How do I define adoption reunion?

How do I define adoption reunion? When I was little I believed that if I reunited with my mother she would have to replace my mom. This is the first time Ive actually acknowledged this feeling, even to myself, but it was there just way down deep inside and sitting quietly, waiting. So I waited until I turned eighteen and flew off to college. While at college I thought that I was mature enough to begin my search. I wanted to know who she was and where she came from. What was her story? What were the circumstances surrounding her relinquishment of me? Who was my father? Did I look like them? Could this be because I was majoring in journalism at the time and investigative reporting intrigued me? Or could it have been the womanҒs studies class which made me proud to be a strong, independent woman who had the right to know her heritage? I dont know, but one day in speech class, no less, I decided I would give a speech on what it was like to be adopted. I went home and told my mom that I was giving a speech on adoption and did she have any information she could give me that would help in my research. She pulled out some of the papers she had kept and shared them with me. Mostly it was non identifying information about my birth parents along with the doctorҒs name, the social workers name, and a booklet on adoption with a poem on the back. That was it? There had to be more, after all this was a legal matter. Typically in legal matters theres a ton of paperwork. I had my work cut out for me. Writing the speech was difficult due to the lack of information so I read books, lots and lots of books. I found the more I read the more I wanted to keep reading. I wanted to know everything I could in regards to adoption, search, and reunion. Some of the titles I read were Birthright, Primal Wound, and Letters to My Birthmother, to name a few. While reading I would feel angry, sad, hopeful, hopeless, ҅It was a roller coaster of a ride. Did I want to open this can of wormsӔ as I called it only to run the gamut of emotions? I decided that if I found her I would go and spyӔ on her and the rest of her family to see what they were like, but I didnt need to know them. That would be my ғreunion. After all I had a family and I didnԒt want to betray them. Betrayal. Loyalty. Two words that haunted me throughout my life. In a nutshell I felt that by finding my birthmother I would betray my family. They had done so much for me. I wouldnt be the woman I am today if it werenҒt for them. How could I be loyal to them if I started searching for my birthmother? Wouldnt they think I was trying to replace them? WouldnҒt they feel unworthy? Why would she do this to us? My familys feelings were right up front. And in all the books I was reading it should have been my feelings, mine, that came first. Selfish? At the time I thought so. The speech written, I stood before my classmates and spoke about the adoption process from an adopteeҒs perspective, giving them vital information on the actual process and what my adoptive family went through, what I went through, and what I thought my birthmother went through. There wasnt a dry eye in the place. I left them with a final thought: ғNature versus nurture, Which am I the product of, The one who gave me life, Or the one who gives me love. These were the last lines of the poem that was written on the back of the booklet that my mom received from the social worker. At the time I thought it was beautiful. Reading those words now gives me a stomach ache. IԒm the product of both. Its that simple. I have two mothers, both of them equal in my eyes; not one ғversus the other. A mother gave me life and she loved me enough to do what she thought was best for both herself and me considering her circumstances. A mother gave me life by showing me a world filled with opportunities and she loved me enough to give me wings that I could fly, going off on my own to become a strong, independent woman. ThereԒs no competition; its not a football game. In getting back to my original question, how do I define adoption reunion? Adoption reunion is bringing together all the pieces of the puzzle so that we may celebrate our lives. Mood: Thoughtful