I recently posted a thread about contacting the adoptive parents in my daughter's adoption too. My story is a little different than yours, but not by much. I chose the adoptive couple from many profiles, met them when I was 6 months pregnant and recv'd some updates and pics the first year. After that, it was nothing else until I "begged" the adoption agency to request an update. After almost two years, the adoptive parents sent me a short update along with an itty bitty picture.(My first thought was..why bother)..The adoptive mother closed the letter by saying that they were open to exchanging letters through the agency every couple of years.(again, not exactly what I wanted to hear) It has been difficult these last couple of years, and I guess it is because my children are getting a bit older. I am always wondering what she is like, what her favriote things to do are, and all that other stuff that a mother thinks about when watching their children. Anyhow, I have not yet built the courage to contact the agency to see if they would consider contacting the ap's to see if they would agree to contact(mostly by phone for right now), but hopefully will someday soon. I wish you the best of luck in your journey....this is not easy.
thanks for the replies. Now if I can work on getting up the courage to contact the agency. It is amazing how the agencies make us feel; we are the ones giving them something precious. Yet they make us feel like we are "bothersome" and "unimportant". I just need to remember that I am an adult with rights to make requests also!!
I have some experience with opening a closed adoption. I am a birth mother who was recently reunited with my teenage child. When I first placed my child, the adoption was closed w/ the exception that we could send letters & pictures via the agency as we wished. Both the a-parents and I exchanged letters over the years along with updated pictures- no identifying info though. The aparents began having behavioral problems w/ child and they sent a letter to me, via the agency, to ask if I would consider sharing more in depth medical info w/ them. The agency was against this (mainly due to lack of experience with this sort of thing). They warned all of us against opening the adoption. We went ahead anyway. It as been the best thing for all of us. I think if all parties involved have resolved the issues that adoption tends to bring with it-meaning emotionally stable, then it can work and be of great benefit for everyone-especially the child. Most agencies are against the idea of opening an adoption. Again, this is usually due to the lack of experience they have with it. Do not let this discourage you. Even if they agree to receiving one (a letter) they may or may not send it. Additionally, you have the right to have copies of your paperwork regarding the adoption-from the agency and./or the courts. I would request this, if you don't have it already. It usually contains some information that could potentially be helpful or spell out what you have agreed to. All agencies are different in the way in which they handle these things. Be patient (easier said than done-I know). Best of luck to you.