i have yet not come to terms

i have yet not come to terms that my baby is being raised by someone else. I thought i did but i was proved wrong by my mother. She told me that i know that i did the right thing but that i have yet not come to terms with it. That i still have not closed that chapter in my life. That i am holding on to the memories of what if. When i know that the what if would of never been possible. So i am finding myself asking myself how do i come to term with this and learn to accept this? If anyone that reads this entry has advice i would really appreciate recieving it because i am going crazy insane. You know her adopted parents email me and send pics via email and i get happy when i see that it is them but about an hour after i just go into utter depression. Is the emails healthy for me? i could not bare to look at the last pics that they sent me via email. i closed it out and ran to my room and cryed. I saw that the pics had the blanket that i made her during my pregnancy and all i could do was run away and cry. It hurts me so much. I love her to much. And i just cant let go.