Mentally ill Birthfather wants rights

The father has brothers and sisters who are willing to take in the child and allow the parents to be a part of the child's life. How fit are parents who pay a young girl and threaten her to gain her child?

I'm sorry. I didn't see that brothers and sisters are willing to take in the child and allow the parents to be a part of the child's life. If what the mother says are true and these people are doing what she claims, they are not good - in my opinion parent people either. If mother is not telling the truth then she should not have the child either. Why does she keep having children and giving them away? I've heard of women that only like babies and then when they are older they lose interest. How sad for the children.

Mom is a mess. She was not raised well and never learned to bond with people. I think she has babies to hold on to guys but then finds the baby doesn't fix things and gets scared. If she loses contact with this one, she'll likely have another one to replace it. She's in desperate need of counseling, but isn't ready to seek it yet. She's very young and has already given up three babies. I'd like to see this child raised by dad's family knowing both his parents and having an understanding of why they couldn't raise him. Even with their weeknesses, they have a lot of good they can offer their son. I don't want any of them(child included) to miss that chance.

Dont' mean to be crude or nosy but are all three children with different fathers? How old is this woman that keeps having babies and giving them away? You say she only needs help but the father is schizophrenic - has she been diagnosed with any mental disease? Maybe she needs more than just counseling? I feel so bad for these children and if she is allowed to have more thats awful.

"I feel so bad for these children and if she is allowed to have more thats awful. ~LIR-NFL This statement rubs me the wrong way for some reason. Regardless of what's wrong with her, what do you mean by "allowed"? How do you propose stopping her? ~Sharon

She's 22. The babies all have different fathers. Grandma suspects mom has RAD. There is no way to prevent her from having more children. I really don't know mom too well. I grew up with dad and his family.

I'm sorry I rubbed you wrong, theres really no way to stop her unless she figures out herself that it is really not fair to the children to keep having them if she can't or doesn't want to take care of them. Maybe if the men she gets involved with knows she has given away three children already they will take control. Its not just up to the woman men need to be responsible too. I just find it sick that down the road this woman may be on these chats talking about children she lost. It gives all bthmothers who only tried to do what was best for their children a bad image.

I know she thinks about her children. She's very young and had she had the benefit of a loving family to support her instead of people always pushing her down she may have felt she could care for her children. She does feel that giving them away was better for them so they wouldn't have to have a mother who is all those horrible things people told her she was. As she matures, hopefully, she'll seek help. But even if her decisions were wrong now, does not mean she won't love and miss her children. It's easy to stand where we are and say how could anyone do what she did? But unless we're standing where she is, we can't answer that question or judge her decision. She exercised poor judgement in how she handled her son this time. Dad and his family would like to fix that for everyone involved.

Lucyjoy, If the mom has RAD, how likely is it that she's being fully truthful about the $900 and the threats (I know you have children who are RAD and know just how well folks with that disorder craft the truth)....and I hate to say this, but whether dad is mentally ill or not, the child still has to have diapers. I'm always a bit suspicious when folks feel a great love for a child, but don't want to make provision for that child. Exactly what has been happening with the child during the time Dad and Grandma weren't paying any child support? Did it stop eating? Did the rent come free? And why weren't the family members who are now eager to adopt this baby contributing towards its support? Something just seems a bit fishy.

Mom received aid from the state to help with the babies care to cover what dad couldn't pay on hisdisability. His family did help out and I got the baby clothes and a car seat. Mom's daycare was fully paid also. I do have questions about whether the story is true, but she gave the baby to somebody because she doesn't have it. Mom disappeared for 2 months(as she has before)and dad was in a car wreck. The can't give her diapers and food if they can't find her. Dad's family always sent diapers and food home with mom after she'd left the baby there. Dad would love to provide better for his son, but he does have an illness. Also, being poor does not make you a bad parent. Also, generally, both parents split the support of a child. Dad had the baby with him a lot. Grandma paid the rent most of the pregnancy and for 15 of the 19 months. Grandma bought mom and baby's furniture. Mom had state aid and daycare. Food, diapers and clothes were sent home with mom all the time. That did leave mom with utilities and her transportation.

