About the definition of "disability"...etc

That would be great if you could email me a copy. The agency I wanted to use doesn't really specify whether the adoption would be open or not. This would depend on birth mother, I guess. The agency does require that the adoptive parent send a certain number of photos of the child for the first 5 years or so for the birth mother. I think that it is up to the birth mother to want to receive them or participate in any way. I wanted to look into domestic African American adoption. I'm not really comfortable with the International experience--and also the cost. To further complicate things, I called around to find an agency that would let me request adopting a girl. Because I already have a boy, my biggest desire in adopting is the opportunity to parent a girl. I feel that it would be easier for me to "make a place" in the family for a girl. My son may have my genetics, but, a daughter and I would have a lot in common aside from genetics. I guess I feel the need to not have a rivalry between the two. Maybe this would be hard with another boy. Anyway, I did find an agency that would let me specify, but, they warned me that most birth mothers don't know the sex of their child, so, this would mean that I would be adopting a "sky baby" or baby that was waiting for a parental termination of rights--the father, etc. I haven't even thought about the references. I am going to an adoption introductory meeting in July. I wonder if day care would put together a reference letter if they are a chain/corporation. Maybe I could ask one of my son's teachers to do it independently. Does everyone need these letters or just people with a diagnosis?

I suppose I could just ask a number of day care teachers. My son has been there since he was 10 weeks old, so, he's had a teacher in the infant room, toddler room, and the two-year old room he's in now. I hadn't thought about adopting an older child because I have heard it would be difficult to change the family birth order and that many older children may have problems that will require medical treatment, etc. beyond the average. Of course, my son had 9 ear infections his first year and had ear tubes put in when he was 15 months. So, that was a lot of time off of work! I do have to consider that I'm presently in a 2 bedroom condo and would only be able to keep an opposite sex child with my son until age 6 or so. I live in Illinois, and the foster care license required for adoption stipulates that children of the opposite sex can't be kept in the same bedroom if they are older than 6. I'm not sure how every state works, but, here they will question me on that. Once a child is adopted, it's not an issue. I couldn't afford to adopt a sibling group, but, would be interested in the link. If I am able to adopt a second child, I will be paying for daycare for 2--Ugh! Money will be tight, but only for the first several years until they are of school age.

ask your agency up front how they feel about the dx.... DO not lie if you are on medication or in treatment the past 3 years and low and behold some one will bring it up in a letter of medical report and then they can reject you flat out for being misleading. Many, many, many people with mild disorders do adopt....Most agencies (I have had homestudies completed by 3 ) will want some kind of statement about your health stating you have an average life expectancy and the ability to raise children. If you go the foster to adopt route, you really need to look into attachment disorders and read, read, read about breaking birth order-----etc.... Internationally, some countries will not accept you with a mental disorder dx, but I don't know of any state that would reject you----some agencies will also, but most will not (some will still reject just because you are single, etc....) Good Luck!!!

Thanks for the input. It's nice that people are willing to give advice and not be judgemental. It's unfortunate that my anxiety causes me less discomfort than someone whose suffering from heartburn, but, many people treat mild chemical imbalances like they are the plague. I can certainly understand wanting the letter from the physician though. And that's not a problem. I purchased both life insurance and disability insurance having to put this on the application and get a physician statement and was accepted for coverage in both cases without being categorized high risk. So, I know it's just a matter of hoping the adoption agencies see this as a mild illness that I live with and not something that impacts my ability to parent--in other words, that they don't buy into the social stigma. I had my son through donor insemination which was a struggle in itself getting pregnant and having a high risk pregnancy. But, most people assume that I gave birth to him "irresponsibly". So, I'm well accustomed to the single mother bashing that I may get from some agencies and the assumption that one parent can't do what 2 parents can. That issue with the adoption agency won't be as traumatic for me because I'm used to the negative opinions of others. It's unfortunate since many single women can fully focus on parenting when they don't have a husband to care for and when they don't have to struggle with parenting decisions by including another person. The amount of time my son has with me where he's the focus is far beyond what I see from married couples. But, I suppose that's just a matter of priorities. I think children should always come first in a marriage, not the spouse. Spouses are adults and should be able to put their needs aside, especially while their children are very young. I don't think most people think this way. So, the single parenting alternative is a good one, and where adoption is concerned, I think it will become more and more common.