Frustrated

Where in So. MD? We are in the lower Solomons area and yes agency assistance in this area is so difficult! Which agency? Maybe I can offer advice?

That is so COOL!! We're in St. Leonard. We're using Adoptions Forever. But I'm getting more frustrated by the day.

Hi Hollynsteve, I'm up in the Baltimore area. One thing I can tell you for certain is that frustrations are part of the process. Even snug up against a major city, we still had problems. Some were due to the various agencies involved and some were because of the agency and their people and some were due to the postal system not being so terribly trustworthy. As for the postal system problems, if it's at all possible, hand deliver the important documents, or send them registered mail return receipt. It will at least let you know if the documents in question are being delivered or lost, and who is really to blame, and give you an opportunity to trace them if needed. There's not much you can do regarding the county agencies involved except make lots of pushy phone calls and then sit tight and wait it out. If the agency is where your frustrations lie, you may want to consider searching out a different one. It's really important to have confidence in the people that are handling this very important task for you. I had some frustrations with the agency that we used. They were minor, but by the time we reached the point of adoption in our long journey to build a family, I had very little patience left. My husband was the one who convinced me to give them a second chance when they blew the initial visit and the follow up. It was against my judgement to give a second chance, but for once it turned out well. After a while, i learned who was more competent and who was more apt to botch an appointment or give unreliable information. I learned who to speak to directly and who to bypass. The over all experience with the agency and social worker was a positive one, although not a perfect one. I think it helps to have lower expectations sometimes. From the conversations I have had with other families who have completed adoptions, my experience is pretty typical -- there are frustrations and miscommunications. I guess one of the keys to success is persistence, and asking many many questions, even if they have already been answered before. You need to feel confident that the information you get is reliable and that the agency is trying to help you in the best ways they can. If you can't feel a reasonable comfort level with your agency, then you need to consider a different agency. One of our biggest frustrations during our homestudy was when we requested the child abuse/neglect background clearances through the dept. of social services. About the time our request reached the office, the building was closed down due to a health problem. No workers were allowed back in to the building and our paperwork sat on someone's desk for weeks.

Thanks for your advice. The frustration does lie with the agency at the moment. They've made me feel like I'm being too pushy and that I'm bothering them. I am curious though. How long did it take to do the home study process? Am I just being unrealistic about it?

I live in Frederick County Maryland, and like you we had few agencies in our area. We ended up using Adoptions Together in Baltimore. They also have an office in Silver Spring. We were very pleased with their promptness and we felt comfortable contacting them anytime.

We also had gone with Adoptions Together. We were VERY pleased!!!! In fact, we had transfered our homestudy from a different agency (we are in Wicomico County...30 minutes from OC). We found a match within a few months (we were looking to adopt a child who was AA). I have only good things to say about them and suggest highly that you contact them!!! Glad others have had such a good experience with them as well. Ashley

Our homestudy took from late Sept. until the end of December -- about three and a half months or so.

Thanks for replying. When we started this that is the time frame we were looking at. We were told it would be done by January at the latest. We then decided to move and obviously wanted to get situated before starting. We officially started the process in Mid January. It's been a little over 4 months and we haven't even had our first meeting with the social worker. UGH! I get more frustrated by the minute. We received a rather rude email from them yesterday. Essentially telling us that the reason they weren't getting out letter was because our reference was sending into the wrong address. BTW She was sending it to the address that was on their letterhead. :confused: I know have no idea what to do. If we decide to switch, we'll lose 1700 dollars. Or we can stay long enough to get the home study done and then switch and only lose 500 dollars.

<<the reason they weren't getting out letter was because our reference was sending into the wrong address.>> Oh how frustrating!!! I can relate to that one. Our agency also had two offices and the social worker worked out of their second office. Some of the paperwork needed to go to the main office and some to the social worker' office. It was hard keeping track of what was what sometimes. My husband's fist set of fingerprints through the state were rejected and instead of sending the notice to our home address which was listed on the form, they were sent to his work address (which was also listed on the form) and several weeks went by before someone at the office said, Oh, by the way, these came for you! I can say this for our agency, whenever something was mistakenly sent to the wrong office, they were pretty good about couriering it to where it needed to be. It is a hard choice for you to decide to bail on them before or after the homestudy. I would probably be so impatient I would say the heck with this let's go with someone else right now, but hopefully someone with a more calmer demeanor than myself would convince me to sit tight! I know it's awfully hard to wait, especially when things that outght to be simple and speedy are just not turning out that way. Maybe this will be helpful to you. All the while I was feeling impatient with our own processing, my children -- the little babies that were meant to be with me in this life -- weren't even born yet. It was because the paperwork all came together at the time it did that we were put in line for a referral at just the right place to be united with our kids. So while all the delays and frustrations seem to be unreasonable, maybe, just maybe, they are part of a bigger plan? It's an almost universal feeling among adoptive parents that they children that join their families were meant to be, and when you get to that point yourself, you will totally understand what i mean. Adopting requires a lot of faith in so many things. Whew! this is hard!:) It's all going to be just fine!

I feel your frustration. I noticed you said you were dealing with Adoptions Forever. I looked into them in the beginning of our research. I found them to be rather business oriented not for the best of the child. I felt like they were in it for the money. I was not impressed when I spoke to the director. I am up in the Baltimore area. Is it too late to switch agencies. We decided to go with Adoptions Together after one meeting with them. I have had no problems and have been very pleased with our process so far. The Adoption process can be frustrating enough with everything we have to go through. The most important thing is you have to comfortable with the people you are working with. Best of luck to you!

Hi! I live in Northern Virginia, but we used an agency that is headquartered in Maryland, with offices in VA and DC. It is the Barker Foundation in Cabin John, MD. Theay are great and highly recommended. Our homestudy took about 4 months to complete. The wait for a match was 2 years! Oy! We brought our son home when he was 2 weeks old. He just turned 4 years old. Barker is a very caring agancy with great social workers. They offer lots of follow up and programs for adoptive families.