The way all adoptions should be!

This is the very first Post That I had replied to...........I am a Hoping to Adopt Mom The following****FROM A BIRTHMOTHER**** Junior Member Registered: Feb 2003 Location: Posts: 8 Pregnant and In Need of Advice and Support My name is Rebecca and I am 32 years old. I am pregnant, due 4/24 and I am considering adoption. This is the hardest decision that I have ever faced and I am so torn up I feel like I just want to die! I am not really in the financial position to care for this child and I am not 100% sure that I want to be a parent or if I can handle that much responsibility. I have considered going in the military after I have my child, but I would either have to give him/her up or get married. I can't even look at a baby on TV without breaking down and crying. I feel like the life is being ripped from me because I just don't know what to do. The thing that makes this the hardest for me is that my pregnancy wasn't an accident. My partner and I went through artificial insemination/fertility treatment. I got pregnant on the first/only insemination and a month later, we broke up (not my choice). My ex has made it very clear that they want no contact with me or the child, so why wouldn't I be afraid? I don't have any family support when it comes to adoption, because my family is too screwed up to understand that children are little beings with so many needs that have to be met 24/7. They need love, nurturing and stability. I don't have the stability at this time, but I know that I have the love to give. I just don't know if I can be a parent, if I want to be a parent or if I am just a coward that is too afraid to face their fears/responsibilities. This is certainly NOT what I had in mind when I got pregnant! I have started having anxiety attacks so bad that I feel like I am going to choke. I have people that are a "friend of a friend" come up to me and say things like, "You went through hell to get pregnant, so I think you need to keep your baby." Who are these people and what right do they have to decide what is right for me and my child? I don't want my baby to have the kind of life that I had. I was physically, sexually and emotionally abused as a child. So was my brother and sister. We all wound up in foster care because my mother was too co-dependant to leave her child molesting husband. Obviously this is part of the reason as to why I have no family support. I don't even want my child exposed to these people, but they don't understand why. How does a woman decide to "just do it" and put her child up for adoption without looking back? How do I know that if I do go with adoption, that my child won't get a family like what I had? How will I live with myself if I do go that route? Are there any statistics on suicide rates among birthmothers? That may sound like an odd question, but one never knows the affect something like this can have on their mental state. I feel like a cat that is chasing it's tail. I keep going in circles because I don't know what my heart will let me do. My heart and head are not in agreement on anything right now and it is driving me nuts!!! Well, thank you for letting me sound off! Any advice would be appreciated. Feel free to email me privately if you wish to do so. JUST ONE REPLY FROM BIRTHMOM>>>> watershed32 Junior Member Registered: Feb 2003 Location: Posts: 8 Please do not apologize for emailing me about adoption. I joined this forum for a few different reasons. I wanted to get insight, support and I also wanted to see what kind of people are looking to adopt. As for having my head on straight....I doubt that. I can't even think straight because everything is so overwhelming. I am not a very religious person (and for personal reasons I do not discuss religion), but I do hope that God will guide me through the next few months. Thanks for your reply/support best wishes to Rebecca Hi, Thanks for filling us in. Please wish Rebecca a safe and easy delivery for us and tell her that there are lots of moms here waiting to congratulate her and share the daily joys as well as the struggles of parenting with her. Once you become a mother (by whatever means), you join a "society" LOL that we all belong to- there will always be someone to offer support through the big stuff as well as the "small stuff" like potty training! Like the rest of us, she will learn "on the job" and love her baby. I wish her and her baby a lifetime of happiness and am happy that she has you to be there with her now- one can never have too many friends! :-) Kelly Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged 04-23-2003 10:23 AM Where Is Rebecca I have been in contact with Rebecca for some time now. Actually since the day she first posted on here. We are a distance away from each other, although we have talked counltess hours on the phone and through e-mails. She is due to have her baby ANY time now. She has decided to parent this baby. I am planning on being there when or after she has her baby. We have become long distance friends. We were and are still hoping to Adopt. I know this baby is not "our's". I will tell her about all of you when I talk to her again. Which will be today, after her Doctors Appointment. She maybe having the baby as early as tomorrow. Gotta Go and Pack!! Terri __________________ Thanks for your kind words. You know, I had replied to Rebecca after the first time she posted her situation. I would be lying if I did not say I was looking at it from my point. Hoping to Adopt. After the shock of her initial phone call to me wore off. We just began talking pretty much every day. After about 4 weeks of talking she had to decided that if she did place her baby with anyone, it would have been my husband and I. I was on top of the world, needless to say. We truly became long distance friends. We shared our lives together, like we had been friends forever. She had then had a change of heart. I had told her to give herself more self esteem and confidence in herself. That Yes, she could take care of her baby. She had No family support, NO friends offering support. I was sad for her. Well seems like she is a new person. She is on Cloud 9 with her son now. I feel good inside that I was able to share in a part of her life. We will continue to share our friendship that has grown from one single post! I have to get off here now. As my search to complete our family continues:-) Terri __________________ This is the way Adoptions should be, Open and Honest and continue throughout if an Adoption does happen.