I do not have any patience

Ok, well yesterday I found out my bmoms name now. I knew her maiden name from my original birth certificate. Her name is Myrna Faye Coxe. She has been married twice. I received my non id info and it told me what I already knew from my Mom. Myrna was dating a MUCH older man who had either been married before or was still married. When she told him she was pregnant with me she never heard from him again. I guess he was an alcoholic cab driver. I very well could have older siblings from him. Myrna met a man and fell in love while still pregnant with me. In her 7th month she decided to give me up. She planned on marrying this other man sometime after I was born. So, that is where my fiance and I started our search. We went to the main library and looked at marriage, divorce and death records and found her first marriage in 1972, then her divorce in 1978. Then in 1991 she remarried and is still married to him as far as I know. So, I took that new name and bought her info. I found out she lives about an hour from where I live now. I just moved here a year and a half ago. She lives in the same county as I do. In the info I found it shows possible relatives and there is a girl and two boys that are possibly her children. I am so excited. I have always been the youngest with just a brother. Now I will be the oldest with a sister and two more brothers. I have always wanted a sister all my life. Plus, I think she has three step children from her husband. Wow. I am so anxious. I hope I don't start having anxiety attacks. ok, here is the 10/4 on why I can't get married right now. My husband died from a direct result of an on the job accident. He hurt his ankle and had surgery to fix it. two weeks later he felt sick and I took him to the hospital and he was diagnosed with pnuemonia. Two days later he was dead from blood clots to his lungs. They filled up. He was gone in an hour. I watched him die in my parents house. So, I collect widows benefits from social security and SAIF(workmans comp). I cannot get remarried until we generate the money we would be losing monthly. Sucks!!! I cannot have another baby while receiving the money from saif. They suck. I had to wait while I sued the doctor and hospital who misdiagnosed my husband two days before he died. I had to wait for everything. I am tired of waiting. I have to wait to get married, I have to wait to have another baby. And now I have to wait to hear from my bmom. I have never been a patient person. I am excited, petrified, anxious and nervous all at the same time. It helps to read the other reunion stories on here, a lot. I have started making a list of the questions I want to ask her when I finally meet her. I will not give up until I do. I want to thank her in person and not in a letter. I need to see her face while I do. She only has to see me once if that is what she chooses, but once it will be darn it. She owes me that much. I want to find my bdad too. Help me please.