....I have been a mom most of my life now....

....It was sort of a shock to realize that on my oldest son's last birthday I became a person who has been a mother for more then half my life! WOW it meant a whole lot more considering the fact I am still changing diapers! When I started to really think about it long and hard I came to understand so much about who I am and what I want from the days I have left in this life. I remember knowing that my only real dream in life was to be a mother and that if I never accomplish much of anything else -- that will be enough for me. What is being a mother all about to me? I guess it is all about being the CEO of the future generation... I have never seen it as a job of doing dishes, changing diapers or showing up at the school talent show on time... I have seen my job as a mom not as raising children--but as raising Adults. After all if I am lucky enough to live a long life I should be the mother of ADULTS for much longer then the years it took to raise them.... I have learned with the older children that those things I thought were so important as a mom ended up being the least important to my children. They do not remember that Christmas when I had the choice of paying the gas bill or buying them all the presents that they wanted. They remember the homemade Orange Rolls that we had on Christmas morning much more then the gifts that were under the tree. Those homemade rolls I made one year when they were so very little because I found we had all the ingrediants and I could make something to feed my children....those rolls that I thought were just making do in a bad situation have been one of the most important traditions of my kids lives and we have not had a single Christmas without them since. I have learned that as important as I felt it was to find a way to pay for Ballet and TakWonDo classes my adult children do not even remember them... and what they remember is the fun we had after school with crayons and paper shopping bags. I have learned that all those PTA meetings I attended never meant a thing to my children but that one night I had to work instead of seeing the Marching Band's competition meant a whole lot more then anything else did. I have learned to set my priorities by looking through the eyes of the children.... Those expensive dance classes are no longer important this second time around for me... I have had a lucky break in my life because I am actually a mother who has been given two chances to do it right. First with my biological children and now with my two adopted siblings... The span of time between these chances and the input from my older kids have given me both confidence and regret. The confidence to make some adjustments to the ways I messed up before and the regret because I did mess up. The interesting part is that I expect that I will hear new ways I blew it down the line...I think this is a part of being a mom. My life is happy and I feel very blessed in that I have had the chance to be a mom four times in my life......