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Originally Posted By WendyHi - I too am a single mom and feel like I don't get very much time with my daughter. We try to make the most of weekends! I have let some of the cleaning go as my daughter is more important!! I try to do cleaning when Emily is taking a nap on Sat. I am fortunate enough to have my mom take care of my daughter while I am at work. How old is your daughter?Wendymom to Emily Rumki (Calcutta, India) - 19 months
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Originally Posted By JessieI'm sure you're a loving mom and more than "enough" for your daughter! If you're worried about whether you're providing her with enough stimulation or the chance to experience different things, enlist the help of friends and family. I live with my sister, which is a great help to me...when I get tired she'll fill in for a while, which gives me a break and yet still gives my son time with someone who loves him dearly and is willing to play with him and read to him, etc. I also have other family members with young children who are happy to take Sam along with them on special trips...to the zoo or whatever. It's a godsend. It is overwhelming at times, I know. I've often felt the same way..."Can I really give this kid what he needs?" It's an awesome responsiblity...but I personally feel that those of us who make it through the entire adoption process are more than up to the challenge.Please feel free to e-mail me if you'd like to talk more. My address is jbschmo@win.bright.net.
Originally Posted By RhondaRecently, I listened to my pastor relay an essay that a child wrote for his father, but it could easily apply to a single mom.It went something like this:My dad is a great dad because when I was old enough he wanted me to play soccer and baseball. He signed me up for lessons and took me himself. Day after day he spent time teaching me to play. It ends up that I hate soccer and baseball and the sport I really like is basketball. Now my dad is learning to play basketball. I submit this because I just want to remind you that your child will let you know what he or she needs and you'll find time to focus on that.
Originally Posted By OMG!!!!!What a terrible, unsupportive thing to say. I firmly believe it is not the number of parents, but the amount of love you have to give. I was a single mom for a little while...and I WAS ENOUGH. Ladies, don't let this discourage you. One can be enough when you care enough to make the best of it. Love your babies and dont be discouraged. You can do it!!
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As a birthmother, one of the reasons that I decided to place my child for adoption was the fact that the father had died suddenly and it would be just me. I was reassured by the fact that the adoptive couples had a good marriage and would stay together. If I ever thought that it would just be one parent, I would have never placed my child with them, because I could have done just as well as them. So if you have a child and you are now single, raise them and do all that you can for them, but more birthmothers should see that they too can raise a child on their own just like you and NOT place their own child for adoption. Why tell someone they should not raise a child because they are single just to be raised by another single parent?
Originally Posted By JessieIf the only reason a woman places her child for adoption is because she is single, that's really too bad, because single parents with a strong support system can parent every bit as effectively as a married couple. The only difference in single birthmothers and single adoptive mothers may be that a single adoptive mother is CHOOSING to become a single parent, and therefore she may be in a better place financially and (maybe) emotionally to be a parent. I am a single mother of a three year old boy whom I adopted two years ago, and I'm proud of that. I have alot of support and my son has many wonderful male role models in my friends and family. We've talked about the different kinds of families there are...in my son's preschool there are some kids with a mom and a dad, some have just a mom, one has only a dad, etc. And if anyone wants to think my son would have been better off, or more loved, in a two parent home, think again. You'll have to do some fast talking to convince me.
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Originally Posted By CynicI think that you are right that single parents can be good parents. More women need to know that it is ok to be single parents. They can raise their children on their own. Nobody should ever tell a woman that she should place her child for adoption because she is single. Don't people rationalize adoption by saying that you are placing the child in a better home? Well if you have nothing more to offer other than more money, than you would not be a better parent. You may be a good parent but it would necessarily be better. Since you are not placing the child in a home with any better situation then why not raise your child yourself and not place the child for adoption.
Originally Posted By JessieSingle parents can be great parents, and I say again that any woman who is pregnant and single, and plans to place her child for adoption ONLY because she is single, please think well. Yes, I'm a mom through adoption...my son came home from Romania when he was almost two. He had been left in the hospital by his birthmom, placed in an orphange, and the family had no contact with him for the entire time he was there. He's a wonderful, beautiful little soul, and yes, he probably could have been adopted by a two-parent family, but as I said earlier, if anyone thinks he would have been more loved, or had a better life just because it was a married couple, I"ll say straight out that you're wrong. My older sister gave birth to her first son back in 1974, when out-of-wedlock pregnancy was still frowned upon somewhat. She was a single mother who chose to parent the baby. It was HARD for her, very hard! She eventually did marry her boyfriend (the baby's dad) and they've done very well. But she proved she could do it alone, too. Now her daughter, my niece, is in the same situation. Pregnant and unmarried. She is also going to parent her baby. If single women who are pregnant truly don't feel up to the challenge of raising their child, who feel financially or emotionally they're just not ready, adoption is a wonderful option. But let it be YOUR choice, not your parents', your friends' your minister's, your counselor's, or a stranger's choice. Because you are perfectly capable of raising that child as a single mom. It will be hard, there will be times that you'll wonder if you did the right thing, nights when you'll cry right along with your crying, screaming baby. You'll be tired and frazzled and scared. But it will pass. Build your support system of family and friends. Find support groups in your area (and there are such groups!). There is nothing wrong with being an adoptive parent, single or married, but there's nothing wrong with being a single birth parent, either! End of sermon! Best wishes to all.
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I know you can do it, my husband left me when my 3 girls were little 6,3, and 6 months. I didn't think i could do it at first. They are grown and on their own,wonderful adults, my youngest just got married to a man she met on a mission trip in Australia he is a pastor.and she is a lovely young woman.I did remarry and had a little boy. My husband and little boy were both killed by a drunk driver. I am considering adopting a little girl and I'm 46. Basically all you need is a lot of love,and I,m sure you have that. God bless you! Cheryl I have worked in Preschools for many years and believe me one good parent can be alot better then some of the parents i have seen where there are two.