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I traced my biological past in 1997 after having a child born with Down's Syndrome in 1993. I found that my biological Aunt died of the condition in 1946 and I carried the gene. I also found my biological half brother who favors me alot and has the same birthday. His mother's name was Donna and so was my adoptive mothers. I have met both sides of the family. The first month while tracing, my phone bill was $600. Until I met my half brother, I had always been obcessed with people that looked alike and noone ever understood my comments when I would tell someone that they looked just like their sister dad or brother. They would always say "Well aren't we supposed to? All of my life I have had Kidney infections and it wasn't until I traced my history that I found my biological mother had lost a kidney due to disease, about 20 years ago. I have also struggled with addiction, and mental health issues which I have found is very prominent on both sides of the family. I am not sorry I did this especially for the health history. My adoptive mother was hurt by it only because she just wanted to protect me and didn't want me getting hurt emotionally.
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It sounds like a lot of information to absorb. How easy was it for you to trace your biological information? Weren't your records sealed?
When I hear stories like yours it infuriates me. If you had this information 15 years ago, would it have changed anything? Probably. How negligent is our government when they seal away our origins and prevent us from knowing the type of information you describe?
I'm sorry for your loss and your difficulties. Perhaps the closure of now knowing, can help you prepare for the future. If I were you, that is what I would share with your adoptive mother.
Best Regards,
Ray
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My adoptive parents were unable to get any history on me other than what Lutheran Social Services in Iowa gave them. The records were sealed in Iowa. When I was old enough to understand they gave me the court papers listing my last name as being Proud. which luckily was not a very commom name. I called every Proud in Johnson County Iowa until I finaily ran across a man who told me who I was and had his mother contact me. Ironically, this man died of cancer just 2 months after he told me who I was. When his mother called me she said that her son had been in prison and his wife had an affair with a man by the last name of Hood and I was his daughter even though she had put her married name on my adoption papers. The lady set me up to talk with the Hood family, and I recontacted Lutheran Social Services to find that Mr. Hood was indeed my father and the papers had been wrong. I have one half brother on my fathers side who I had developed a 6 year relationship with and now he acts like he doesn't want to see me anymore, and this really hurts. I have one older sister and 2 younger brothers on my mother's side who are all 3 from the Proud family. I am trying to get to know them better know, and have contact with one of the brothers. My biological mother went on to have 2 more children after I was given up for adoption, so the older half sister and 2 younger half brothers on her side are both from the same mother and father. I have been informed by the Lutheran Social Services that the only way to correct the information on my papers is to go to court and me pay for it and even with that, they will stil not unseal my records.
It sounds like a long journey. I am sorry for your brother's strange distancing and your difficulty with Iowa's courts. You are fortunate to have gotten as far as you have. I believe the name on the papers was an oversight by the records department which at least allowed you to track down most of your past. Despite the hardships you have suffered, do you feel any closure for having connected with elements of your birthfamily? Was it difficult meeting your relatives? Was there a separation in lifestyle/income/class to where you felt out of place - at least at first? Where do you go from here?
-Ray