Types of Counselors

Mine was wonderful, I needed it so much than just to prtect the angency. I had so many people pulling me in all directions, he was the only one who listened to me, the only one who was there to look out for my best interest. I was only suposed to see him for four visit, btu he had them continue my visit until I was ready to make to stop seeing him. A councler should not be used to support and agency but be used strickly for the woman. If they had beeter councelors the would be less women backing out of proposed adoptions. It is not the right choice, and Councler needs to be the ear and voice for a woman manytimes not even sure of who she is yet.

My counselor was also amazing. She was a counselor from the agency I went through. The adoptive parents had a different worker. My counselor's title was "Pregnancy Counselor." She did not have any contact with any adoptive parents and was there for the birthparents she worked with. I met her when I was 7 months along. I had already decided that I wanted adoption and thought that she was there to help me with the legalities and show me the process. Instead, she worked really hard to get me to explore other options as well as adoption. I remember sitting down with her one day and she said "Today we are going to talk about parenting." I told her I wasn't interested in talking about parenting. I had already chosen adoption. As we talked, she explained that she wanted me to know about the resources available to me if I did decide to parent and she wanted me to know that I did have a choice. It was wonderful to work with someone who really wanted me to be educated about all of the different possibilities so I could make a truly informed decision. Partly because of her help, I have never regretted my decision.

I also had a wonderful woman who helped during the adoption process and after I had relinquished my rights. She worked with the agency as a Pregnancy Counseler. I continued to talk with her, until her career took her elsewhere. I miss our converstions. Don't lose faith, the good ones are out there. Brandi

I'm glad to hear that some bmoms have had a good experience with "pregnancy counselors." However, I believe that any counselor that is working for an adoption agency can not be unbiased. When I first found out I was pregnant, I was lucky enough to have a great psychologist that helped me get through the initial stuff, like telling my parents. My parents then sent me out of state until I delivered and had me going to the adoption agency for counseling. That lady had one goal, and that was to get me to sign those papers. Once I did sign, she wanted nothing to do with me after that. That agency did not offer any post placement counseling, and I couldn't even get her to take a phone call from me. After I returned home, I then returned to my previous psychologist who helped me so much. The funny part about that terribly insensitive agency I went through, is that it is associated with my parent's church. Used to be my church too...that is until I became pregnant...and was kicked out.

Tweetyfan, I'm sorry your experience was so awful. I think more counselors should be there for the bmom's and not just until the papers are signed. I'm glad that you received the understanding that you needed. I hope everything is going great for you now. Take care. Brandi

I did have a great experience with my pregnancy caseworker, (21 years ago) she was like my best friend. I could talk to her about everything and she was there when I gave birth. She was like a surrogate mom for me, since my mom was living in Fla at the time. Its true, her job was to help me with the legal papers-but she was so kind and helpful and so caring. She helped me decide that I wanted to see my daughter, hold my daughter and spend as much time with her as I could. She also stayed with me when the BFather came to the hospital to relinquish his rights. Bum--came with his girlfriend and I made him hold his daughter, so he could feel how much it hurt to let her go. Because of his being so much more interested in his drugs, I wanted him to suffer as much as I was. I wanted him to know it was not just my decision and if he had tried to change, well you can figure out the rest of the story. Things could have been so much different.... Good luck --there are good ones out there- caseworkers, counselors and some go above and beyond- Linnea A

In the very early stage of my pregnancy I didn't know what to do. I knew I did not want to parent this child but I was struggling with the adoption or abortion question. I went and talked to a counsellor at Planned Parenthood. In speaking with her I decided to go the abortion route. She helped me to think of abortion in ways I had not before. She gave me lots of stuff about abortion to read. I brough that stuff home and read it all. I cried myself to sleep thinking I would be having an abortion. The next day I realized I could not have an abortion. I went back and talked to the same lady again. She had made an appt for me to get an abortion the first time I saw her but the appt wasn't for about 3 wks (that is how busy they are - wow). I kept that appt because I didn't know if I would change my mind again or not. The morning of the appt is the day that I cancelled it. Anyways I saw this same woman once more and talking to her about why I didn't want to parent another child at this time and what to do about it really helped me decide that adoption was really the route I wanted to take. She was truly unbiased in that she didn't care which decision I ended up making but she was supportive or whichever route I chose. I never saw her again but I did feel an attachment to her. The counsellor I had that the liscensee hired I never did feel an attachment too. She was unprofessional and just wanted to ensure I placed my baby for adoption and she continued to get paid for "counselling" me. I just fired her last week and am in the midst of finding an new counsellor. Shelley Birth mother to Eric Landon AKA Nathan Landon born March 5, 2004

The lady at the agency I am working with also has contact with the acouple. Even though I know she comforts and reassures them as well, I really like her. She is upfront about the adoption laws in WI. About how an open adoption isn't legally binding, and once the papers are signed I have no rights to the child. I know she tells the acouple nothings final, and the decision has to be remade over and over until the papers are signed, that I can change my mind, just like after I know they can change theirs and close the adoption. She's brought up all the alternatives (except abortion-but I was to far along for that anyway). She gave me a handout for all the places I could get help from if I were to change my mind. She reassures me every time I go in that I still can change my mind and that she would support that if it were my choice. Well thats my experience so far. Shellie