Here's Your Story...

There are other possible "stories" in which to consider. TV generally, in airing stories about adoption, tends to lean towards the happy reunions...flowers, rainbows and butterflies. But is this reality? Not for most and not for me. If you don't choose my story, please consider something more real. I understand that there are a choice number of adoption stories that are "magical" and "ironic," but don't you thinks it's time to tell the truth? How about telling viewers how the state and/or government doctors your files and birth certificates so you celebrate your birthday on the wrong day! How about telling the public about how social sevices manipulates birth parents into signing over your rights under false promises, such as..."you'll be able to contact your child at anytime." That was NOT my story, but I wanted to make a point. That being said, here's my story.... I was adopted at 2 by a "family" on Long Island. The reason for my relinqueshment was "b-mother left child unattended in a motel room." My adopted parents divorced 1 year after I was adopted. Reasons for their divorce....A-father, "did not want that retard playing with "his" daughter's toys..."It's her or me." In other words, my A-father didn't like me from day 1! My A-mom worked at a state psychiatric hospital and became hooked on prescriptions that she was "supposed" to administer to her patients. She would laugh and cry simultaneously. If I wet the bed, she rubbed my nose in it, if I threw up, she rubbed my nose in it...when I came home with less than a B on my report card she would get down on her hands and knees and scream at the top of her lungs .."oh God, what did I do to deserve this." Oh... and then there was my A-sister, she would make me touch her in places i'd rather not say and threaten that if I didn;t...she "will tell mom to give me back."That was only the beginning of what life had in store for me. My A-sister became a "satanist" and a heavy drug user. She would kick and punch me in the head if I touched any of her stuff....she threw my A-mom down the stairs. Well, my A-mom hurt her back and I had to literally wipe her clean after she used the bathroom, I was 7. FYI, that same year I saw my A-mom's will where she had written me out of it, why I will never know. Well my sister straightened out after several years of abusing herself and I...and went into the Airforce. It was me and my A-mom alone, good?...I think not. My A-mom's mental condition got worse. She would meet me at the front door and pull me in and up off the floor by my hair, almost everyday. I had bruises all over my legs and back from her metal "spaghetti spoon." When I was 12, a friend's mother witnessed a beating episode and called Child Protective Services. My A-father was now an alchoholic living in the streets and so thank God for my friend's mother's kindness, she let me stay their while CPS conducted their interviews and "investigations" into the abuse towards me. They measured three inch gashes on either side of my neck, I stayed with my friend for 2 months and guess what? My A-mom was granted custody of me again....Reason..."Abuse unfounded." For 2 years that word danced through the halls of my house. Not a day went by that my A-mom didn;t scream in that cold, deep voice..'UNFOUNDED, unfounded Jenny, do you know what that means?" I knew what it meant, it meant no one could save me but ME. I stayed out for two weeks at a time trying to avoid my A-mom and her episodes. As a result, the Junior High School filed a petition against me and my a-mom for truency. I went to summer school that year and passed with a 95 in math, 98 in English and a 97 in Science. Needless to say, the judge handling that case said " I don;t feel bad for you, 'cause your very intelligent." Anyway, about a year later, I received a phone call in the middle of the day from my A-mom's "best friend." What she told me I could never have prepared for! "Your mom sold the house and she is moving to Florida, she is planning on just leaving you there." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I confronted my A-mom with this information when she came home and she just replied..."yes, that's what I'm going to do. Well, just before my 16th birthday, that IS what she did. She did leave me her old car (that was nice of her) and I slept in it for 2 weeks till I made enough money to live somewhere. All I could afford was 1 room, I shared a bathroom and kitchen with other people. They drank and yelled and knocked on my door at all hours of the night looking for anything from toilet paper to crack. I went to the train stations to collect cans from the garbage pails for food, I worked 12 hours a day as a housekeeper in a hospital and finally saved up enough money for a place of my own. i quickly scooped up my A-father from the streets and we lived there until he stole my rent money and we were evicted. i called my A-mom for help only once...here's why.. "Mom, it's cold and I have no where to go, Can you help"? A-mom said" No I can't, good luck!" Anyway that was 10 years ago (when I was evicted I was 18), I am now 28 and operate my own website in which I designed and created on my own....it pays the bills! I am proud of myself and although it seems like nothing to most of you "middle" and "upperclass" folk, it means an awful lot to me. I am, however, saddened by the fact that I have no "real" Family to share my pride with. All I ever wanted was to be secure, atleast in something. I'd prefer it to be emotionally, however, i don;t think that day will ever come. I recently went to a restraunt for dinner with my husband and I saw this woman, she looked sooo much like me. Height, shape, eyes and all, wow! I never felt so sure of something in my life, I just know that's her. My husband said..."Miss, you look familiar, what town are you from?" She rambled for a while and looked at me, we stared at each other for what seemed to be an eternity....it was 'weird.' For a whole week I was flying, I was convinced that was her, we decided to go back to the restraunt, she was there. I kept hearing her friend say "Don;t say anything," I figured they were talking about me. The woman was a waitress there and decided not to wait on my table....I guess she wants nothing to do with me. Hey, perhaps I want nothing to do with her. Like a phoenix rising above the flames... I too will rise.... and rise again. The point of this story was that....A.- Social workers need to screen prospective A-parents a bit more thoroughly & B.-If you must believe in something....believe in yourself. Don't ever let your past or your insecurities and disappointments hold you back. I am doing well....I am a woman of strong will and character brought on by the wonderful "obstacles" I call life. That's the point, this is life. I have dealt with it and continue to do so! *This is my story, if I have offended anyone, I apologize. The truth should be told, friends...even the ugly truth. Thank you for reading this. May peace pass upon you without pain. Update to : Here's your story... well, as you may have read in the above story, I did come across a woman whom I thought was my B-mom. I felt it in my heart that it was in fact her and so I decided to send a letter to her c/o the restraunt (I knew her first name because she waited on us and signed the check...Andy.) In the letter I gave her some info about me and asked that if she was in fact my B-mom to please write or call me....well 3 days later she did call. I missed the call and a message was left on my answering machine. She gave me the number to her job and her cell phone. I completely freaked!!! This was huge, I can't believe that after all this time and all my searching, I had finally found her against all odds. For I truly thought that I would NEVER find her.....after all, I didn't even know her name!! Anyway, I called her job and after I said my name to the person on the other end..there was a huge pause followed by a "hold on a minute, please." My heart was in my throat! Another voice came to the phone and said " She is busy right now talking with her boss, does she have your number?" Yes she does "Okay, she will call you back if not later tonight, tomorrow." Thank you very much and I hung up. That was 3 days ago and I have not heard anything from her since. I even called her cell phone yesterday and left a message stating in the nicest way possible "I sure would like to hear from you." No contact whatsoever. I guess my gut feeling was right, she probably changed her mind and doesn't even want to call ONCE as requested in my letter...."I don't expect anything, I would just like to speak with you atleast one time. I have wondered about myself for so long." So, I'm not important enough to speak to....ok, I can deal with this...I guess. She rejected me before...why should this be any different. Sorry I needed to vent here and also add a little "beef" to my story.