Are you in Reunion?

I received my identifying information on October 27, 2009 and immediately knew his name. I was in shock and my b'friend said I turned white as a ghost!!! I went on Facebook and thought about typing in his name and the first profile that came up was a matching b'date. I started shaking and went into his photos. When they loaded I gasped and my b'friend came over to the computer and said "if that isn't your son then no one is". It was like looking at myself in the mirror. Of course I didn't know what the heck to do next. I just sat and looked at the screen for what seemed hours. I then called my good friend in the USA who reunited with her son a few years ago and she was just as shocked as me. I cried to her that all my fears and the no knowings were gone. I could see he was healthy and smiling in his photos so I took it as he was happy. All I have wanted to know for 25 years. She called her son and asked what I should do next. Did I email him on Facebook .. what should I do. Anyway he said to email him and ask him to confirm his full name and his b'date and what hospital he was born at. I did and waited 4 days and then my email showed a message from him. I was scared to open it .. what if he told me to not message him again? what if he had no idea he was adopted?. Anyway, I opened it up and it said WHO ARE YOU? So, I replied "I have reason to believe I am your Birthmom". He replied 2 days later by saying.. he knew he was adopted all his life and that his parents told him I had named him at birth and that if his name was on the birth certificate then it must be true. His mom went to the paperwork and gave him the letter I wrote him and confirmed the paperwork and we have been corresponding every few days by email. I feel so AT PEACE for the first time since 1984 (I was forced to give him up - it was not my choice).. my whole world is a happier place and it will only be magnified when we meet face to face. No date for that has been arranged just yet. He wants to let this all sink in which I respect and told him we will GO AT HIS PACE. :thankyou:

Jackie, My son told me that he has no hatred towards me and is thankful for the life I gave him and said he can't imagine how hard it was for me.

What a wonderful day for you.. I also got that kind of reaction from my bson.. and now days I reflect on how well it all went.. Now I am 67 years old and have been ill.. I had cancer but now I am cancer free.. This is going to be a wonderful Christmas for me.. And for you.. My bson and I are no longer in contact.. but thats okay.. I have not been posting here for a long time.. but seeing your message in my mail box gave me a great deal of happiness.. I was forced to give my son up.. I made a decision to give my son up.. life happened to me and I did the best I could.. Jackie

Jackie, It is so wonderful to see you post! I am thrilled to hear your health is good. Merry Christmas. You are missed.

I had endometrial cancer.. I remember posting about the pain.. and I also ended up with a heart flutter.. or something like that.. But me and hubby and Naomi and Davie got me through.. I had a hysterectomy and have been recovering from that.. Doctor just told me that the cancer was contained and I am free of it.. I just have to go back for six years for tests.. I am feeling so much better.. feeling more alive.. :thankyou: Jackie

((((Jackie)))) Whoa, this is so eerie. I was just thinking about you yesterday, and I thought to myself, "Wouldn't it be neat if I logged on tomorrow and saw Jackie's user name on some thread?" I am beyond ecstatic, my friend. Welcome home... :loveyou:

Hey, Jackie! Good to hear you are doing well and are cancer free. That is terrific news and you must be so relieved. I hope you have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!

Hello Raven and Peachy... I am so happy to have gotten through that.. Jackie

Jackie, That must have been so scary...and I remember how you hate going to the doctor. I'm so relieved that you're feeling better. ~~Raven

Hi Jackie, Thank you so much for posting a reply. I am so very happy .. beyond words. People say I look and act different.. like a piece of me is complete now. How great that you are cancer free!!! You could not ask for better news. I wish best health and happiness for you in the coming year. Maybe your son will reach out again. They say men are much more unlikely to search so have faith. As I have told Steve .. I will work at his pace and he has shared with me that he is very willing to answer any questions I have (my 3rd email to him must have taken him 2 days to read!!! LOL) He is very open to me and his parents are really thrilled for both of us. They were unaware I did not choose to relinquish so they shed a tear he said for me and the longing I must have felt all these 25 years. When we first started emailing he said he thought it might be hard to do this but he said he found it so easy talking to me and that we were obviously mother and son (he is the same way). He asked for photos of the whole family which I sent and he was thrilled because he has a very small family (mother, father, sister - also adopted and an aunt). The task now for me is slowly telling my family.. only about 5 people knew at the time so I am started to tell family in England and some cousins here in Canada who were young at the time. Everyone is very supportive and can not wait to meet him. Anyway, I can not dwell on what happened just move forward and I hope and pray that we will continue communication for a long time. Best wishes and health always. :grouphug: Deborah

(((Jackie)))), So HAPPY to see you psoting agin....:woohoo: :woohoo: Tried to pm you but no suprise your pm boxis full! leafchick, I am so happy that you have found your son....yeas it can be more difficult for some males...but I have seen some goodoutcomes....hang in there.

Jackie,Welcome back!

Deborah, Welcome to the sisterhood of bmoms in reunion. My bson was 32 (almost 33) when I found him. Like you, there's no denying he's my son. It's been four years and the relationship is going well. He has now met some of my extended family. He came to my dad's funeral (he had met Dad previously) so it wasn't a great time to get to know them but my younger brother took one look and said to me, "You can't deny him!" D was never a secret from my family so that hasn't been a problem. I have enjoyed getting to know this adult who is also so closely connected with me! One of the first things he wanted was pictures of the family as well. It was fun sharing family history with him. (The two I raised were never very interested.) I hope your reunion contines to go well.

Do you happen to be in reunion with your relinquished child? Yes, I have a 14 year old daughter that just found out a month ago that I am her mother.I had always been in her life and most recently we said I was a distant relative, which a distant relative is who adopted my dd. What emotions and situations has this caused for you? Shocked at how young they told her,disappointed some, was hoping for more than what I am getting from her,Fueds..........the family is fighting with her alot about any time she spends with myself and my oldest daughter, GUILT...............unbelivable guilt when I have my oldest 2 kids but didn't keep her Is it difficult to know how much contact and the boundaries in the relationship?Yes it's very difficult trying to keep boundaries now, before it was different because she did not know.

What are you finding the easiest? What are you finding the most difficult?Hmmmmmmmmmmm...........the easiest is probably honestly talking to her about why I did it, and she seems to be handling it reasonably well for her age. The hardest is the fact that she didn't jump right into calling me "Mom", and treating me more like that.

Do you happen to be in reunion with your relinquished child? I thought I was - but now the dreaded "pullback monster" appears to have reared its ugly head.

What emotions and situations has this caused for you? Same emotions I thought were buried deep in my inner soul from 26 years ago.

Is it difficult to know how much contact and the boundaries in the relationship? Difficult? Can we go with impossible. For someone that never had more children and lacks family social skills, yep, gonna go with impossible to know what the correct expectations are.

What are you finding the easiest? What are you finding the most difficult? It is so much easier to cry at any moment now. In front of everyone. I just don't care anymore. The most difficult? Continuing to breath. Remembering to live one hour at a time.

There are no right or wrong answers. Please share.