It sounds like, whatever their problems, these parents were attempting to get by and doing an adequate job of it. Being poor does NOT make one a bad parent. We live in a society that is so rich that even homeless people are fat. A society so rich that even people in federally-funded housing projects who don't pay a penny for rent have running water, flush toilets, electricity, refrigerators and other kitchen appliances, central heat and air-conditioning. Our country is so wealthy that immigrants, both legal and illegal, arrive here daily from all over the world in order to benefit from our social and medical care programs. I'm not debating whether this is right or wrong... it's the way it is, it's undeniable fact. I object very strongly to the insinuation that poor people, even destitute people, deserve to have their children taken away and given to wealthier people. I am infuriated by the suggestion that people with physical, mental, or emotional handicaps and disabilities deserve to have their children taken away. I've read plenty of threads on this forum about adoptive parents or hopeful adoptive parents suffering from and being medicated for depression and other emotional disorders. I don't think this should disqualify them from parenting, so why should RAD or other mental or emotional disorders automatically disqualify these biological parents? I think a lot of people are making assumptions here. Because of her RAD, Mom is automatically assumed to be lying about a couple attempting to buy her baby for $900. I'm a birthmother, I do not suffer from any such disorder, and let me clue you in on something: there are in fact people out there who are desperate and unscrupulous enough to attempt to pay or coerce potential birthmothers into handing over their children. This is not an uncommon occurrence. And a person who suffered from RAD or another emotional disorder would be an obvious target, as well as especially vulnerable, to such tactics. I'm not saying this allegation is true or untrue. I don't know enough about the situation to say. However, what would Mom have to gain from telling such a story? This child NEEDS to be found, and this situation NEEDS to be thoroughly investigated. To me, how many men Mom has slept with, how many diapers Dad has paid for, or how many previous children Mom has placed for adoption are irrelevant distractions. The relevant issue, as I see it, is that Dad does not wish to relinquish custody of his child, and that he has done nothing wrong, nothing to warrant having his parental rights involuntarily terminated. The secondary issue is that a possible crime is being committed against two people who are especially helpless, vulnerable, and prone to be victimized (and disbelieved) because of their disabilities and their low socio-economic status. I certainly hope the matter will be fully examined in a court of law. It's true that MANY children might be assumed to be better off with couples who are older, wealthier, and more stable than their biological parents. But in this society, it is not legal to take (or buy) someone else's child simply because you feel you can give it a better life than its biological parents can. Biological parents (fathers as well as mothers) have every right to parent their children unless it can be proven that they have been abusive, neglectful, or otherwise unfit. The fact that their socioeconomic status or various disabilities and illnesses make them "potentially" unfit to parent is not legal grounds for removing their children. I despise the hypocrisy and judgement I've read in this thread. These parents, whatever their shortcomings, are the alleged victims of a sickening crime. I believe in our justice system, and I believe that the truth will come to light and justice will prevail. ~Sharon

Being poor doesn't make you a bad parent---but not providing for you child does. If he was providing for the child that's different. (Though I'm still not clear on this thing about paying the rent until the job was lost. Who paid it after that?) Anyway, I want to see if I'm following this: Mom just disappeared for two months with baby. When she reappeared the baby was gone. The explanation is that this family threatened her over $900 if she didn't give them the baby. Mom has RAD. I'll be honest, it gives the heeby geebies. I keep thinking that if we replaced "family pet" for "baby" we'd be looking at a huge RAD warning sign. Sharon, I asked about the lying not because of some belief that birthparents are no good evil doers, but because lying is part of the reactive attachment disorder. It is very much like being "sad" and unable to get up and face the day is part of depression. I have nothing against birth parents---or in fact people with RAD. In fact, I WANT to adopt preteen with RAD or ODD. Yes there are evil baby buyers out there....at the same time there are young people out there who have disorders like RAD and ODD who will lie right to your face. Now it is entirely possible some mean family gave this woman $900 to buy her baby.....it is also possible that she is nuancing the truth.

"Though I'm still not clear on this thing about paying the rent until the job was lost. Who paid it after that?) " The people who took the baby in exchange for the rent money. Mom could have used her AFDC to pay the rent. Mom recived more money from dad's family and AFDC then she would have in a custody agreement. Besides, Dad also took care of the baby a lot of the time. There are parents who have 50/50 care where noone pays anyone support. So, if parents are disabled and struggling with money they should just give up their children? Since grandma lost her job and couldn't pay the rent and mom was spending the AFDC money and selling her food stamps then too bad for dad? Dad has a place to live and the baby could have stayed with him or with his aunts. Had she brought the child to him instead of taking off, he'd have taken care of the baby. He's not refusing to support his child. His disabled, but mom still gets her support from the state and whatever dad's family provides on top of that. You'd be suprised at how often babies are sold this way. I'm looking for legal advice to help dad, not judgement. You don't know these people, nor have you walked in their shoes. I've known dad since he was four years old and I've known his family since then. I know what he's been through.

Hi, LucyJoy: I've been following this thread in hopes that you would post that the mom has given the name of the people to whom she gave her baby. What if she just abandoned the baby? Can you get concrete proof that the baby was given to someone? This is an issue for the police to handle as it is clearly baby trafficking!! Your family is in my prayers that you find the child soon and in good health!!! Mommy2amiracle

The police said we need to find what county mom left the baby in before they will get involved. Dad's family is in touch with an attorney and has been given some advice on what he needs to do to get social services invlved in finding the baby. Mom has never harmed any of her kids. She has always placed them for adoption when she didn't feel she could handle them. She's been seen with the girl whose mother supposedly has her son. I really haven't heard much more.