dealing with the state

I've never adopted (I'm a birthmom), but from what I've read on the forums, I doubt you'll have trouble passing the homestudy... the SW wants you to pass. He/ she is there to help you, not persecute you. It is my understanding that your family background will not play a huge role (ie. whether you were raised by grandparents or a single mom). The main objective of a homestudy, as it relates to extended family, is to ascertain whether they are onboard as far as the adoption, whether they will be accepting of an adoptive child as a member of the family. As far as your political leanings, I doubt the topic will even come up. Again, I've never undergone a homestudy and I understand why you'd be nervous. But adoptive parents are just regular people. Nobody expects them to be saints or model citizens. It seems like just about everyone is able to pass the homestudy without any significant problems. I think the main objective of a homestudy is to ensure that your home is safe for children in a practical sense... ie. pool fenced in, medicine and cleaning products kept out of reach on a high shelf, etc. Hopefully if things aren't satisfactory, the SW will tell you what you need to do to correct them, rather than just flunking you. The adoptive parents I've met on this forum are ordinary folks like you and me, each with their own unique situations, quirks, and world views. Just relax and be yourself, and don't sweat it. I think you'll be fine ;) . Best wishes, ~ Sharon

Just a word of caution: Many of thechildren placed by state agencies have issues that need to be addressed like past neglect or abuse, multiple placements, PTSD, etc. Make sure you understand this and are well prepared with resources available. You said you are a young couple and if you have never parented a child that age , it could be quite a challenge! Make sure you are well prepared! It sometimes does take a while to get back your expenses with a purchase of sevices. Some states pay the agency directly anfd you neversee a bill. It just depends on how the particular state chooses to handle this. I doubt the home studty will be a problem. As long as you are stable with no ctriminal history and with adequate room in your home, you should be fine!

Thanks! So if there are (minor) problems with the homestudy they usually tell you what to fix and come back later to see if you've followed though?? That would make sence...it would seem they need to find homes, so they would rather improve you than flunk you. About the behavioral/emotional problems these children usually have--Do the folks responcable for the child let you know up front what past problems and special needs exist? I have taken 3 credits on SED, so I know (theoreticly) whaty I'm up against. But I'd hate to have a child placed with me and THEN find out what truama the child has faced and what behaviors that tranlates into. We could (far as we know) have children the old fashion way, but it seems silly to bring a child into this world when there are so many already here and in need of love.

As far as telling you about the children's issues.I would hope that they would be up front and honest with you and share all info they have! Sometimes they don't provide all info and sometimes they just aren't aware the issue exists! My son 's caseworker shared with us that he had some disturbing behaviors but told us ahe thought they were a side effect of the large amounts of asthma medications, steroids, theophylline, etc he was taking / She was sure that once we got him in our home away from the allergens, he would do fine. Well, his asthma stabilized alsmost immediatly and he was tapered of of the meds but the behaviors continued full force. It was a parenting challenge we hadn't planned on and it changed our lives completely!

I don't live in your state, but I adopted from my state. In my opinion, it's easier to parent emotionally disturbed children if you don't already have healthy children. We never paid any out of pocket for our adoptions except alarm systems and furniture for a sib group placement. It took a month to get paid back.(the alarm was for a particular child I chose to take with a serious problem) The states try to give you as much information on a child's background before placing a child, but they don't always know everything up front. Children in foster care are placed there do to trauma(abuse, neglect, death of parent, severe poverty). All of these things are losses. That doesn't mean the child has irreversible problems. Most of these children can and do heal and bond with their new families. You need to educate yourself on attachment parenting and on the affects of trauma on children. I don't know who wrote it or if it's still in print, but there is a book caled Don't Touch My Heart which is a good place to start. I also like Keck and Kupecky's Adopting the Hurt Child.

