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Seven years ago, I placed my birthdaughter in open adoption. I have a wonderful relationship with her and both of her adoptive parentsbut I sure wasnŒt prepared for what I am facing now.
Having moved on and married, I tried to start a family with my husbandonly then did I find out I am suffering from Secondary Fertility and Early Onset Menopause. IŒm lucky enough to have been able to parent a son born before my daughter, but I find myself wanting more children.
Dealing with infertility and adoption can be a daunting task for anyone, but especially so for birthparents who have placed a child in adoption. I am lucky enough to have a wonderful open relationship with my daughter and her parents, and they have been very supportive of my desire to adopt.
I look forward to meeting others like me, and networking here on the forum :)
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Good for you!! It's nice to hear a success story!!!
It is a hard position & can definitely come with a lot of judgment. (I actually had my best friend say, "Do you realize you will have done every option?") Geez! :o)
Anyway, like you said, circumstances change, & no one can fully understand unless they've walked in our shoes.
I'm just comforted to know that I'm not the only one in my shoes!! :o)
Joye
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Wow, my first post after lurking here forever! I placed my daughter 15 years ago in a semi-open adoption. My dh and I are now in the process of a older child adoption through the state. The thing that made me most uncomfortable was sitting in any sort of "adoption seminar" and hearing people talk about "birthparents". I felt like I didn't belong there. One place even showed a video on why it was better to adopt from China because birth parents change their mind and take back their children. I feel so happy knowing i'm not alone.
Welcome Torren!
So you're adopting an older child? Domesticly or Internationally?
We're going the domestic route, and we start our classes next Thursday...we'd been putting it off because we were moving to a new county, and wanted to start there, rather than having to transfer everything!
I hope you'll post here, and stop lurking!
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I'm in Colorado. Our homestudy took 2 days. She came to our house and talked to us both for about an hour, then I went back to work and she talked to my husband alone for another hour. Then I went to her house the next day and talked for about an hour. Two weeks later we had our approval from the county. We talked about my daughter, but not much. I was so afraid about the homestudy, but it was so easy. Actually, this whole process has been smooth, except the wait for our daughter now!
jhenrie- We had to sign a contract that we would stay with the county for 6 months before we can go anywhere else. We have a month left till we can look elsewhere. I have my eye on a little girl in another county here.
BrandyHagz-At this time we are not doing legal risk because my husband is uncomfortable with it. But we have in our file that we would like to hear of a situation if they feel it is a good match. Our case worker is really great, she and my husband really "clicked". He is a youth corrections officer and they talk "shop" all the time.
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Well I thought the day would never come but it has. Next Tuesday (2/3/04) is our court day to finalize everything. Adam is now just about 10 months old. He is growing so fast and I want him to slow down!! The strange thing is that Feb. 2 is the day that I gave birth to my first baby. Strange isn't it. Adam was born on 3/31 and I gave birth to my second baby on 3/29. I just find that weird. Haven't talked to his b-mom since we had a nameing ceremony in September. I don't know what to do. Should I keep trying or wait for her.
:confused: :D
How exciting! I am so happy that there are other bmom's out there trying to adopt now!
I placed my first child for open-adoption 14 yrs ago. Since then I have had 4 more bio-children and now my husband and I feel it's time for another child. I had my tubes tied after the last c-section because another pregnancy would be too risky. We are at the begining of the adoption process... Just about to start classes.
Today at the intake interview I was asked about my experience with adoption and the intake interviewer seemed a little shocked for a moment when I told her about my first child, but she was very professional and nonjudgemental about it. I told her I was 17 and still in Highschool when I gave birth to her.
I thought about this alot while my husband and I were considering adoption. I wondered if we would be 'allowed' to adopt, etc. As far as I was told as long as there are no negative dealings with cps/ etc that there would be no problem.
I do want to know from you all that have open adoptions, what do the parents of your bchild think about you adopting? I haven't discussed it with my bchild's parents yet, but plan to. I hope that it is received with much excitement and in the same spirit as the joy of my conceiving another child would be.
Wow. I am really thankful that there are more of us Bmom's out there who are not afraid to talk about being bmom's.
I too, have been met with curiosity, rudeness, and loving kindness about my status as a bmom. Through out my life I have really learned that when someone has a serious problem with me being a bmom, they obviously don't understand what it means to love your child so much you place them with someone else to raise them.
Anyway, here we are. And I am thankful to have found this forum!
Wow! I just found this thread - how cool! I'll have to spend more time reading everyone's stories and questions and experiences on here.
Long story short - I am a birthmother, I placed my daughter for adoption in February 1989 (I was 18 at the time) through an agency that only did closed adoptions (although I wasn't concerned about confidentiality, etc). I married my husband (not the bio-father) in 1996 and we discovered after about a year of trying to get pregnant that we have male factor infertility and tried IVF twice...unsuccessfully. We contacted an agency that a friend of my mom had told us about - I was very nervous about whether or not an agency would work with us since I had made the decision to place my daughter for adoption (at the time, still dealing with many issues of shame, guilt, etc surrounding my adoption experience). They welcomed me with open arms - the whole experience with them has been quite therapeutic and affirming for me. Anyway, about 5 months later, we received a call from this agency about a baby girl who had been born the night before and she is our pride and joy - we adopted her in December 2002. The agency we worked with are strong open adoption advocates but in my daughter's case, her birthmother did not want contact - so...I'm left with yet another closed adoption experience (but hoping that one day, she'll be open to contact, etc).
We have begun the process to adopt baby #2 through this same agency and are looking foward to what the future holds. For the longest time, I've been the only birthparent/adoptive parent in their program but recently, another birthcouple joined the program so I'm no longer the lone ranger :)
I too am so happy to see there are other birthparents who have experienced infertility/adoption later in life and look forward to learning and sharing with others like me!
Lisa
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I placed my son 16 years agp when I was barely 18. It was a closed adoption but my granparents had friends who also friends with the adoptive family. I know his name and where he is and that he's had a great life that I couldn't have given him at the time. Since then I got a good education, a good job and a wonderful hubby. We are working with an agency and had our homestudy done in December07. The only snag we had with regard to my being a birthmom is that the agency required I get a letter from a therapist that I was "stable" and ready to be a parent. I was so po'd. The agency assured me they weren't doing this "to me" they were doing this 'for me" Oh well. I got the letter and now I'm just waiting for them to officially type up my paperwork and get the homestudy approved. Best of luck to you and your family!