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Ali Carter replied on bclay1974's thread "Open adoption? Never again.".
Hi John,I'm a birth mother and also a recovering drug addict. I appreciate the fact that you are sticking to what you agreed to for your open adoption plan. That's amazing. Personally, I know that she was probably very anxious about the visit which led to drug usage which then led to her being excessively late. In my opinion, the one thing that worked for me was tough love. The parents of my child knew it wasn't a good idea for me to be around my child while I was still using drugs. Now that I'm sober I 100% agree with that. I know it's going to hurt her and she will say she hates you but until she can get sober you should probably stop visits. You could try to do 1 more visit and see how she looks and if she shows up and determine from there what the future will hold. Continue to send photos and letters though. It won't be good for your son to see his birth mother in a bad state. I hope she gets the help she needs and gets sober. i'm sorry you guys are having to go through this.
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Ali Carter replied on bclay1974's thread "Open adoption? Never again.".
You obviously have NO idea what open adoption really is. You should have never in no way shape or form been allowed to have an open adoption plan if this is how you were going to talk about the birth mother of your daughter. This is absolutely disgusting behavior. I AM A BIRTH MOTHER! I am on my adoptive mother's Facebook page. I talk to her regularly. We text, I post photos of my son, we comment on each other's photos, they are even coming here for a visit in a couple of months. We call the baby OUR SON because he is in fact OUR SON. I absolutely HATE adoptive parents like you. You give a horrible name to what adoption is and what open adoption is. You make it sound like it is so horrible. What you did is make the wrong decision because in your words "you were so desperate." Which is the ABSOLUTE WRONG REASON! I'll pray that your daughter never turns out like you and can actually see the benefits of an open adoption even though her adoptive mother is a horrible human being. I hope that her birth mother does stay in contact and continues to make you "bite off more than you can chew." Shame on you.