We are adopting a girl from PA (we are from MD). She is 6 yo, so not as young as you are looking for but close. She is physically heathy, but she does have some emotional issues. I know this has been stated by others, but its important to remember - these children are not available for adoption for no reason. Most are there due to abuse and/or neglect and that will create problems for them. The social worker will (or should) tell you everything about the child that they know. Of course, with these children, not everything may be known. When you are interested in a child, you will receive a profile outlining the child's past history and current diagnosis. Read it carefully. The homestudy was no problem at all. Its purpose is not to weed you out. When the worker writes up the homestudy, it will be used by the social worker of the child to see if you are a good match. No family is perfect and they know that. Also - I'm like you in that my husband and I could have a baby (as far as we know) but chose adoption instead. I have two bio kids from a previous marriage and our adopted daughter is just as much my child as the other two. It doesn't matter how they enter the family.

Most of the things that you would have to do to be able to adopt a child in foster care will be provided free of charge, assuming you go through the proper channels. If you contact either DFS (or it's equivalent: family services, social services, children's services, whatever your area calls it) directly, or an approved and contracted-with-the-state private agency, then both your homestudy and your required training will be provided free. You may have to give a small registration fee, but that would be a couple hundred dollars or less in most cases. You see, the state has already stepped in and taken care of the most expensive parts of the case - they've located the children who cannot live at home, they've removed the children into temporary housing, they've terminated the rights of the parents. When it is time for an adoptive family to step in to finish the process, usually all that is left are the final court costs, which will be one or two hundred dollars, usually. That's reimbursable through tax credits, and even if you don't qualify that's hardly enough money to worry about. in my area of Colorado, our total fees will be $325 - that's application and finalization fees both. The training that is mandatory will be invaluable to you. It will go over the types of issues that children who needed to be removed from their homes are likely to have, as well as what you can do about the behaviors and emotions. BUT, the training does not go nearly far enough. How can it, when the training is only going to last about 30 hours and it took maybe 5 years of abuse for the child to learn their behaviors? I would recommend that you get and read the books "Adopting the Hurt Child" and "Parenting the Hurt Child" - both authored by Keck and Kupecky. If you don't even understand how children get to be in foster care or how they become free for adoption by other people, then add "A Child's Journey Through Placement" to your reading list. If those books (at least, the sections dealing with the younger children) don't scare you away, then go ahead and pursue adoption from foster care. But many, many people decide either before or during the formal training that the issues presented are something that they would be unable to deal with, and back out of the process at that point. No shame in doing that! However, in return for being extremely cheap, the process is extremely annoying. You really need a caseworker you trust. The caseworker probably knows about dozens of children in the age range you're looking for, but you'll have to trust her because she'll keep 90% of them from even being presented to you. You have to believe that she knows something about those children that you don't, even though confidentiality laws prevent her from explaining to you why they wouldn't fit in your family. Caseworkers are supposed to give you the whole story about children that you might adopt (not at the initial meeting about the child, but at a later one). However, sometimes they don't. Sometimes they are so determined to match the child with *someone* that they gloss over details. You may need to be rather pushy to get to actually read the child's file. Other times, the caseworker doesn't know everything - perhaps they're new to the case, or the file is lost. Sometimes the child did not display all their possible behaviors while in foster care - some kids need to live somewhere a year or more before relaxing enough to show themselves. Other times the caseworker simply doesn't believe that the child can behave in the way the foster parent or schoolteachers report. Those are sad cases that often result in mismatched placement - when the caseworker thinks the child can do no wrong but the child is really horrible toward primary caregivers, just not casual visitors like caseworkers. As everyone else said, this age group is rather popular. It could be a long wait. But I do believe PA has a foster-adopt program that you could ask about. In a nutshell, some people take in foster children of the age, gender, and behaviors they would be interested in adopting. Then, if the child is returned to their parents they go on to foster the next child like that. Eventually, one of their foster children is unable to return to the biological parents, and the foster parents who have known her for the last several months are given the first opportunity to adopt her. It's something to ask about, at least. Not everyone wants to do that, though, so don't worry if that doesn't appeal to you. But it is a way to have children in your home quickly, even if the first one you have isn't the one you get to adopt. Hope this babbling will help you somehow! Hop over to the Foster Care & Adoption bulletin boards, and the Special Needs adoption bulletin boards (if you haven't already), and read through a lot of the old posts for an idea of some of the issues that will face you if you decide to adopt through this route. My husband and I are adopting through foster care, and probably going the foster-adoption route, but it took many months of research and long discussions to be completely comfortable with that decision. Good luck!