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As I've said in another thread, a few weeks ago my husband and I received a call from our case worker at LDSFS that we'd been chosen by a birthmother. She's due at the end of October, which has me pulling my hair out! I need some advice on how to make it through these next 6 months. Is there anyone that's gone through this kind of waiting before? Why would our birthmother want to choose the aparents so early on in the pregnancy? This is a true test of my patience. We've written our first letter to her but haven't heard back yet. Is it okay to write another letter to her or should we wait until we get one back from her? Is it okay to ask for ultrasound pictures or pictures of her? I'd love to put those in our scrapbook. Any advice from anyone who's gone through this I would absolutely love. Thanks everyone in advance.
Taryn
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she could of chosen early so she can get to know you and meet you in person. Its best to get to know the adoptive parents early so they can establish a relationship with them. If possible its best to choose early. I know for myself I wouldnt just give my baby to someone i have only known a month or two or to someone I just met.
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Oh waiting is SOOO hard!
waiting for anything is hard. Right now is a great time to start building a relationship with your birth-mother. I wish that I had decided earlier so that I would have spent more time with the family before I had my baby. Write often and let her know you are interested in her well being not just the baby's. Get to know her as a person. Your relationship with her is going to be crucial to her and you. This is such a hard time for her too. Let her know that you are there to help if she needs it.
I remeber how confusing everything seemed when I was pregnant. I remeber how confusing everything was for the adoptive family too. Good luck with this up comming journey. I'm excited for you! Families are GREAT!
lyra
Taryn, I agree with the other responses...the birthmother chose early so she could have plenty of time to get to know you, and she is wise to do so. There's no advantage in waiting until the last minute, especially when something so important is at stake. I know the waiting is terrible right now... although I have never adopted, I have given birth to 2 biological children. I know it isn't the same, but there are similarities... you have to wait months from the time you find out you're expecting until you actually get to hold your child in your arms. And even for a biological mother, there is never any guarantee that things will turn out as you expected. There are always things that can go wrong. You never really know your child will be healthy until after it is born. So there's always an element of anxiety there, and the suspense can be awful at times. I know it must be even worse for a mother waiting to adopt. What I would recommend is that you use this time to prepare for your new baby... decorate a nursery, shop for baby items, a crib, clothes, toys. This is called "feathering your nest" and believe me, it passes the time and reduces anxiety! You might also go to your local library and check out some books about child-development. Nobody's a "natural" when it comes to parenting...all of us must learn by experience, and it never hurts to get some advice from the experts. If you plan to continue working after the baby arrives, you might use this time to research daycare centers in your area...many of them have waiting lists. I know it sounds scary to "prepare" to this extent, in light of the fact that the birthmother might change her mind. But if she does, you will be hurt and disappointed whether you've prepared or not, so why not hope for the best? Sooner or later, you will adopt a baby, and when that time comes, you'll be ready. Sincerely, Sharon