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My four year old son has,in the past year and a half,been experiencing anxieties.We got him in foster care in July 1999 when he was 7 months old.Bio-parents showed up for visits when they felt like it.In January 2001,parental rights were terminated and we adopted him in April 2001.As I said he has been experiencing anxieties lately and I was wondering if anyone out there is or has gone through this with a child that was taken so young.My son,Calvin, has problems dealing with changes in just about anything,from moving the furniture to even the weather changing.He gets very upset if he sees an animal on the road that has been hit by a car-he wants to know if it will make it home to its mommy.Several months ago,we bought a German Shepard puppy,and Calvin will suddenly say that Cherokee(our pup) wants his mommy or wants his family back.When I explain to him that we are Cherokee's family now he gets upset.I have to be very careful when watching the news that he doesn't see anything about people being arrested or injured,because he'll ask for days on end-what happened,why,make it go away.He has a younger sister who was adopted by friends of ours and we get the 2 together to play quite often.When it is time for her to go home or for Calvin to leave her house,he gets upset and wants to know if his sister can live with us.I explain to him that she lives with her parents and she can come visit,etc. but that just doesn't seem to satisfy him-he's very protective of her.We have 3 older children(biological) and if they decide to go to a friends house or have a friend over here,Calvin gets upset-he wants his brothers to come home and he doesn't want their friends to come here.If my husband and I decide to go out by ourselves,Calvin starts to panic.He'll tell me that I'm not allowed to go,that I have to stay here with him.I can understand that,because it is just me and him during the week when the older boys have school.There are times when I will suddenly remember that I need something from the store and I tell Calvin that we have to go and he starts to panic,asking why,starts crying that he doesn't want to go.When we're in the middle of shopping or in the van going somewhere he'll suddenly get upset and say that he wants to go home.He loves going to my husbands place of employment,but one day he suddenly ran out of the building and across the parking lot to the van.When I finally caught up with him and asked why he ran off,he said that he wanted to go home.He has never asked nor do I think he understands about being adopted,although we do talk about it with family and friends.I am wondering if,subconsciously,he does remember being taken from his bio-parents.I don't think that he remembers the birth mother-the last time she saw Calvin was right before he turned 2 and even before that visits weren't very often.Calvin hasn't seen his birth father since he was about 1 1/2.I can tell anymore what is going to set off the anxieties in him so if I can I try to avoid the situation and if not then I talk him through it if he starts to panic.For a while he would ask me if he was my baby and I would hold him and tell him yes-he still asks once in a while.I'm wondering when or if he will start asking questions about his birth parents and if he does,how will it affect him to know that they didn't try to change the situation and get him back.He knows that he is loved here,not just by us but our friends and family and he and his daddy love spending time together-especially when they are gardening,looking at Dodge trucks and "fixing" things!It is so wonderful to watch him when he is helping his daddy.I know it's normal for older children that are adopted to go through anxieties because they can remember,but quite frankly I never expected to go through this with Calvin.I have consulted with 2 mental health professionals and the one said that there is definitely something there and to try and figure out what and the other one said that I should just keep doing what I'm doing.I posted on the WebMD boards about anxiety and panic disorders and the Dr. there said that it seems like Calvin has fears of losing his home and his family.I would like some input from other parents who have gone through this or even something similar to this.
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You might consult a therapist familiar with treeting attachment problems. While your son does not have attachment disorder, some of the techniques used in the therapy can help with anxiety.
Also, theraplay may help. Some sensory problems can cause high anxiety so you may with to have him evaluated for sensory integration problems.
If any of the above thing are needed, usually, the therapist can show you techniques you can do at home.
You might also want to consult normal child development charts.
He may be going through a stage now that he should have hit at around 18 months(I think, all my kids are older).
As for the sibling, has he seen her house and her room? That helped my son know his sister was safe and he could picture her at home when she left instead of guessing where she might be.
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