New & hi

welcome, i am the foster to adopt parent of an multi-ethnic (aa/ca) little boy. he came to my home at 3 months of age and just turned 2 in may. i pray that his adoption will be final some time soon, but i have learned not to hold my breathe.

hi mckenna, thanks for the kind welcome. and i apologize for this delay in responding! we left for a little vacation the day after i wrote that intro. you wrote of your little boy....and the hoping/praying/waiting. i have known the spectrum of emotions experienced by one who awaits closure. our foster program was with chicago's DCFS. prior to adopting, i worked for a foster care agency contracted by DCFS. DCFS claims to first and foremost consider what is "in the best interest of the children", but i feel it is a pledge that has been violated more oft than not. i base that on what i knew to be true seven years ago, but i have been told - and have recently read - that "the system" is improving, and the children are not waiting as long for permanency, and i am encouraged and hopeful in this. you have had your son for almost his whole life. i wish and hope and pray that your son has found a forever family in you. carrie

thanks for your good thoughts, his paternal tpr is today, so keep your fingers crossed. do you have any type of contact with your children's birth parents or birth relatives?

hi mckenna, no parental contact at all. however and i thank God for the contact rina still has with her half sister (she is 3-4? yrs older than our daughter). she doesn't have much contact, but the girls do call each other on the phone every so often. her sister lives about 2 hours from us and her parents will not consider meeting halfway for a visit, and we have driven down pick her up for birthday parties but then she can only stay for an hour or so---and we drive her back. so it's a very long driving day. we're going to try just spending the day down where she lives, maybe shopping or something. that way there won't be such a time crunch. there are 2 (+?) more half sisters who were born and placed after rina and her sister were placed, but i am not sure where they are - except one is with her birth father's sister. i found bm's mother and contacted her via our agency with a letter and photo of rina. heard nothing from her for months and months. then i got up the nerve and called her at work. she was okay about it. i didn't want visitations or anything, i just wanted to know if she had, in fact, ever received the photo of her granddaughter...she said she had, and had tried to call the agency but it was the wrong number. (?) she was reserved and i imagine as uneasy as i was but she gave me her home addy and said it would be okay for me to send letters or pictures. she didn't ask any questions, and neither did i, save for the ones asking if she rec'd the picture and whether she'd mind if i sent any add'l pics. that was about 3 years ago, i reckon. and i haven't sent anything. i think i want to, but for some reason i think again. i don't know. my mom's always said i think too much.... when we adopted our son, bm did not want any contact. it makes me sad, in a way. i can only imagine the pain and all sorts of other emotions surrounding her reasoning. sometimes i am overwhelmed with gratitude for the priceless gift she gave to us in her son, our son; many tears....overwhelmed with gratitude to her. just wishing i could thank her, just wanting and wishing to see her (we never met) - i wonder if he looks like her...his eyes and smile are beautiful. and we no virtually zip about his bf, practically nothing. i wonder, too, what he is like, what he looks like, and if he ever wonders...... then the "i wish i could meet her" thoughts are followed by myriad considerations...most people i talk to about this can't even believe i entertain thoughts of meeting her, thanking her....they say "leave it be". my thoughts are only thoughts, wishes, dreams. improbable if not impossible. i think that after he reaches 18, he can search? i'm not sure about Illinois' adoption regs & rules. his bm signed a document stating she did not want any contact and i am not sure if that means he can never obtain records should he want to search for her when he is 18.... he has told me that when he is old enough he wants to. he has some half siblings that live with her and hopes he can meet them one day. sometimes my heart breaks, knowing his bm and his sibs are out there, and i do pray one day they will be able to find one another, if he still wants to and if they want to.....i wonder if they ever ask about him, wonder about him, what he looks like, what he likes to do, things like that. gosh don't i EVER think too much. ;) mckenna, what is parental tpr? what was the outcome, if you don't mind me asking. here is a little web page i did a few years ago when christian was 4 and rina was 6. chris still looks similar, rina's hair is much longer- otherwise they, both still favor their younger selves: beautiful and full of life! [url]www.geocities.com/twolittlestarsus/pictures_of_us.html[/url] wishing you all the best, carrie

your kids are beautiful. i wish i could post pictures of mine, but they are still foster children. anyway, tpr is termination of parental rights. my son's bmother voluntarily surrendered her rights but when his birthfather (who has only seen him one time, at his actual birth) was served with termination papers, he contested the termination of his rights. the hearing went well, i think, the judge did not rule from the bench, but she set an adoption date (so i guess you can assume how she is going to rule). anyway, dad can still contest the ruling which would prolong the adoption, but there will be no more hearings. we have an open adoption with my son's maternal birth family. did you adopt your son through dcsf or a private agency?

it never ceases to amaze (and enrage) me that the termination of parental rights can take as long as it does sometimes - in cases like your son's, for example. the man has seen his son once, in two years. did he have a service plan to follow? where has he been for 24 months? (i'm not trying to be nosy, i'm just venting, trying to make a point...) it blows my mind that a child's need for, and longing for permanency -- his birthright is denied without just cause. this parent has, in two years, made no EFFORT to make "right" whatever "wrong" circumstances initiated the child's removal from his care. sheesh, i get steamed. anyway. it looks very positive for your little one and you, that adoption will take place.:cool: future's so bright, think i'll wear shades! how is your and your son's relationship with his maternal birth family? do you see them often? does his birth mother see him? christian's adoption was through a private agency in Oak Park. when we adopted christian, the agency (Adoption Link, "An African-American Infant Adoption Program") was just a "baby" itself - just getting started, only in operation a few years, and quite small. in seven years it has grown up considerably. an adoption now costs a couple thousand dollars, which is a lot more than it did back in 1996. and now they do international adoptions, too. i recently asked my husband if he'd be interested in fostering again. he said "no", but then, a few minutes later, he said, "let me think about it...." the ones who wait, just wanting to stop waiting. if i can possibly give them hope - love - some kind of goodness that they can keep -- i want to do that. all the best, mckenna, to you and yours. carrie