How it feels to be adopted

July 7, 2014
by Shellie H.

In truth, they really don't understand what it feels like to be adopted.

They don't understand the questions in your head that you wonder about almost every day and can never answer.

Or the fact that your adoption lurks in the background. It is somewhat like a shadow that never speaks.

There are also feelings of being an "outsider" everyday.

Another lack of understanding among people "who don't get it" is why we as adoptees can't move on and forget about the adoption.

I wish we could. No one has been able to provide any direction to do that.

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mary fry likes this.

mary fry

I can relate. i'm fourty,four years old an i'm an adoptee also. i read your blog post: i know how it feels. sometimes it's hard to even talk about. i know those feelings your talking about. i found out i was adopted when i was in grade school. funny how i found out. i was at school one day and one of the kids on the play ground said to me. ? why don't you look like your mom and dad? so, when mom and dad picked me up from school i asked them. that's when they told me. dad said, he wanted to wait till i was old enough to understand it better. made sense to me. i was in shock. but, i knew that mom and dad that was raiseing me and raised me really did love me. but, then after finding out. the curiousness got the best of me. dad told me that he and moma knew her. and told me all they could about the situation. i grew up hearing alot of talk about her. and things that was aweful. i promised my own self- i won't never grow up to be like her. no way. one time when i was about maybe, ten. mom dad and I went over to my cousins apartment. there was a pregnant girl there. hanging out with my older cousin. later after we got in the car mom and dad told me she was my sister, and she was only sixteen and pregnant. they didn't tell me till after we got in the car and left. that she was my sister. then when i turn eighteen, i got a christmas party invitation in the mail. so i went. I walked up to the front door and there was a guy standing there, he ask me if I was mary. i said, yes. he said, nice to meet you i'm your brother sidney. come to find out i have three brothers and one sister, and four nieces. and more kin folks i have never even now, have never meet. anyway, that's my story. my true story. i like to call it " the lucky one". even though i'm not a writer. I do agree with you - they couldn't possibly understand what it feels like to be adopted. it's took me all these years to finaly find some of the answers. to who i am. still trying. i know what you mean when you say lurks in the background like a shadow that never speaks. but, sometimes i also wish knowing some of the things i know now, sometimes i wish i didn't know. about my biological mom, sometimes i wish i didn't know. never think for a second even that your an outsider. i don't know your situation . everyone of ours is different. you are not alone. and you are not an outsider. plsss, never let yourself feel like that. because, your not. everything i've found out about myself. has been through my tracking down leads . never give up . and you are never alone. if there is anything i can do to help. let me know. sincerely, m.j.fry.

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June 7, 2015
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