New Moderator - Introducing myself

Hi Teri ~ Welcome to adoption forums! It's great to see you here ... I am mom to two sons, and am curious about only children ... I hear they are very good with adults as they spend lots of time with and get lots of attention from their parents. Would you agree? What are some other characteristics of only children? Thanks! Nancy

Hi Nancy! Hmmm....Characteristics of an Only Child: First of all, I think the most common (but untrue) stereo-type is that we are "spoiled." I just don't believe that to be true. At least it wasn't in my case. My parents were fairly strict - and kept a pretty good handle on me. (much to my dismay at the time :-)..) What you say is true - I believe, as a child, I was pretty used to being around adults. Although - I always did want a sibling (something to be said for wanting what you don't have). I found myself to be "bored" alot....but maybe that is just a typical kid. But, as a result of growing up without siblings, I had to learn how to entertain myself. So....while I didn't really enjoy doing that (and still don't) I found that I was able to play alone as a child pretty easily. I did reach out to a lot of neighbor kids, though. There was a large family of seven that lived close to me - and I pretty much "lived" there...(they barely noticed one more..LOL) - so I got my taste of "big family" in that way. Today - as an only child, my parents and I are EXTREMELY close. I think that being an "only" really draws the child to the parent and the parent to the child. It's a wonderful relationship. I have also found that most of the "only children" I know really have a drive to be with other people. Perhaps that comes from some of the lonliess we experienced as kids. What I dread is the day my parents pass away - as all of my "immediate family" will, then, be gone. I won't have any siblings to lean on in those times....But I will have to be strong...which by the way, I think, is another characteristic....strength and independence! Having said all that.....we are contemplating bringing home a sibling for our daughter. :-)

Hi - We are "older" parents also. We hope to adopt again so our 4 1/2 year old has a sibling. He keeps saying he's "all alone" and we've always wanted to adopt a second but say we're too "old" and its too expensive. We're 42 and 44. Somehow we are going to make it work. Thanks for moderating. JAK

Hello JAK - Nice to meet you. Yes - while us "older" parents are still in the minority - I do find it comforting to see that the number of "older" parents is growing. And, as long as the energy/health is still there - why not? Best wishes on your journey.. Teri

Hi, I just completed the adoption of my grand daughter on January 23, 2004. She has been with me since the day she was born and I have always been her caretaker. When her mother was in her life she would spend about 10 minutes a day with her and felt that was enough. Her mother was diagnosed with schizophrenia and bipolar shortly after Kelsie's birth. Her mother left our home when Kelsie was 13 months old. She came to visit twice since then. As long as I had a phone number for her I called once a week so that she could talk with Kelsie. She's been married, had another child, gave him to her sister, left her husband and is now back with her husband. She feels she doesn't need meds and is very unrealiable. My main problem is: Krissy called right after receiving my Christmas card asking her to call this past Christmas. We hadn't heard from her since she had Kaleb. I let her talk to Kelsie, privately and now I think it was a big mistake! My home is always open for Krissy to visit, but she will not be alone with Kelsie. Ever since Kelsie talked with her mom she has gotten out of control. She is having severe problems with fighting at school. Takes things away from other children, or even our dog and says she had it first. She sticks her tongue at any adult who tries to discipline her and now she's crying for mom instead of Nana. Kelsie knows that her mom lives in Florida and it is too far away to visit. My family doesn't trust her mom so they don't want me to take Kelsie to visit, and she can't afford to come here (CA). I find myself getting hurt feelings when Kelsie doesn't ask for me, because I have always been her security and I just don't understand what's happening. Kelsie just turned 3 in December but she has above average intelligence. She is spoiled, I never had money when her daddy was growing up. Now I try to buy her things and take her places that I couldn't do before. Her daddy sees her for about 10 minutes a day but he teases and torments her constantly. I've told him it will only make her mean and to stop but he doesn't listen. He says it's good for her. He didn't come into her life until she was 2 1/2. Any suggestions on what to do??

Hello. Sorry to hear about what is happening at your house. In my completely non-expert opinion - sounds like your grandaughter is having some "grief" issues with the loss of her mom and dad, and is acting that out in mis-behavior. I would suggest you post this message in the "attachment" issues forum of this board - under the "special needs" section. Perhaps Dr. Art can give you some advice. I wonder if she doesn't need some kind of intervention to deal with her grief and loss history? My best wishes go out to you as you try to heal and nuture your granddaughter.

Teri, Thanks for the advice. I'm going to do as you suggested and hopefully that will help. Rie and Kelsie Ann

Hi Teri Welcome to adoption forum.

Teri, We're new to this forum. My wife and I adopted our lovely daughter when she was 4. Now 11. However, she had lived w/ us since she was 6 months old. Her birth mother is my oldest's 1st born. The reason i came to this site was to hopefully get some advice from experienced parents. Our daughter has seemed to us the "I'm adopted" label as her main identifier for several years. We're obvioulsy not trying to tell her to hide or deny anything. we just don't think it needs to be her main focus. Many more details that go long w/ this but, we need to establish a talking point to move forward in here. Any advice/discussions are welcomed. thanks,