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Help! Susan tried to get on your discussion group, probably better I couldn't my hands have stopped shaking now. Had to call 911 this morning, SOMEONE started a fire in the garage! OUr house is fine, we got it in time, the Fire cheif came by, looked around as we asked him for help in figuring out how it started, Wires? Electric? Chemical? He just looked at us and said, you have to work this out. Meaning: someone started it. Usual Sat morning routine, kids get up watch cartoons, we sleep in a little. Always has been fine. OUr RADISh, has shown attraction to fire, we give him appropriate uses, lighting candles at christmas, helping dad burn brush in back, etc. But never anything like this. He couldn't Trick0treat one year because he was playing with matches at grandpas. He had a little over a year of therapy, met all his goals, has been doing well. Did Hannah ever do that? Any advice. We are letting them think about it now. Our two kids from RUssia, 5& 6 when adopted now 9 & 10. The 10 is our Radish. Just hit me the gravity of it all here. Trying to not over react. We will talk about "lessons learned" tonight. Thanks!
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Having a child who has Reactive Attachment Disorder and helping that child heal are very stressful for parents. The first step is to create an environment that is safe for everyone. I'd suggest you begin by keeping your child in line-of-sight supervision; that will eliminate many possibilities for the child to hurt himself or others. You also really need to get treatment for your child and family by a competant and fully trained therpaist... see [url]www.attach.org[/url]
Finally, There are many good ideas in Nancy Thomas book When Love in Not Enough...but you have to remember that most often it is how you engage the child...your attitude that is critical. Parents have to create a healing PLACE That means being playful, loving, accepting, curious, and empathic.
Best regards.
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Thanks so much...I like what you said about "a healing place". We talk about safety a lot. Our son, he wants to be safe. Saftey is inherently important in everything he does. Lots of rocking in his sleep lately. But we have had a few good days. We found that in our local fire department, they have a counselor/training officer who sees families with children who have started fires. We visited with him two days ago. It was a wonderful experience. The kids really listened. So did we. He brought up things that I did not think of, they train him to talk to families through the State of Indiana. In the end, our son apologized to us and asked for us to trust him again. We have someone to go to for a FUN visit, if we have a couple good weeks. And if this happens again, we have him to go to. I had not thought of legal issues, the health department or if someone was hurt, our son could be facing juvenile detention. We were assured that we are doing the right things. Still going to take First Aid as a family. We gave our kids rewards for finding all matches, lighters, etc in the whole house, and my DH and I put them away in a safe secret place. Thanks so much, keep up the good work you are doing to help children and families.
You might want to get a copy of the following book and read it with your son.
Don't Touch My Heart: Healing the Pain of an Unattached Child. Lynda Gianforte Mansfield and Christopher Waldmann. (age 7+) A moving story about how an attachment disordered child and his successful treatment. Can be read to any age child.
Best wishes