Birth order for 4th adoption: opinions, please!
Lightning struck 3 times and we have had 3 successful infant adoptions (after an initial two failed ones). Call us crazy, but I think we are going to jump in the game again for a 4th child. This time, we are interested in going the foster-to-adopt route. <br /><br />My question is about birth order. We have ages 8(boy), 5(girl), and 1(girl). The oldest two fight all the time but the oldest is extremely caring with the baby. She is his little jewel. Our oldest is also high functioning autistic. I don't think we would adopt anyone older than our oldest and probably not older than our middle (she has a bad case of the middle child blue right now). But what about adopting someone older than our youngest 1 year old? I know the foster care system can have a lot of kids with sexual (and otherwise) abuse issues. But how much of a concern is it with kids this young? If we go into this requesting a child 5 or younger, how wise do you think that is? <br /><br />My take on it is that every child is different and you have to treat them that way. You have to wait to see what the situation brings. My wife, however, read a long time ago about always keeping birth order and this proposition makes her nervous. If we insist on keeping birth order, we'll obviously have to wait a few years to even start the process. But if not, there seems to be a nice little gap between the middle and youngest. <br /><br />My wife is a stay-at-home mom who is amazing. She has a degree in psychology and has worked for years with special needs children. She is also fluent in American Sigh Language. By the time we finished a home study, the two oldest will be in school. I have a government job that allows me to get home at a good time. We have the attention to give. I just want to make sure we protect our children, especially the youngest.<br /><br />Thoughts?<br /><br />Thanks!